(For Day 19 of NaPoWriMo, the prompt was to write about a childhood scare, like a monster. While a lion is not a personal boogeyman for me, this creature feature seemed to fit the bill.)
It’s lurking where you cannot see, Blocking where you cannot flee, Looming in the liminal of known and too afraid to know. Do not breathe and do not stir. That’s a growl and not a purr, Growing louder by the second, growing sick of lying low. Save your scream; it knows you’re there, Not a dream and no nightmare. Something hungry this way comes, and you have nowhere else to go. ____________________________
MPA rating: R (nothing overly gruesome that I recall)
Idris Elba is good in just about anything. Whether he’s playing an immortal djinn in a bathrobe or an Asgardian gatekeeper, his natural gravitas just enhances every role he takes on. That goes for the more pedestrian efforts as well. Beast can be summed up pretty easily: man vs. lion. Elba plays Dr. Nate Samuels, who takes his daughters on a South Africa safari to reconnect after the death of their mother but is forced to defend them against a rogue lion on a killing spree.
As a survival thriller, Beast is a solid entry, elevated by Elba’s lead performance and Baltasar Kormákur’s rather artsy direction, such as some outstanding tracking shots that I love so much. Yet the occasionally dumb plot is cookie-cutter standard for the genre and unlikely to surprise anyone. The plot armor of the climax even becomes a little laughable when Elba fights the beast barehanded and lasts far longer than other characters it killed within seconds. Beast is all too familiar, doing for lions what Jaws did for sharks, but its African setting and intimidating feline make it unique enough to be worth a casual watch.
(Yes, I missed another day, but I’m back on the horse. For Day 18 of NaPoWriMo, the prompt was for an abecedarian poem that follows the alphabet. Considering this musical has its own alphabet-themed song, it seemed like a good match.)
Apparently, you shouldn’t Be a Cruel and callous Devotee of over- Eager punishment For one Good cause: Humanity. If everyone was Just and Kind and Listened as they spoke their Mind, then maybe No one would Opine the worst in People, which they find. The Qualms and quirks of Roald Dahl exaggerate Such sin and gall To juxtapose the truly nice Up against the common Vice. Would you prefer a genial and Xenial largesse? Or Yield to yet another yoke of Zealous nastiness? ___________________________
MPA rating: PG
I feel blessed that, in the last few years, my awakening to a greater appreciation for musical theater has coincided with a surge in movie musicals. While 2021 had a glut of them, the more sparse 2022 ended with a long-awaited adaptation of Matilda the Musical, based on Roald Dahl’s classic book about a telekinetic girl pushing back on her abusive home and school life.
Alisha Weir plays the title character with a sweet, bookish earnestness to contrast her loud and self-absorbed parents (Stephen Graham, Andrea Riseborough). After years of self-learning, she is sent off to the infamous Crunchem Hall, where she catches the eye of both warmhearted Miss Honey (Lashana Lynch) and the tyrannical headmistress Agatha Trunchbull (Emma Thompson, acting through a masculine fat suit).
I vaguely remember the 1996 movie adaptation with Mara Wilson and Danny DeVito, but it’s been long enough that I was able to enjoy this version without worrying about comparisons to the other. Of course, this one is enlivened by musical numbers, which are a sure improvement in my book. The music and lyrics by Tim Minchin are a good match for Dahl’s cartoonish reality, presented here by swinging wildly between gaudy, energetic highs and oppressively bleak lows. Matilda’s playful solo “Naughty” is a perfect summation of her character looking for small ways to rebel against the unkindness around her, while the detached number “When I Grow Up” manages to be both buoyant for young viewers and wistfully nostalgic for their elders. While the clever alphabetics of “School Song” are an early highlight for the school-size ensemble of child singers, the real standout is near the end with the showstopping “Revolting Children,” which deservingly went viral with its exuberant choreography and earworm tune.
Yet for all its good points, Matilda falls short of being one of my new favorite musicals, for reasons I can’t quite pin down. Thompson as the villainous Trunchbull is over-the-top in her abusive villainy, with so-so songs and an underwhelming exit, though much of that is baked into the character from Dahl’s book. While I enjoyed the musical numbers, even the smaller ones like Miss Honey’s emotional “My House” which showcases Lynch’s acting talent, only “Revolting Children” stood out after the credits rolled. But I suppose the main drawback is that Dahl’s style of storytelling lends itself to an abundance of obnoxiousness for the hero or heroine to overcome, and the obnoxiousness of Matilda’s parents and Miss Trunchbull is more grating than entertaining.
Maybe time will improve my opinion, and maybe I would feel different seeing this as a kid since the story is clearly aimed at children, such as the imaginative tale Matilda spins about circus performers (which does at least tie in nicely to the plot, unlike, say, the storytelling in The Breadwinner). Even if it’s not quite up there with the best, Matilda the Musical is full of magical charm and clearly a quality production with lots of passion and talent behind it. Now I think I’ll go watch “Revolting Children” for the twentieth time.
(For Day 16 of NaPoWriMo, the prompt was for a poem of negation, describing something in terms of what it is not. Since the main characters of this film struggle in being reformed, I wrote up a list of what good guys don’t do.)
A good guy doesn’t rob a bank Or overflow a septic tank Or steal a precious, priceless gem Or cause unwarranted mayhem.
They do not blow up oil rigs Or feast on captive guinea pigs Or lead police on reckless chases, Fleeing to their secret bases.
A good guy would not live off lies As a master of disguise, And they should not win a game Based on whom they kill or maim.
A truly good guy won’t consent To hack the grid or government, … Well, unless they have a good reason, No, nevermind, that could be treason.
But most of all, a real good guy Does not cheat or steal or lie, Even if they’re unsuspected (Not unless they’ve been elected). ____________________
MPA rating: PG
While Puss in Boots: The Last Wish got well-deserved acclaim last year, the other 2022 film from DreamWorks Animation was also a pleasant surprise. Based on an Aaron Blabey graphic novel series for children, The Bad Guys features the titular posse of menacing animals – Wolf (Sam Rockwell), Snake (Marc Maron), Piranha (Anthony Ramos), Tarantula (Awkwafina), and Shark (Craig Robinson) – whose crime spree is brought to an end after a botched heist. Yet the criminal gang is given a chance to prove they can be reformed into good guys with the help of a do-gooder guinea pig (Richard Ayoade) and a foxy governor (Zazie Beetz).
First off, as an animation fan, I thought this film’s visual style was an absolute treat! It partakes in the now-familiar fusion of 2D and 3D ushered in by Into the Spider-Verse yet uses it for a distinct comic-book look that has a delightful smoothness to it, both in character design and movement. It’s probably best not to think too hard about the world of mostly humans, a few sentient animals, and otherwise normal animals, but the main troop have a great dynamic as their unique skills complement each other during heists, particularly the inventive uses of Snake’s long body despite lacking limbs. Wolf and Governor Foxington have an amazing amount of chemistry between them, while a police chief (Alex Borstein) intent on capturing the Bad Guys has some clear parallels with Inspector Zenigata of the Lupin III series, especially during the opening car chase.
DreamWorks has made some questionable creative choices, like focusing way too much on The Boss Baby, but movies like this and Puss in Boots have reignited my interest in what they’ll do next. Puss had weightier themes, but The Bad Guys is suave, cartoonish fun, incorporating the plotting and intrigue of heist movies with a believable redemption arc that stresses responsibility and the difficulty of earning back trust. Add in a catchy song for Anthony Ramos and some thrilling action scenes, and it’s the kind of animated film I would have loved growing up. Considering DreamWorks put the main characters in their recent updated logo sequence, I’m hoping this will become a worthwhile series.
Best line: (Diane Foxington, when Wolf insists no one will accept them as good guys) “Maybe they will believe you, maybe they won’t. But it doesn’t matter. Don’t do it for them. Do it for you. This is a chance to write your own story, to find a better life for you and your friends. Come on, what have you got to lose?”
(For Day 15 of NaPoWriMo, the prompt was to write a poem praising a role model while suggesting doubt around their supposed reputation. A biopic seemed like an ideal choice for this topic, since they so often expose the seedier aspects of celebrities.)
When searching music history, From madrigals to neo-soul, Elvis Presley was expressly Called the King of Rock and Roll.
That clearly means the genre must Have started with his rise to fame. Raucous singing, pelvic swinging – Closely linked to Elvis’ name.
Is Elvis not the true foundation Of the rock we now revere? When your sound is that renowned, He must have been the pioneer, Or so I hear. ____________________
MPA rating: PG-13
At this point, I expect all successful musicians of yesteryear to eventually get a film exposing their struggles and faults. Honestly, I’m surprised it took this long for Elvis Presley to get the Hollywood biopic treatment (not counting incidental narratives like Elvis & Nixon), but director Baz Luhrmann certainly went all out to finally make the King’s story into a flashy blockbuster. Framed as a deathbed recollection of Elvis’ infamously controlling manager Colonel Tom Parker (Tom Hanks), the story recounts Elvis’ life from his early fascination with African-American gospel music to his 1968 Christmas special comeback to his restrictive Las Vegas residency.
As I think most people acknowledge, the real star here is Austin Butler, who plays Elvis to perfection with an effortless drawl and swagger yet still makes him feel like a real person in a way old performance footage often doesn’t. It’s one of those rare ideal matches between star and subject that every biopic dreams of finding. And while Tom Hanks has gotten plenty of flak for his fake Dutch(?) accent, even winning two Razzies for the role, I thought he did a fine job, striking a convincing balance between fondness for “his boy” and the greed and anxiety of not wanting to lose control of his cash cow.
What felt more divisive than Hanks’s performance is Luhrmann’s direction, pumping as much visual glitz and bustle into each second as possible. The camera swoops and swirls with fever-dream abandon and rarely rests on any one scene for very long, further punctuated by anachronistic music, I suppose chosen to show Elvis’ continuing impact on modern music, even though rap tends to clash with 1950s Memphis. Yet as the film progressed, the drama and conflict between Elvis and Parker become more pronounced, and the direction likewise settles into a more serious mode that supports the emotional moments toward the end. I’m discovering that this is apparently a Luhrmann trend, since I recall Strictly Ballroom having a similar tonal switch from a first half I hated to a second half I loved. I suppose a strong ending is preferable to the alternative, but his style does take some getting used to.
That being said, Elvis does right by its iconic namesake, highlighting his stage presence and vocal power so closely replicated by Butler, who absolutely deserved his Best Actor nomination (though I am happy for Brendan Fraser’s win). His stunning rendition of “If I Can Dream” and the closing integration of “Unchained Melody” with real footage are especially brilliant. While it’s overlong and sidesteps some of his failings, like marital infidelity, the film shines a light on many details I never knew about the King of Rock and Roll and will likely become the de facto cinematic version of his story.
Best line: (Elvis) “A reverend once told me, ‘When things are too dangerous to say, sing.’”
(For Day 14 of NaPoWriMo, the prompt was to write a satire based on a famous poem. I went back to my old habit of rewriting song lyrics and poked fun at this absurd disaster film. This one is best sung to the tune of Dean Martin’s “That’s Amore.”)
When the moon hits your eye, That’s a rock from the sky, So it’s fatal. When the crust starts to crack Like it’s under attack, Oh, it’s fatal.
This event And the moon’s descent From the firmament Will prevent your survival. Meteors (And the poison gas That the earth will pass) Will announce its arrival.
When the satellites fall Like they’ve chugged alcohol, Then it’s fatal. When a big bolide arcs, Aiming for our landmarks, Then you’re dead.
If you think you can hide, When disaster’s worldwide, You’re unable. Things that people live through In the movies you view Would be fatal! ____________________________
MPA rating: PG-13
To paraphrase Michael Caine’s Alfred in The Dark Knight, some men just want to watch the world burn or flood or freeze or get hit by the moon. Clearly Roland Emmerich is one of those people since he’s made a career off of different ways to cause cataclysmic damage to as much of the planet Earth as possible. Instead of the tectonic upheaval of 2012 or the climatic turmoil of The Day After Tomorrow, he looked up to imagine what would happen if the moon were to come crashing down to the earth, with an extraterrestrial threat as the catalyst. It’s pure turn-your-brain-off destruction with a huge cast of mostly expendable characters to witness it, and it might have been less of a box-office bomb if it didn’t feel like such a rehash of his previous films.
The story mainly centers on astronauts Brian Harper (Patrick Wilson) and Jocinda Fowler (Halle Berry), as well as K.C. Houseman (John Bradley), a megastructurist researcher with apparently crackpot theories about the moon that are inevitably proven right. The three of them become the driving force to go into space and use an EMP against the alien force degrading the moon’s orbit, even as CGI havoc is unleashed on the planet to plague Brian’s son (Charlie Plummer), Jocinda’s son, Jocinda’s son’s nanny, Jocinda’s ex-husband, Brian’s ex-wife, Brian’s ex-wife’s new husband (Michael Peña), and the rest of the humans unlucky enough to live in an Emmerich film.
No one should expect too much out of this kind of cheesy disaster film beyond cool, destructive visuals and a generic happy ending with at least someone surviving, and Moonfall delivers on that promise. Along with some neat sci-fi concepts, it has the familiar Emmerich absurdity of a car chase with mayhem affecting everything but the heroes’ car, as well as nonsensical moon danger where it doesn’t even seem to be orbiting the earth, just popping over the horizon to mess with gravity and then go away again. At over 2 hours, the film’s flimsy script and rickety logic overstay their welcome, and by the time the heroes are fleeing from the alien swarm in an alien spaceship, even the action had become strangely monotonous.
I like the production story of Emmerich saying “It’s just a movie” whenever the on-site astronaut advisor told him something wasn’t actually possible, which epitomizes Moonfall as a big-budget B-movie. While there’s nothing wrong with that brand of dumb fun, its final scene suggesting a sequel clearly thinks it’s better than it is.
Best line: (K.C.) “Are we dead?” (Brian) “No, we’re just inside the moon.” (K.C.) “That might be the greatest sentence anyone’s ever said.”
(For Day 13 of NaPoWriMo, the prompt was for a short poem “that follows the beats of a classic joke,” though mine is less of a joke and more of a taunt in need of countering.)
It used to be If men were meant to fly, They would have been born with wings.
It used to be If women were meant to fly, They wouldn’t need men for things.
Maybe let them try Before saying who can fly. _______________________
MPA rating: R (for frequent language and some bloody violence)
What do you get when you cross Memphis Belle, “Nightmare at 20,000 Feet,” and a gonzo female empowerment fantasy? You get Shadow in the Cloud, a high-flying action-horror-drama starring Chloe Grace Moretz as RAF Officer Maude Garrett, who boards a plane flying out of New Zealand in the midst of World War II. Insisting on the safety of a mysterious package she carries, Maude bristles at the sexist comments of the all-male flight crew and spends the first half of the film stowed in the gun turret on the plane’s underside. Yet a dangerous gremlin-like creature threatens the plane and her package, spurring her to prove just how tenacious a “hysterical” woman can be.
Shadow in the Cloud is an over-the-top treat in many regards. After an opening scene in which Maude briefly meets the surly airmen of the Fool’s Errand, the first half of the movie has a clever claustrophobia to it, trapping her in the cramped gunner’s bubble with no easy escape. Everything is from her perspective, with the personalities of the rest of the crew conveyed solely by dialogue over the radio, from racist horndogs to stubborn pilots. It’s unfortunate that, with one exception, every male character is a condescending, foul-mouthed jerk to varying degrees, but I suppose such grating scorn must have been common enough in real life to be considered such a stereotype. Here, of course, it’s the kind of extreme disrespect engineered for movie heroines to prove wrong.
Beyond the human conflict, rife with mistrust as Maude herself becomes a source of suspicion, the film takes a hard turn into creature feature action and doesn’t let up. The feats Maude pulls off in the second half, facing off against a bat-like gremlin that taunts her as it sabotages the plane, are absurd yet thrilling, and a whole dogfight sequence was ridiculous movie adrenaline in the best way. Moretz is a lovely and talented actress, and she perfectly balances the intense emotions at play. Plus, the music is right up my alley, with a synth-heavy score that ranges from ominous to frenetic and ending with Kate Bush’s “Hounds of Love” (a worthy addition to the End Credits Song Hall of Fame). Highly entertaining and bombastic even as it teeters into B-movie camp, Shadow in the Cloud strikes a strange balance between well-acted gender conflict and intense monster revenge action, while also giving a nod to the real-life women who served in the air forces during World War II. It’s an odd mix but one worth the ride.
Best line: (Maude, after asking for permission to fire at an enemy aircraft) “I was being polite!” [fires at will]
(For Day 12 of NaPoWriMo, the prompt was to write a poem that addresses itself, so I drew a comparison between my own writing deadlines and the more life-threatening deadlines of this film’s protagonist, perhaps like a spell that might help him.)
Lines of mine, lines of mine, Tell me why you take your time. You know the deadline’s coming fast, And they’re expecting something good.
Stubborn words, on my nerves, Tell me what this poem deserves. Can’t you feel the restless readers Breathing down my livelihood?
I beseech the powers of speech; Bring the verse within my reach. Page and ink, don’t you think I’d write less tritely if I could?
Rhymes of fire, climb, inspire, Share the lyrics I require. Don’t you care the curse will come If we don’t feed them like we should? ______________________
MPA rating: PG (due to some rather intense scares for a kids movie)
While I acknowledge the likes of Coraline, Gremlins, and Goosebumps, it does feel like kid-friendly horror movies are few and far between, so I appreciate when a new one comes along. Based on a J. A. White book, Nightbooks makes writer’s block more of a nightmare than it already is. After fleeing his home one night, young horror enthusiast Alex Mosher (Winslow Fegley) is lured inside a magical apartment building controlled by the heartless witch Natacha (Krysten Ritter), who insists he read her a new scary story every night. Trapped within this enchanted prison, Alex and his fellow hostage Yasmin (Lidya Jewett) must find a way to outsmart their captor and escape.
Nightbooks has a great Scheherazade-style setup, with a would-be horror writer being forced to come up with new stories or face dire consequences. Krysten Ritter as the witch is a perfect adversary for this kind of movie. She’s capricious and hammy with her persona but can quickly become sadistic and threatening if displeased, and her magical unpredictability adds a lot to the sense of dread even when she’s not on screen. Fegley and Jewett are further proof that child actors are no longer the stuff of automatic mockery, and Fegley’s Alex will especially appeal to kids who struggle to embrace their niche interests.
With its fairy tale qualities hearkening back to witch stories like Hansel and Gretel, Nightbooks has a good chance at becoming a Halloween staple for those who seek it out on Netflix. The individual creepy tales Alex reads to Natacha are the stuff of cheesy campfire frights, but the scares can actually get rather intense at times, like during a side quest with skull-faced, blade-wielding insects that attack Natacha’s garden. And it doesn’t hurt that the film and Alex have a fondness for The Lost Boys, even ending with a fantastic cover of “Cry Little Sister” by CHVRCHES. For aspiring young writers especially, Nightbooks is an ideal spooky watch.
Best line: (Yasmin) “Weird? Who called you that? Well, they’re right. You are weird. I mean, look at you. The thing that makes you weird makes them ordinary, and nobody likes to be ordinary because ordinary sucks. So ordinary people are going to try and take that away from you by calling you names like… try-hard or…” (Alex) “Or creepshow.”
(For Day 11 of NaPoWriMo, the prompt was to write something based on some overheard dialogue. For lack of time and inspiration, I went with a quick summation of a recent movie’s paranoia instead.)
They’re watching me now as they whisper And guess what I’m bound to do next. Am I coming or going? I’m sick of not knowing, Just one among countless subjects.
They’re prodding and setting my limits. I only have so far to go, A rat stuck complying And gradually dying. The maze is my new status quo. ______________________________
MPA rating: Not Rated (I guess R for some F words, nothing else objectionable)
You know how sometimes you try a random, obscure movie just because the name catches your interest and you stumble upon something great you never expected to find? That’s happened to me before, but not this time. Infinitum: Unknown Subject is an example of what happens when science fiction has its head too far up its butt to deliver an actual story.
Shot on an iPhone during the pandemic with mostly a single actress (Tori Butler-Hart), the film starts promisingly as the bewildered Jane awakens tied to a chair in a sealed attic, being watched by cameras. She escapes and explores the house and the deserted streets outside, but periodically resets, returning to her tied-up starting position while also getting glimpses of a war-torn landscape and echoes of her own past or future.
It reminded me somewhat of “White Bear,” one of the best episodes of Black Mirror, yet the plot for the film doesn’t ultimately go anywhere. There are interview snippets of scientists (including a barely-there Ian McKellen) talking about experiments and the “paraverse,” but there’s never any clarity on what is actually happening to Jane or why. With the repetitious loops and lack of other character interactions, Jane’s journey makes for a painfully dull 86 minutes. I feel I shouldn’t dunk on Infinitum too hard since they were experimenting with how to make a movie during a pandemic, but this failure is an example of what not to do.
(For Day 10 of NaPoWriMo, the prompt was for a sea shanty, a form I’ve had fun with before. This film seemed like an ideal match, considering it features its own tavern shanty praising its legendary sea captain.)
When out on the waters, be wary, my lad. Don’t rest on the other adventures you’ve had. You’re only a squatter; you’re just a nomad, Compared with the creatures who call the sea home.
Enjoy the wide ocean, her salty sweet kiss, And balk at the notion there’s land that you miss, But don’t let devotion declaw the abyss. It’s waiting to claim all ye sailors who roam.
So empty your flagons, and I’ll empty mine. Go board your sea wagons, your ships of the line. You know there be dragons somewhere in the brine, But that’s where the fun is, out there on the foam. ________________________
MPA rating: PG
I am all for more animation studios throwing their hats in the ring alongside Disney, Pixar, DreamWorks, and Illumination, and luckily Netflix is willing to support such independent efforts. If the absence of more Pirates of the Caribbean has left you wanting for swashbuckling action, The Sea Beast aims to scratch that itch. Set in a world in which high-seas hunters pursue giant ocean monsters, the film follows brave hero Jacob Holland (Karl Urban) as he tries to help his vengeful Captain Crow (Jared Harris) to track down and kill the fabled Red Bluster, while also dealing with a precocious stowaway named Maisie (Zaris-Angel Hator).
The first half of The Sea Beast is a thrilling joy. The battles against aquatic behemoths are stunningly animated, recalling the similar fight against the Kraken in Dead Man’s Chest, and their size and menace could effectively trigger some latent thalassophobia. The characterizations of Jacob and his adopted father figure Crow are well-written and engaging, while Maisie is a spunky addition to the crew and a perfect stand-in for kid viewers. It seemed to be a refreshingly fun adventure, and though I wouldn’t say it goes off the rails, the second half weighed the film down with a message far too similar to How to Train Your Dragon, revising the initial conflict to tell us most of the monsters are merely misunderstood. Though the film has some perceptive lessons about even heroes being in the wrong, as well as the danger of history being written with an agenda, I can’t help but wish that the plot had remained a straightforward man-vs-nature adventure.
The Sea Beast may have been overshadowed by the likes of Puss in Boots and Pinocchio, but it deserved its Oscar nomination for Best Animated Feature. Despite the familiarity of many plot elements, it excels in seafaring derring-do and the charisma of its lead characters, so I look forward to what other adventures might await in a sequel.
Best line: (Jacob, of his fallen hunter predecessors) “Aye, they were heroes. But you can be a hero and still be wrong.”
(For this Easter Sunday of NaPoWriMo, the Day 9 prompt was for a straightforward sonnet about love, which has plenty of room for exploration. I decided to explore one of the weightier themes from this superhero film with “Love” in the name.)
From modern film to Jesus on the cross, ‘Tis clear that sacrifice is love most plain, For those who benefit feel more than loss But flattered gratitude to ease the pain. While many lovers may well entertain A chance to prove their love to that extreme, They must feel all their efforts are in vain When death creeps in with no intent or scheme, No bullet to prevent, no dark regime, No clear and present danger to oppose. What can one do when bladder, brain, bloodstream Wreak sabotage where no mere hero goes? Sometimes only our presence soothes the hour When sacrifice is not within our power. ___________________________
MPA rating: PG-13
I am very forgiving when it comes to the Marvel Cinematic Universe. I would defend the likes of Thor: The Dark World or Eternals when people badmouth them, and while Marvel’s overall quality does vary, I consider the brand remarkably consistent in entertainment value. Perhaps my natural affection for the MCU delayed my actual feelings for Thor: Love and Thunder, because I remember calling it a good movie when walking out of the theater last year. Yet the more I thought of it and especially after watching it again, I have to admit it: Thor: Love and Thunder is the first Marvel film I outright dislike. That’s not an especially unusual opinion, considering its generally poor fan reception, but it’s the first time I’ve agreed with the criticisms to this extent.
There’s nothing wrong with the basic plot of the film, which aimed to reunite Chris Hemsworth’s Thor with his old girlfriend Jane Foster (Natalie Portman) after her nearly decade-long absence from the franchise. Jane is suffering from stage four cancer and seeks out the broken pieces of Thor’s hammer Mjolnir, which grants her the powers of Thor (as “Mighty Thor”) and heals her when in her superpowered state. The two Thors must then rescue Asgardian kids from Gorr the God Butcher (Christian Bale), a deity-hating menace plotting to eliminate all gods.
There are traces of good ideas, notably in the action scenes with Gorr, one of which is a moon-wide slugfest with eldritch creatures all rendered in black and white. Bale is unrecognizable and downright creepy in the villainous role, yet he emotes all the grief and rage of a character whose faith was shattered beyond saving. Likewise, Portman handles her emotional moments well, even if it’s ultimately sad that her character was brought back just to deepen Thor’s sense of loss.
Those few positive points indicate the issue: the film is at its best in the serious moments, which are too much of a contrast with its otherwise silly atmosphere. Considering how many films and heartaches Thor has been through, writer-director Taika Waititi seems intent on keeping him a goofball, which worked well in Ragnarok, but the constant comedy isn’t as easily sustained here (though admittedly I chuckled at the screaming goats every time). From Thor’s first big scene “saving” an alien shrine by destroying it, he doesn’t act like the veteran hero he should be by this point. That’s just one example of the film’s lack of consistency, which also affects Jane’s story, as when Mjolnir, meant to help Jane fight off the cancer, somehow ends up hurting her instead. Plus, Tessa Thompson’s Valkyrie is barely of use, while the role of stony sidekick Korg (Waititi himself) has been over-promoted to narrator status.
The film’s biggest misstep for me is the second-act visit to Omnipotence City, a realm of gods from across cultures and planets. Considering the first Thor was careful to clarify that Thor and the Asgardians were not actual gods but just wielders of alien powers and advanced technologies, this film muddies the waters enormously and begs the question “What is a god in the MCU?” We see the cowardly Zeus (a meh Russell Crowe), future threat Hercules (Brett Goldstein), and various other deities of all shapes and sizes, so it seems that all “gods” exist in this world except the one God of the Bible, the one that Captain America invoked in The Avengers. Then there’s the fight scene with Zeus’s guards, who leak an excessive amount of gold blood as Thor’s crew battle them. It would be a distressingly gory scene if the blood were red, but does that mean gold blood is a sign of a god? Thor and other Asgardians have shed red blood before, so are they somehow not gods like the others? The whole sequence adds little to the plot, sort of confirms Gorr’s negative opinion of gods in general, and irked me deeply with the questions it raises with no intention of answering them.
Thor: Love and Thunder is a decent superhero film on its own, so I’d probably watch it again, but it’s a glaring failure as a would-be conclusion to at least part of Thor’s story. Many revisions might have buffed out some of the plot flaws, improved the discordant tone, and found better uses for the characters, like the Guardians of the Galaxy who essentially are given a glorified cameo at the beginning, again contrasting with what the end of Endgame seemed to promise. I hope Hemsworth will return as Thor again with a tighter and more serious story, treating this as just a speedbump to something more satisfying. Even if I appreciate what they were going for with this film’s ending, Thor deserves better.
Best line: [Who am I kidding? Of course, it’s the screaming goats.]
Rhyme and Reason 