How’d you like to be attractive,

Slick and bold but safe as well?

There are robots interactive

Which can help your life excel.

 

Since Dr. Lionel Canter first

Invented them some years ago,

These surrogates have been dispersed

And now make up the status quo.

 

Lying in your comfy bed,

You’ll see the world through different eyes,

But there are some who frankly “dread”

These rampant robots’ sudden rise.

 

When Canter’s son is having fun

In Canter’s surry late one night,

He’s murdered by an unknown gun

That gives police a wary fright.

 

There has never been a case

Where operators have been harmed.

The FBI is quick to trace

The murderer so gravely armed.

 

The savvy agent Thomas Greer

And partner Peters search as well.

They question too the pioneer

Of surrogates, who’s mad as hell.

 

At home, Greer’s always forced to shun

Cold Maggie, his now distant wife,

Who mourns the loss of their young son,

For surries are her only life.

 

The murderer is quickly found,

And Greer goes out to bring him in,

But his own surrogate is downed

By “dreads,” who think bots are a sin.

 

Tom then is left in his own skin

To find the weapon he had seen.

He doesn’t know how long it’s been

Since he went out with no machine.

 

Although he’s told to stay away,

He learns his boss helped plan to kill

Both Canter and those he can play

In roles his surrogates could fill.

 

Though Canter made these useful bots,

He now regrets this bad mistake.

They’ve changed both people’s lives and thoughts

And made it normal to be fake.

 

Pretending to be flesh and blood,

A bot of his began to lead

The “dreads” against the robot flood,

From which he claims man must be freed.

 

He was found out and targeted

By those who build his own creation.

Now he has the tool instead

To wipe out his abomination.

 

Canter hijacks Peters’ surry,

Using her and his device,

To reach his purpose in a hurry,

Wiping out man’s newest vice.

 

Greer attempts to stop his plan,

But Canter kills himself before.

Tom saves the users (since he can)

But lets the surries hit the floor.

 

The surrogates are useless now,

But Greer can hold his wife once more.

Through changes, life goes on somehow,

And things are as they were before.

____________________

 

It took me a while to finally see Surrogates, but I could tell from the trailers that I would probably like it, being an avid fan of science fiction. Turns out I was right. I think Surrogates is one of the best sci-fi films of recent years, and I am shocked at how many poor reviews it received. It has only a 39% on Rotten Tomatoes, and many critics called it “mindless” action with few deep thoughts. They must have seen a different film because I saw an amazingly multi-faceted commentary on the practical dangers scientific advancement can impart to mankind.

To be honest, the very idea of surrogacy, that of living an unconfined and painless life through an android controlled by one’s thoughts, is downright cool and is owed to a 2005-2006 comic book series on which the film is based. There are so many implications that are both futuristic and very timely in the present day. Some large, ugly man could walk around masquerading as a hot blond, just as many misrepresent themselves online, whether on forums or dating sites. The fact that people live their lives as machines protects them from disease and injury, but it cuts them off from human contact and the true experience of life. Most say this is better, but something is just wrong, much like Facebook somehow brings people closer and inundates them with “friends” while also keeping those “friends” at a distance. What’s more, the surrogates serve as cameras too, so that people’s lives are constantly under surveillance, mirroring the age-old security-versus-safety debate. As neat as it is that authorities can just shut down people’s bodies when they’re about to commit a crime, such power can also be used for harm, as it is at the end.

Much of the movie is spent on the characters and trying to make sense of the convoluted plot, so the action is far from pervasive. Still, it illustrates well the advantages of a surrogate in a fight and boasts one of the few car chases that can get away with ramming into pedestrians. (Don’t try this at home.)

Bruce Willis is a great lead as usual, handling both the action and the dramatic scenes with his wife with equal skill. I think it’s amazing how they made his surrogate self look so much younger, almost as he did in The Sixth Sense. The rest of the cast is good but unremarkable, except for the always masterful James Cromwell as Lionel Canter, creator of the surrogates. Since he played the inventor of the androids in I, Robot, perhaps he should do one more such film, and they can market all three as the James Cromwell robot trilogy.

Surrogates may not delve too deeply into the myriad social implications that it brings up, but their mere presence is enough to raise it above any “mindless” action film. Considering how quickly Facebook and Twitter have become a fixture in so many people’s lives, the opening scenes describing the rise of the surrogates is certainly plausible. It serves as a warning to embrace technological improvements with caution and discretion.

Best line (for all its astuteness, there aren’t that many good lines): “Look at yourselves. Unplug from your chairs, get up and look in the mirror. What you see is how God made you. We’re not meant to experience the world through a machine.”

 

Artistry: 7

Characters/Actors: 6

Entertainment: 7

Visual Effects: 7

Originality: 8

Watchability: 6

Other (some language and violence): -3

 

TOTAL: 38 out of 60

 

Next: #230 – X2: X-Men United

© 2014 S. G. Liput

113 Followers and Counting

 

In 1957, we see Indiana Jones

Surrounded by a band of Russian guards.

Their head Irina Spalko’s fascinated by unknowns

And sure that she is holding all the cards.

 

Within a desert warehouse, Jones is told to find a box

With strange magnetic properties he’d spied.

He does so but escapes aboard a rocket he unlocks

After Mac, his partner, joins the other side.

 

He hides inside a fridge from an atomic bombing test

And then is questioned by the FBI.

A motorcycle boy named Mutt then gives Jones a request

And a letter with a riddle he can try.

 

Mutt’s mother and one Oxley, a professor and a friend,

Were kidnapped and are being held somewhere.

When Jones finds out Peru is where their trail appears to end,

The greaser and the teacher travel there.

 

They follow Oxley’s notes, which lead them to a crystal skull,

And both are caught, and Spalko is to blame.

The Russians captured Oxley, who is now insane and dull,

And Mutt’s mom Marion (of Raiders fame).

 

When Spalko gives to Jones a glimpse of what the skull can do,

She has him show her forces where it leads.

When stuck in quicksand, Marion says Mutt is his son too,

The product of his debonair past deeds.

 

The good guys get out from their bonds and from a truck bed’s walls

And start a long and thrilling jungle chase

Involving fencing, monkeys, ants, and three big waterfalls,

And Jones and friends are first to reach the place.

 

They run into some natives, but the skull has them adjourn,

And soon they’ve found an ancient room of thrones.

A ring of crystal skeletons awaits the skull’s return,

But Spalko does the deed instead of Jones.

 

The creatures then reward her with much more than she can take,

And Jones and friends escape while they still can.

A spinning portal opens, and the earth begins to quake,

And Mac regrets his greed when this began.

 

The aliens retreat into the space between all spaces,

And Jones, Mutt, Ox, and Marion remain.

Both Jones and Marion marry, and the wedded pair embraces.

Now maybe life can finally be mundane?

___________________

 

The first Indiana Jones movie on my list turns out to be the last one released and the one with the most mixed reviews. Many have mocked Kingdom of the Crystal Skull to no end for its absurd contrivances, Shia LaBeouf’s casting as potentially the next Indiana Jones, and that silly scene in which they “nuked the fridge,” which has joined “jumped the shark” as a way to describe the moment when a series or franchise goes too far. Yes, it’s not perfect and not quite on par with its predecessors, but Crystal Skull remains an entertaining return for everyone’s favorite archaeologist.

Let’s not lie: Harrison Ford is old, and his scenes of direct physical combat are a bit unconvincing, but he’s still Indiana Jones and is a good foil for the youthful Mutt Williams, just as Sean Connery was for Ford in The Last Crusade. I thought it noteworthy that, for all his sleeping around, Indiana Jones actually had a son. Just imagine how many kids James Bond may have out there. It was certainly enjoyable to welcome back Karen Allen as Marion Ravenwood, and most of the other actors fill their roles well, from John Hurt as Harold Oxley to Ray Winstone as Mac and especially Cate Blanchett as Spalko, whom I always think of when I see a similar hairstyle. (Lost alert!) I should also mention that Alan Dale, who played Charles Widmore on my favorite show, has a brief role as a general defending Indy against accusations of treason.

Like the reviews, the plot itself is mixed. It has moments that strain any form of credulity (the fridge scene, Mutt’s Tarzan-style monkey attack) alongside moments of near brilliance (that whole jungle fight/chase is the best part of the movie). I can go from cringing at a creepy graveyard scene to laughing at how the characters somehow stay in the truck going over two waterfalls (they fall out by the third). It hits all the familiar beats that we would expect from an Indiana Jones film, from dangerous booby traps to the requisite creepy crawlies, giant ants in this case. Whatever some may think of it, it’s entertaining without a doubt.

Do I want to see another Indiana Jones film? Maybe. As with most things, it depends what they might do with it. The end of this one seemed like a letdown to my VC, but I suppose it’s a fitting “retirement” for the famous adventurer. Crystal Skull may be the lowest of the Indiana Jones films on my list, but it’s certainly an exciting ride for anyone not in the mood to nitpick.

Best line (mirroring a better one from Raiders of the Lost Ark): (Mutt) “What’s he gonna do now?” (Marion) “I don’t think he plans that far ahead.”

 

Artistry: 4

Characters/Actors: 6

Entertainment: 9

Visual Effects: 7

Originality: 6

Watchability: 9

Other (silly plot points and some minor language and violence): -3

 

TOTAL: 38 out of 60

 

Next: #231 – Surrogates

© 2014 S. G. Liput

113 Followers and Counting