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#240 – Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (1991)

13 Tuesday May 2014

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When Robin of Locksley returns as a team
With a Moor with a life debt to him named Azeem,
He finds England’s changed while he fought the Crusades.
He finds his home unsafe for children and maids.
 
He kills several bullies and lets a few scram,
Which angers the Sheriff who rules Nottingham.
When Robin finds out his estranged father’s dead,
He promises vengeance on this Sheriff’s head.
 
Azeem and a blind aide named Duncan attend
While Robin attempts to go visit a friend.
Maid Marian isn’t much pleased he’s alive,
Especially when Sheriff’s soldiers arrive.
 
To flee, Robin rides to the forest Sherwood,
A place that’s not haunted, just misunderstood.
He meets several bandits but doesn’t once quiver
And earns their respect with some dunks in the river.
 
He leads this small party of woodsmen to fight
And robs every wagon that comes within sight.
The Sheriff is shipping out many a bribe,
But all his gold’s stolen by Robin Hood’s tribe.
 
The outlaw gains friends and support for his pluck,
Including Maid Marian and Friar Tuck,
But Will Scarlet sends him derision galore,
While that evil Sheriff hates him ever more.
 
The Sheriff of Nottingham hires some Celts
To lay siege to Robin and everyone else.
He captures a number of men, even Will,
And plans out a nice public method to kill.
 
In order to marry Maid Marian too,
And merit the throne with her blood, which is blue,
He says he will spare a few bound for the noose
If she will soon wed him, despite his abuse.
 
The Sheriff sends Will, who he thinks is a traitor,
To find Robin’s whereabouts sooner or later,
But Will yields to Robin that he’s his half-brother,
The son of his father and some other mother.
 
While Robin is shocked, the two men make their peace
And plan the best way for the captives’ release.
Azeem gives them gunpowder; John gives them swords.
They infiltrate slyly the castle of lords.
 
Though there are some hiccups, they save everyone,
And Robin soon has Nottingham on the run.
The villain tries marrying Marian, while
Azeem and the archer are locked in the aisle.
 
When Robin breaks in, the two foes have their duel,
And Robin prevails o’er the Sheriff so cruel.
Azeem saves his life, thus repaying his debt,
And everyone’s rescued from Nottingham’s threat.
 
Once they are all done saving lives thrillingly,
Both Robin and Marian wed (willingly).
King Richard himself (someone very well-known)
Thanks Robin of Locksley for saving his throne.
___________________
 

Having seen it recently, I’d say Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves probably deserves a higher place on my list. It is not only a highly entertaining medieval romp but also my favorite cinematic version of the Robin Hood story. Removing King John entirely from the story and mixing up some relationships to make them tragically Shakespearean, the filmmakers created a film that is at once exciting, funny, romantic, and now and then stunning.

Kevin Costner is appropriately heroic and likable as Robin Hood, though his lack of English accent is a major inaccuracy to my mind, and Morgan Freeman turns in another spot-on performance as his Moorish companion Azeem. After spending so much time underwater in The Abyss, Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio decided to go with an easier role as the lovely Maid Marian, who manages to be both a strong fighter and a damsel in distress. The most striking role goes to Alan Rickman, who perfectly embodies the villainy of the Sheriff of Nottingham, though, unlike Hans Gruber from Die Hard, most of Rickman’s scenes here carry a strange dichotomy of wickedness and humor. Also, you’ve got to love that cameo at the end.

I suppose a major reason I like Prince of Thieves is its balance. It doesn’t typecast its characters, or at least only minimally. The atrocities of the Muslims during the Crusades are shown during an early scene, but Azeem proves to be likable, loyal, and highly learned compared with the English. Similarly, the Bishop of Hereford is shown to be greedy and treacherous, but faithful Christianity is also extolled, though less strongly. Robin’s initial thanks to God upon returning home is a good example of this; Friar Tuck’s drunkenness, not so much.

Though Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves is certainly violent, most acts of carnage are left offscreen or hidden with skillful cuts away from bloody wounds. Language is also minimal, though they threw in a lone F-bomb that surprised me greatly. Despite these elements, the film has able, if occasionally over-the-top acting; a number of good one-liners; gorgeous scenery; and a memorably majestic score by Michael Kamen. (If you’ve ever watched the opener for a Disney DVD, you’ve already heard it.) Also, Bryan Adams’s Oscar-nominated “(Everything I Do) I Do It for You” surely deserves a place in my End Credits Song Hall of Fame. It’s a perfect romantic wrap-up to a great movie, one of my VC’s favorites.

Best line: (blind Duncan, not having seen Azeem) “Curse those Moors and Saracens. If it wasn’t for their ungodly ways, Master Robin would never have left. What manner of name is Azeem? Scottish, Cornish?”  (Azeem, up close) “Moorish.” (Duncan’s reaction is priceless!)

VC’s Best Line: (Azeem, after foiling an ambush) “No man controls my destiny… especially not one who attacks downwind and stinks of garlic.”

 
Artistry: 6
Characters/Actors: 8
Entertainment: 8
Visual Effects: 7
Originality: 5
Watchability: 8
Other (violence, languages, etc.): -4
 
TOTAL: 38 out of 60
 

Next: #239 – Star Trek III: The Search for Spock (I’m moving this week so I may be delayed)

© 2014 S. G. Liput

105 Followers and Counting

 

The Abyss (1989)

09 Friday May 2014

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When a nuclear submarine sinks to a perilous depth,
The U. S. decides to send down a SEAL team for rescue.
A hurricane is coming, so time is just not on their side;
Therefore, they commission an undersea oil rig crew.
 
The hard-nosed designer named Lindsey goes down with the SEALS
To keep tabs on them and Bud Brigman, her soon-to-be ex.
While Bud and his oil rig team don’t appreciate this,
They’ll all be paid well for this most dangerous of projects.
 
They move the rig close to a seemingly bottomless trench
With orders from Coffey, the SEALs’ leading pain in the neck.
They find the huge vessel with everyone in it deceased
When divers and subs journey out to examine the wreck.
 
One big guy named Jammer freaks out from the sub full of corpses
And falls in a coma as storm winds above start to blow.
Then Coffey gets orders to reclaim a nuke from the sub,
Which causes some unforeseen problems for all down below.
 
The hurricane destroys a large crane from a ship up above,
Which nearly drags down the whole oil rig into the pit.
They suffer some losses, but Lindsey believes that she saw
A strange glowing thing, yet everyone’s doubtful of it.
 
First Lindsey, then everyone gets a good look at these beings,
Which somehow control ocean water from deep in that void.
But Coffey, who’s suffering from pressure sickness, believes
They’re Russians or some hostile species that must be destroyed.
 
He arms the small nuke to send down to the yawning abyss
And locks down the rig, putting everyone into harm’s way.
When Jammer wakes up, he helps free all his friends from their jail,
And Bud and a pal try to stop Coffey’s mad power play.
 
They battle in subs, but the bomb swims away to the trench,
And Coffey soon follows, imploding while plummeting down.
When Lindsey and Bud are then stranded in their sinking sub,
Bud swims to the rig in a suit while poor Lindsey must drown.
 
Bud next resurrects her, and “drowns” in a way of his own.
To disarm the bomb, he must enter the endless abyss.
He has to breathe liquid with oxygen as he descends,
Which helps him adjust to the pressure, the worst part of this.
 
He sinks ever deeper and locates the bomb to disarm.
He does so, but knows he cannot make it back to the rig.
He types his goodbyes till an alien creature swims by
And carries him off to the mother ship, looming quite big.
 
They give him some air and then show him a TV of sorts,
Depicting the rumors of war on the surface above.
They have the control to destroy man with giant tsunamis,
But let us survive based on Bud’s show of unselfish love.
 
Bud contacts the rig, letting everyone know he’s alive,
And warns them to brace for their newest acquaintance from space.
The mother ship rises and lifts the whole rig to the surface,
Where Lindsey and Bud share a thrilled reuniting embrace.
_______________________
 

Coming on the heels of The Terminator and Aliens, James Cameron’s The Abyss was a much more ambitious project, with over half of the nearly three-hour film being shot underwater. For those who don’t know, my poem and review are for the extended version of The Abyss, which includes a half hour of additional scenes and a better-explained ending than the original 1989 version. These scenes give greater detail to various relationships and a more full understanding of the finale, which explains why the alternate version has largely replaced the original.

Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio stars in what I consider her best role as the hardheaded rig designer Lindsey, and Ed Harris is similarly fantastic as her irritated husband Bud. Their relationship is the most intimate and personable, and little touches such as Bud’s wedding ring saving his life add a lot to their characters. Michael Biehn is increasingly wild-eyed as the impaired SEAL Coffey, but these three are the only fleshed-out characters in the film. While the extended version helps, the rest of the crew are pretty much just a collection of eccentricities. Their names don’t really stick like their actions or appearance, making them just “the tall coma guy,” “the black sub lady,” “the conspiracy guy with the rat,” and “the guy who looks like a truck driver.”

Regardless of the lack of secondary character development, the Oscar-winning special effects are often extraordinary, especially considering when it was released. The set pieces involving the crane and the submarine fight are truly impressive and kept me on the edge of my seat. The NTIs (Non-Terrestrial Intelligence) are also well-realized creatures that are kept out of sight for most of the film, and the grand score by the great Alan Silvestri creates tension and mystery, though less scarily than in Aliens.

Weak points include the language and the ending. Even with the extended climax, with an anti-war message foreshadowing that of Cameron’s Avatar, the end is overlong and rather convenient. The NTIs’ benevolence in light of Bud’s sacrifice carries an important and touching message, but it’s a tad hokey as well. Without the anti-war elements, the end made even less sense and drew the bulk of critics’ ire. Also, while the F-words are minimal, The Abyss has quite a bit of profanity and other bad language, plus some non-sexual nudity, so a cut version is definitely preferred in my house.

I’ve heard that, with all the safety issues and long shoots required, Cameron and the actors did not enjoy making The Abyss at all. It may have been hard on them, but it gave Cameron some experience shooting with water, preparing him for Titanic, and it gave us an excellent sci-fi thriller.

Best line: (Bud) “Hippy, you think everything is a conspiracy.” (Hippy) “Everything is.”

VC’s best line (one she has reused many times since): (Bud) “I’m comin’, I’m comin’. Geez, keep your pantyhose on.”

 
Artistry: 7
Characters/Actors: 7
Entertainment: 8
Visual Effects: 9
Originality: 8
Watchability: 7
Other (language, nudity, and overlong ending): -8
 
TOTAL: 38 out of 60
 

Next: #241 – Sister Act

© 2014 S. G. Liput

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X-Men (2000)

06 Tuesday May 2014

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Mankind is evolving, I hear,
To mutants with powers unclear.
This world on the brink
Doesn’t know what to think,
But most are responding with fear.
 
Young Rogue is disturbed by the fact
That she cannot have human contact.
Those touching her skin
Are then sapped from within,
Often causing a harmful impact.
 
She flees to the North’s wilderness,
And watches a man have success
On the cage-fighting scene;
He is called Wolverine
And has long metal claws that impress.
 
The pair is attacked in the snow
By a Sabretooth man they don’t know.
They are rescued by two
Mutant patriots, who
Take them both far away from the foe.
 
Wolverine (also Logan) awakes
In a school built for mutant kids’ sakes.
He is urged by Jean Grey,
A smart psychic, to stay,
But flees until told of the stakes.
 
Professor Xavier founded
This school for young mutants, surrounded
By those who have banned
What they don’t understand,
Which may provoke hatred unbounded.
 
The metal-controlling kingpin
Magneto wants mutants to win.
He threatens mankind
With the team he’s combined;
His latest plan’s due to begin.
 
His shape-shifting henchgirl Mystique
Nabs Kelly, who’s known to critique.
A machine in a tower
Magneto can power
Mutates Kelly into a freak.
 
Magneto kidnaps Rogue as well,
For reasons they can’t at first tell.
Then, after debate,
They fear he’ll mutate
World leaders and their personnel.
 
Once Kelly is dead from the change,
A death both horrific and strange,
They fly to New York,
Where Magneto’s at work
To metamorphose all in range.
 
The Statue of Liberty sees
Some tense and hard-fought victories.
The good mutants halt
The bad mutants’ assault
Through metal claws, lasers, and breeze.
 
Though Rogue nearly dies from the load,
Magneto’s machine they explode.
He’s captured and jailed,
But Mystique escapes, veiled,
And Logan gets back on the road.
____________________
 

X-Men was one of the first superhero movies of the new millennium, and it reinvigorated the genre, leading to ever greater comic book films since. As the beginning of this new string of superhero blockbusters, it’s less spectacular and ambitious than more recent films but brought enough memorable characters to the screen to warrant three sequels, a prequel, and a reboot (see three posts ago).

Some characters are perfectly cast, including Patrick Stewart as Professor Charles Xavier and Ian McKellan as Magneto; others are respectable enough and given room to grow in sequels, such as Famke Janssen as Jean Grey, James Marsden as Cyclops, and Anna Paquin as Rogue; and, as typical of films stuffed with characters, some are just space fillers for fight scenes, namely Halle Berry as Storm and Magneto’s two lackeys Sabretooth and Toad. The best character, though, goes to Hugh Jackman as Wolverine, a role that continues to define his career to this year. My VC and I thought it would typecast him as the tough guy with claws, but his recent performance in Les Miserables showed how versatile an actor he is. (Cool fact: Russell Crowe, who starred with Jackman in Les Mis, was the original choice for Wolverine. That would have been…interesting.) Wolverine and Rogue offer the bulk of the character development, but the two old English actors do wonders with less central roles.

Having seen X-Men Origins: Wolverine, I wish there were some indication that Wolverine and Sabretooth knew each other and were in fact half-brothers. (I know Logan wouldn’t remember, but the most Sabretooth/Victor Creed does is pick up Logan’s dog tags. Also, since Sabretooth had Wolverine’s healing powers, his supposed demise shouldn’t really have killed him.)

The special effects are just good, not stupendous or awe-inspiring like other superhero films, and the writing ranges from thought-provoking to cheesy (Storm’s line upon beating Toad is one of the lamest I’ve ever heard). Joss Whedon wrote an initial script that was mostly rejected, but I think it’s notable that he was involved at the beginning of the superhero craze, as well as directing its culmination in The Avengers. X-Men offers a great ensemble, some inside jokes, and an ending wide open for more installments. Now, fourteen years later, we’re awaiting the hopefully awesome Days of Future Past so it’s only fair to give credit to the film that started it all.

Best line: (Rogue) “You know, you should wear your seat belt.” (Wolverine) “Now look, kid, I don’t need advice on auto…” (Boom—Logan’s truck crashes)

 
Artistry: 6
Characters/Actors: 7
Entertainment: 7
Visual Effects: 6
Originality: 8
Watchability: 6
Other (some language and violence): -3
 
TOTAL: 37 out of 60
 

Next: #244 – Sheffey

© 2014 S. G. Liput

100 Followers and Counting

 

X-Men: First Class (2011)

03 Saturday May 2014

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Long before ol’ Wolverine
Met Professor X’s team,
Long before young Rogue and Jean
And Cyclops fought Magneto’s scheme,
There was Erik Lehnsherr.
He saw an evil man named Shaw
Shoot his mother as a test
Of his response to what he saw,
Violent, yes, but it impressed
And sparked a misadventure.
 
Psychic Charles Xavier
Grew up with Raven (soon Mystique).
Close as siblings, these two were,
Even though she was a freak,
Hiding with disguises.
Moira, with the CIA,
Is searching for a fishy clue.
She perceives, to her dismay,
Shaw and other mutants, who
Present some new surprises.
 
She and Charles then present
Mutants to the CIA,
Concerning them to some extent,
But one man gives them his okay.
Soon they’re at a base.
Apprehending Shaw and friends
Doesn’t go as they had planned,
Yet, as their encounter ends,
Erik tries to make his stand
To kill Shaw and give chase.
 
Vengeance has to wait a bit.
Charles and fierce Erik meet;
Friendship soon grows out of it
As they get back on their feet.
Soon they are recruiting.
Finding mutants left and right,
Both soon have a young, new team.
Shaw attacks one fateful night,
Claiming mutants are supreme.
There’s much death and shooting.
 
Charles’s home is where they flee
To train and exercise each gift.
Erik helps Mystique to see
Her “beauty,” which provokes a rift
Between both Charles and her.
Shaw and friends are planning, though,
To start the Cuban Missile Crisis,
Forcing an uneasy show
Of rival nuclear devices.
World war may occur.
 
Charles and his mutant team
Fly to Cuba in a jet.
All of them defeat Shaw’s scheme
By extinguishing a threat.
Shaw is soon exposed.
As the good guys fight the bad,
Flying, beaming to and fro,
Shaw taunts Erik, who is mad,
And takes vengeance on his foe.
Shaw is now deposed.
 
Erik quickly has Shaw’s minions
And attempts to prove his power.
Charles has diverse opinions
And stops Erik in his hour.
Erik brings him pain.
Charles’s legs are paralyzed,
But he founds his mutant school,
Which he knows must be disguised.
Erik, though, has plans to rule
And starts his own campaign.
_________________
 

X-Men: First Class offers a compelling look at Professor X and Magneto in their youth. The beginning and straining of their friendship are the backbone of the film, and James McAvoy as Charles Xavier and Michael Fassbender as Erik Lehnsherr do an excellent job as younger versions of the roles previously embodied by Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellan. Other roles are either well-cast (Nicholas Hoult as Hank McCoy/Beast, Jennifer Lawrence as Raven/Mystique) or pretty flat and just an excuse for cool special effects (Zoe Kravitz as Angel, January Jones as Emma Frost). Kevin Bacon is decent, though not particularly memorable, as the villain Sebastian Shaw, though his comeuppance is both gruesome and well-deserved.

One thing that somewhat bothers me is the way this film fits in with the original X-Men films and the comics. There are references to the previous movies, such as the father of Colonel William Stryker from X2 and the opening scene of young Erik in the concentration camp. Yet, now that we know that Beast and Mystique were attracted to each other and especially that Charles and Mystique grew up together, I must ask why there was no indication of this in the first three films. Plus, there’s that big eyebrow-raiser in the horrible third movie: the scene in which Patrick Stewart’s Charles is seen walking, even though his paralysis is shown to have happened here when he was young. Who knows? In addition, Alex Summer/Havoc is the younger brother of Scott Summers/Cyclops in the comics, yet the filmmakers threw him in First Class (as perhaps Scott’s father) just because they could.

As typical of X-Men films, there are lots of characters and subplots, but First Class feels somehow edgier than the previous ones. Yes, there is the angst of the more youthful characters, but there are also profanity, quite a bit of comic book violence, and many scantily clothed women, all of which were totally unnecessary. There’s even a great unexpected cameo midway through that is rather spoiled by the lone F-bomb in the film.

Overall, X-Men: First Class doesn’t hit all the right notes, but it hits the most important, namely the relationship between Professor X and Magneto. It’s an impressive beginning to the rebooted X-Men trilogy and makes me eager to see X-Men: Days of Future Past this summer.

Best line: (Hank, as Charles is testing the Cerebro headgear) “You’re sure I can’t shave your head?” (Charles) “Don’t touch my hair.”

 
Artistry: 5
Characters/Actors: 6
Entertainment: 8
Visual Effects: 9
Originality: 8
Watchability: 7
Other (language, sex, violence): -6
 
TOTAL: 37 out of 60
 

Next: #247 – Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs

© 2014 S. G. Liput

95 Followers and Counting

 

Brave (2012)

30 Wednesday Apr 2014

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Princess Merida’s expected always to be lady-like
By her mum Queen Elinor, who nags her constantly.
Weapons are forbidden on the dinner table too;
Merida must act the way that princesses should be.
 
Marriage is the straw that breaks the loaded camel’s back;
Merida can’t stand the fact that it must be arranged.
Archery decides the ugly clan chief’s son she’ll wed
Till she then outshoots him, hoping fate will now be changed.
 
Words are frightful weapons when they’re aimed at those you love;
Elinor and Merida prove this to be a fact.
Merida runs off into the forest in her grief,
Finding wisps that lead her to the way she will react.
 
Locating a cottage and a wood-engraving witch,
Merida finagles quite a vague and shady spell.
When she gives her mother this enchanted little cake,
Fate indeed is altered, for her mother isn’t well.
 
Elinor is changed into a giant, clumsy bear,
Merida insisting that it’s not at all her fault.
Siblings help them both to flee the castle right away,
Dodging their bear-hating father’s guaranteed assault.
 
Merida attempts to find the witch, but she is gone,
Nothing to assist her but a strange and cryptic rhyme.
Though her mother’s getting used to being more relaxed,
Merida is worried she won’t find a cure in time.
 
Learning that the spell brought down a kingdom long ago,
Altering a prince into the demon bear Mor’du,
Merida attempts to mend a tapestry she tore,
Thinking this will heal her mum, but quandaries ensue.
 
War among the clans is stopped when Merida decides
Everyone should get to choose their own selected spouse.
Happiness is short-lived, for her father finds her mum;
Fergus thinks she killed his wife and drives her from the house.
 
Elinor is hunted by her husband and his men.
Merida, however, will not let them follow through.
Suddenly they are assaulted by the demon bear,
Elinor defending them and vanquishing Mor’du.
 
As the sunrise dawns to make the spell a lasting change,
Merida can merely now apologize and wait.
Love succeeds in bringing back the Elinor she knows,
Changing both of them and truly bettering their fate.
_____________________
 

The second Pixar film on my list, Brave is a Scottish-set fairy tale that feels different from all previous Pixar projects. It’s a fine film to be sure with beautifully animated scenery that is alternately lush or barren, often extremely realistic, as well as lovely Celtic music and an exciting climax. Nonetheless, when people list off Pixar films (Toy Story, The Incredibles, WALL-E), Brave will almost certainly be one of the last to come to mind.

It’s an excellent movie, but it’s a strange mix of inspiration and unoriginality. The young hero/heroine straining to be themselves under the oppression of an overbearing authority figure has been overused in plenty of films, from The Sword in the Stone to The Little Mermaid to Ratatouille. The fateful bulls-eye that splits a previous arrow is borrowed directly from the Robin Hood stories. Plus, the plot twist of a bear transformation was already used in Disney’s earlier Brother Bear, as was the recycled line “I don’t speak bear.” Considering Brave was an original fairy tale, I wonder why Pixar didn’t think of something other than a rehashed bear. Brave was originally to be titled The Bear and the Bow (a better title, in my opinion), but it might as well be Mother Bear.

On the other hand, it’s refreshing to see a strained parent-child relationship that doesn’t call on the parent alone to change. Everything is set right only when Merida owns up to her mistake and accepts that all of this is her own fault. The part with the woodcarver witch has the funniest scenes, and the buildup to the transformation is nicely handled. While the Scottish accents were previously applied to the Vikings in How to Train Your Dragon, here the Scottish brogue is more than just a way of talking but a way of life, along with colloquialisms like “dinnae” and “gammy,” as well as realistic highland games.Also, not many films have a touching mother/daughter relationship with both parties being at fault and sympathetic at the same time.

Brave may not be Pixar’s best, but it is a gorgeously rendered addition to their string of hits. Ignore the uninventive elements, and you’ve got another Pixar classic.

Best line: (King Fergus, to Elinor) “Pretend I’m Merida; speak to me…. [in a girly voice] I don’t want to get married, I want to stay single and let my hair flow in the wind as I ride through the glen firing arrows into the sunset.”

 
Artistry: 6
Characters/Actors: 6
Entertainment: 6
Visual Effects: 10
Originality: 3
Watchability: 6
 
TOTAL: 37 out of 60
 

Next: #250 – Citizen Kane

© 2014 S. G. Liput

92 Followers and Counting

 

Jumpin’ Jack Flash (1986)

28 Monday Apr 2014

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Miss Terry Doolittle works for a bank,
Where her conversations are casually frank.
A friendly, disheveled, productive commuter,
She spends her days typing into a computer.
Then one day, her life takes a turn unforeseen
When “Jumpin’ Jack Flash” says hello on her screen.
 
At first, she assumes it’s a practical joke,
Some wisecracking trickster who wants to provoke,
But soon she discovers this analog stranger
Is some British spy trapped in Europe in danger!
He gives her instructions which don’t make much sense
And only cause threats on her life to commence.
 
The contacts he gives her just end up deceased
Or don’t seem to care for poor Jack in the least,
And every attempt to find Jack a way out
One Jeremy Talbot is eager to rout.
With help from the wife of another lost spy,
She learns that the KGB is the bad guy.
 
She grows close to Jack in their shared conversation;
A date with this spy is her one expectation.
When she has success in releasing her chap,
She’s captured by foes and is told it’s a trap.
With desperate shenanigans, she gets away
And tries to warn Jack of sly Talbot’s foul play.
 
She narrowly makes it with aid from a spy,
Who helps bring Jack home and, you know, not die.
Though Terry’s expecting their subsequent date,
Jack doesn’t show up, leaving Terry to wait,
But, at Terry’s office, Jack finally shows,
Fulfilling his promise, and off the pair goes.
___________________
 

Jumpin’ Jack Flash was only Whoopi Goldberg’s third film, and, immediately following her star turn in The Color Purple, it was a return to her comedic roots. Other actors lend their talents as well, from respected thespians to popular comedians, including Stephen Collins, John Wood (WarGames), Jim Belushi, Carol Kane, Phil Hartman, Jon Lovitz, and Jonathan Pryce as Jack, who is only heard throughout most of the film. The computer element of the plot may date it, like Cloak and Dagger or Tron, but Terry’s typed conversations with Jack are well-edited, as if they’re talking to each other over the phone.

The script and direction supposedly went through a lot of issues before the film was completed, but the final result is a comedic gem, despite receiving several negative reviews upon its release. Whoopi Goldberg is just plain cute as Terry Doolittle, and her reactions, whether to good-natured workplace banter or to threats against her life, are hilarious. As typical of spy films, there are the usual creepy or threatening scenes but nothing really violent, and the comedic touches throughout strike just the right balance between tension and humor, leaning more toward the latter. My VC and I love the part where Terry tries to decipher the lyrics to the Rolling Stones’ song “Jumpin’ Jack Flash,” and the phone booth scene and Terry’s subsequent drugged rant is hilarious, one of those great laugh-a-minute sequences.

Unfortunately, as with Trading Places, Jumpin’ Jack Flash is heavy on the language with Whoopi Goldberg especially having a foul mouth, which various characters comment on. Considering that the violence is minimal, it’s a shame that this alone warranted an R rating. As with other movies on my list, catch a cut version on TV some time. You’ll be glad you did.

Best line: (a drugged Terry, when stopped by a spa security guard named Earl) “You see this face, Earl. This is the face of a woman on the edge.”
(Earl) “I know, my wife’s got the same face.”
(Terry) “Now, you gotta decide, Earl. Do you wanna work here, or do you wanna live?”
(Earl, intimidated) “I quit. I quit.”

 

Artistry: 6
Characters/Actors: 8
Entertainment: 9
Visual Effects: 7
Originality: 8
Watchability: 8
Other (language): -10
 
TOTAL: 36 out of 60
 

Next: #252 – Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey

© 2014 S. G. Liput

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Gettysburg (1993)

27 Sunday Apr 2014

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Gettysburg! The town where North and South did chance to meet,
The peaceful hills and meadows that became a battlefield.
Both Yankee blues and rebel grays would not accept retreat
Until the farms of war had offered up their bloody yield.
Although Lee’s troops fought bravely, he was forced to face defeat;
With Pickett’s devastating charge, the battle’s fate was sealed.
 
Heroism shone amid the guns and cannon fire;
Of note was Colonel Chamberlain on Little Round Top’s heights.
They fought with different reasons but the same innate desire,
To end this brothers’ battle, fought for freedom or for rights.
 
May this inspire.
_________________________
 

Gettysburg is long, and I mean looooooong (thus I went with a short poem, a curtal sonnet). At 4 hours and 14 minutes, it is one of Hollywood’s longest movies, originally conceived as a miniseries but bumped up to feature film status by studio backer Ted Turner (who has a cameo in the finished film). History lovers like me will enjoy this meticulously crafted Civil War epic based on Michael Shaara’s historical novel The Killer Angels. There are so many characters and so much time spent detailing Lee’s strategy that it’s not what I would call a casual watch. I love tales of the Civil War, but even I can only watch it occasionally, considering the time investment necessary to view it in its entirety.

The film is almost too ambitious in trying to present such a well-rounded depiction of the famous battle. The first 40 minutes or so before the first battle scene could have been edited down significantly, and some scenes of the explosions and such go on too long. Two sequences, though, stick out as truly awesome in both scale and excitement: Chamberlain’s stand on the wooded slopes of Little Round Top midway through and Pickett’s disastrous charge near the end. Both have that real cast-of-thousands aspect from the old Cecil B. DeMille epics, which have been replaced in modern films with CGI.

While all the actors do a fine job, from Tom Berenger as Lieutenant General James Longstreet to Martin Sheen as Confederate General Robert E. Lee, again two performances emerge as the best. Richard Jordan (in his last film role) is excellent as Confederate “Lo” Armistead, who regrets having to fight an old friend on the opposite side, and Jeff Daniels gives an Oscar-worthy portrayal of Union Colonel Joshua Chamberlain of the 20th Maine regiment. Their stories are the most interesting, and both give stirring pro-American speeches that make Gettysburg perfect for July 4 viewing (plus the battle was fought from July 1-3, 1863).

One thing I much appreciate is that, despite the 53,000 lives that were lost at the battle of Gettysburg, the film manages to be almost entirely bloodless. Some think war films ought to be more realistic in their portrayal of violence, but this film captures the right balance between being fittingly intense without getting gruesome.

If you are easily bored by long films or have little interest in history, Gettysburg probably isn’t the right film for you, but every now and then I feel it’s important that we remind ourselves of the hardships and horrors of war that went into securing freedom for all and keeping this country together.

Best line: (Brigadier General James Kemper to Pickett) “I gotta hand it to you, George. You certainly do have a talent for trivializin’ the momentous and complicatin’ the obvious. You ever considered runnin’ for Congress?”

 
Artistry: 8
Characters/Actors: 8
Entertainment: 5
Visual Effects: 9
Originality: 7
Watchability: 2
Other (length): -3
 
TOTAL: 36 out of 60
 

Next: #253 – Jumpin’ Jack Flash

© 2014 S. G. Liput

83 Followers and Counting

 

Silverado (1985)

26 Saturday Apr 2014

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When three would-be killers close in on a derelict shack,
One Emmett succeeds in shooting them down in a flash.
He later meets Paden, who’s also endured an attack
But didn’t fare well, having lost both his hat and his cash.
 
The two journey on to a town where the cocky young Jake,
Emmett’s brother, is locked up for murder, awaiting the noose.
When Paden joins him behind bars for his stolen hat’s sake,
He helps the self-confident rogue and himself to break loose.
 
They flee the town’s sheriff with help from a black man named Mal,
And aid a poor wagon train, also the victims of theft.
They ride to the town Silverado, a dusty locale,
Controlled by the rancher McKendrick, with few good men left.
 
The sheriff in town is an old friend of Paden’s named Cobb,
Who brings him to Stella, the small owner of the saloon.
Cobb shoots down a manager, then awards Paden his job,
But Cobb is corrupt and works for the ranching tycoon.
 
Mal’s father is punished for spurning McKendrick’s land grab;
His prostitute sister is likewise in danger in town.
McKendrick hates Emmett, whose presence removes an old scab,
And orders his various henchmen to bring Emmett down.
 
McKendrick’s men take Emmett’s nephew and ride off on horses,
And Cobb lets it happen, an act Paden cannot condone.
So Emmett and Mal, with both Paden and Jake, combine forces
To stop this corruption and pick each particular bone.
 
Jake shoots down his rival, and Mal saves both Stella and sis,
While Emmett surprises McKendrick and brings the man low.
At last, Paden faces down Cobb and is too good to miss,
Defeating the foe and enacting a new status quo.
 
For Emmett and Jake, California is beckoning still,
And Mal will rebuild his old farmstead McKendrick brought down,
But now Silverado’s in need of a leader with skill,
And Paden steps up as the trustworthy sheriff in town.
_____________________
 

I’ve already stated that I’m not a big fan of Westerns since so many share the same themes and character motivations. Revenge, outlaws, rogues with hearts of gold, and standing up for the defenseless are just a few of the western clichés that Silverado employs, but it puts them all together so entertainingly that I don’t mind as much. As Roger Ebert put it, “This is a story, you will agree, that has been told before. What distinguishes [director and writer Lawrence] Kasdan’s telling of it is the style and energy he brings to the project.” Considering Kasdan’s previous film was the well-cast The Big Chill (one of my VC’s favorite movies, not mine), I’d say he also has a knack for assembling impressive ensembles with good characterization as well.

Unlike so many other stock westerns with only one or two memorable characters, if that, Silverado has an excellent cast, including Kevin Kline, Jeff Goldblum (who were both in The Big Chill as well), Scott Glenn, a young Kevin Costner, Danny Glover, Brian Dennehy, Linda Hunt, John Cleese, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera! There’s also (Lost alert) the wild-eyed Jeff Fahey, who portrayed Frank Lapidus on my favorite show. While not every character is entirely developed, whether sympathetically or otherwise, every actor fills their role well enough to definitely be memorable.

Even though the film’s convoluted plot is full of the aforementioned clichés, it has some highly entertaining parts, like the canyon scene and the stampede rescue sequence. That being said, the final showdown between Cobb and Paden felt unoriginal and rather anti-climactic following a couple more inventive death scenes. All in all, Silverado is a fun, well-written, and fairly clean modern western that sadly didn’t quite revive the genre as much as some had expected. There’s a fine line between a cliché and a reinvention, and Silverado walks it pretty well.

Best line: (Cobb) “We’re gonna give you a fair trial, followed by a first class hanging.”

 
Artistry: 6
Characters/Actors: 9
Entertainment: 8
Visual Effects: 7
Originality: 4
Watchability: 6
Other (brief language and anti-climax): -4
 
TOTAL: 36 out of 60
 

Next: #254 – Gettysburg

© 2014 S. G. Liput

82 Followers and Counting

 

Treasure Planet (2002)

25 Friday Apr 2014

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Jim Hawkins grew up with the stars in his head
And the dread pirate Flint sailing all round his bed.
He’d dream of the treasure, while he was a kid,
Which this space pirate took to a planet and hid.
But twelve years have left, as his father did too,
And Jim’s a delinquent with little to do.
 
But that will soon change; Jim’s adventures begin
When Billy Bones enters the old Benbow Inn.
He gives Jim an orb before joining the morgue
And warns him about an impending cyborg.
The inn is attacked then and burned to the ground,
But Jim and his mom flee with what they have found.
 
Jim opens the sphere with a twist and a tap
And finds that it’s Captain Flint’s lost treasure map.
Their friend Dr. Doppler is wholly entranced,
Agreeing a voyage be quickly financed.
They’re off to the spaceport, as hastily planned,
With Captain Amelia, a cat, in command.
 
Jim then meets John Silver, the garrulous cook,
Who has more prosthetics than ol’ Captain Hook.
He’s wary at first of this cyborg-y one,
But soon they are bonding like father and son.
A close supernova makes their escape narrow
But swallows the trusty first mate, Mr. Arrow.
 
While Hawkins is hidden, he hears Silver talk
With the crew of a mutiny, which causes him shock.
As Jim tells the captain and Doppler of this,
The mutiny begins because something’s amiss.
The three journey down to the planet they’ve found,
Escaping the pirates by ramming the ground.
 
While searching for shelter, Jim meets up with B.E.N.,
A robotic castaway who shares his den.
With B.E.N.’s manic help, Jim goes back to the ship
To get back the map which he lost his first trip.
Back down on the planet, they all end up caught,
But Jim wields the map because Silver cannot.
 
The sphere leads the band to a portal of sorts,
That must have been used by Flint and his cohorts.
The right portal leads to the planet’s own core,
Where treasures abound, as recorded in lore.
They have a brief moment to revel in gold
Before a sly booby trap starts to take hold.
 
The planet begins to break up and explode,
And Silver saves Jim at the cost of his lode.
The heroes attempt to escape from the blast
But see they won’t make it when they lose the mast.
So Jim turns them round to the portal they saw
And sailing right through it, they barely withdraw.
 
It takes them back home just before certain death
And gives them a moment to re-catch their breath.
While Silver shoves off and Jim lets him retreat,
The cyborg is proud of “Jimbo’s” awesome feat.
Now that he’s done something to earn admiration,
Jim has a bright future in space navigation.
_____________________
 

Treasure Planet should have been a hit, but, despite fairly good reviews from critics, it never gained much of an audience and sadly joined a string of Disney flops that led to the canning of their traditional animation department. I don’t understand the chilly reception since the film has much going for it. It’s a futuristic telling of Robert Louis Stevenson’s Treasure Island, with spectacular cutting-edge visuals that combined hand-drawn and CGI animation, funny and likable characters, and some truly touching scenes. It’s also Disney’s most exciting animated movie, in my opinion, and was nominated for an Oscar (unfortunately losing to Spirited Away).

The voice actors suit their characters perfectly. The roles of Captain Amelia and Dr. Doppler were written with Emma Thompson and David Hyde Pierce in mind, but Brian Murray as Silver and an up-and-coming Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Jim Hawkins fill their roles equally well. Martin Short is at his most frenetic as B.E.N., the castaway who has literally lost his mind, at times making Robin Williams look like a Type B personality. The script ranges from tear jerking to hilarious, and I love a few well-timed references to Star Trek and Jaws.

With all this going for it, why then did the movie bomb? I can’t say. Roger Ebert claimed it was too “gimmicky” to futurize the classic adventure novel, but I don’t think this gimmick is any worse than, say, The Great Mouse Detective, in which Disneyreimagined a Sherlock Holmes mystery with rodents. Then again, John Musker and Ron Clements did direct both films. Hmm.

It’s true that the concept may not be as original as it at first seems. Don Bluth’s even less-successful Titan A.E. was released just two years earlier and featured a heavy mix of traditional animation and CGI and a science fiction plot involving a fatherless young rogue following a map through the stars. In addition, there was even an Italian miniseries in the 1980s entitled Treasure Island in Outer Space or Treasure Planet. I don’t know if anything in Disney’s film was drawn from that, but it’s interesting to note.

As much as I’ve defended Treasure Planet, I must admit that, compared with most of Disney’s films, it just doesn’t stick out like others do. I may just like other movies better, but Treasure Planet is nonetheless a wondrous retelling of a classic story that anyone can enjoy.

Best line: (Captain Amelia to Dr. Doppler) “Doctor, to muse and blabber about a treasure map in front of this particular crew demonstrates a level of ineptitude that borders on the imbecilic! And I mean that in a very caring way.”

 
Artistry: 6
Characters/Actors: 7
Entertainment: 9
Visual Effects: 10
Originality: 5
Watchability: 8
Other (I just like other films more): -9
 
TOTAL: 36 out of 60
 

Next: #255 – Silverado

© 2014 S. G. Liput

81 Followers and Counting

 

Spy Kids (2001)

22 Tuesday Apr 2014

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Young Carmen and Juni Cortez do not know
That their parents are settled-down spies.
While Juni is friendless, his sister skips school,
And both tell their parents some lies.
 
When spies from the OSS start to go missing,
Both Ingrid and Greg are called in.
Reluctantly, they leave their children behind
With Felix, their uncle and kin.
 
The parents are soon apprehended by Floop,
The host of a weird children’s show.
This Floop has turned agents he’s caught into freaks
And proves a formidable foe.
 
He sends out an army of thumb-composed thugs
To seek out the rumored Third Brain,
Which he needs for the army of mechanized kids
He’s built so that evil can reign.
 
While Carmen and Juni are minding their business,
Their house is attacked by Thumb-Thumbs.
So their Uncle Felix, who isn’t their uncle,
Fights off the robots but succumbs.
 
The children escape to a safe house for spies,
And try to absorb what they’ve learned,
But soon their un-safe house is changed to a trap
By a spy girl that must have been turned.
 
They flee with the Brain to a city nearby
And argue of what they should do.
But soon the Brain’s taken by their doppelgangers
Who fly away into the blue.
 
The children seek out their real uncle Machete
Who builds lots of gadgets for spies.
He hates his own brother but shows them a plane
That is both fast and just the right size.
 
They fly to Floop’s castle, where Floop has been having
Some quite bothersome second thoughts.
His minion named Minion then locks Floop away
And begins to start calling the shots.
 
Both Carmen and Juni free Ingrid and Greg,
And Juni brings Floop to their side.
They fight off the Spy Kids till Floop can reprogram
The robots with fun as their guide.
 
At last, the Cortezes are honest and true,
And even Machete forgives.
A family of spies is a dangerous thing,
As long as togetherness lives.
_______________
 

Spy Kids was a hit when it first came out in 2001 with a 93% on Rotten Tomatoes, and, though the series devolved into the terrible Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over, it started off with an entertaining bang. The action is often exaggerated to the point of being campy, and Carmen and Juni’s realistic bickering gets old after a while, but the film is a wonderful endorsement of being honest as a family, much like the admittedly better The Incredibles a few years later.

Alexa Vega and Daryl Sabara, who have definitely grown since their roles here, are very convincing as two quarreling siblings who learn their parents are superspies. Antonio Banderas and Carla Gugino are also wonderful, if rather ineffective for the most part, as said parents, and I must say both look strikingly attractive. Other roles are filled by Alan Cumming as Floop, Robert Patrick (the T-1000 in Terminator 2) as Mr. Lisp, and Tony Shalhoub (who was just in yesterday’s Galaxy Quest) as Mr. Minion. Plus, there’s a great cameo and sight gag at the very end. Danny Trejo also appears as Machete Cortez, originating the role he would reprise in Robert Rodriguez’s Planet Terror, Machete, and Machete Kills, all films that are decidedly not kid-friendly.

Floop is sadly a weakness, in my view. While he as a character is fine, his bizarre TV show and mutated extras are things I would expect to see from Tim Burton (not one of my favorite directors), and the fitting score from Danny Elfman strengthens that comparison. My VC and I just don’t care for overly weird films, and a few scenes push into that territory. Also, while the special effects are good, in several parts, like the jet pack scene, it is obvious that the actors are in front of a green screen.

Still, Spy Kids is a Latin-flavored family film that has humor, action, cool gadgets, and all-around fun. Whether you see it with kids of your own or not, it’s an adventure worth taking.

Best line: (a boy in the park, after seeing the robot kids take off with rockets in their feet) “¡Yo quiero los zapatos como esos!” (translated: “I want shoes like that!”)

VC’s best line: (Carmen, at the very end) “Spy work, that’s easy. Keeping a family together, that’s difficult. And that’s the mission worth fighting for.”

 
Artistry: 4
Characters/Actors: 7
Entertainment: 7
Visual Effects: 6
Originality: 7
Watchability: 7
Other (some weirdness): -2
 
TOTAL: 36 out of 60
 

Next: #258 – The Great Mouse Detective

© 2014 S. G. Liput

77 Followers and Counting