Prometheus (2012)

18 Saturday Jan 2014

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An alien humanoid visits the Earth
And drinks a dark liquid that helps to give birth
To the whole human race, by inducing decay
Of the alien’s body, to spread DNA.
 
In the future, some scientists find common bonds
In ancient cave paintings; a star corresponds,
So Elizabeth Shaw and Holloway too
Think their creators are out there. (Do you?)
So they tell Peter Weyland, a dying patrician,
Who sends them and others on this expedition.
 
They fly for two years to the farthest of places
Till David, an android, awakes them from stasis.
Their ship, the Prometheus, lands on a moon,
And Holloway’s eager to find something soon.
Thinking they’ve found their progenitors’ home,
They enter a hollow, gargantuan dome.
They find some black urns, but not what they seek,
So David takes one, and the rest start to leak.
They do bag a guillotined alien head,
But a storm sends them back to their vessel instead.
 
Two redshirts are left and don’t live through the night,
For that liquid spawns something that gives us a fright.
Meanwhile, poor Holloway’s given a drink
That David has spiked with that dangerous ink.
He’s sick by next morning, and things go awry
When Holloway says that he’d much rather die.
But Shaw was impregnated by him last night
And has a machine cut her open (that’s right!)
And take out an odious, squid-like offspring.
She then locks the door to trap the gross thing.
 
Shaw finds out that Weyland is onboard, and why?
He hopes that his makers can help him not die.
They visit an alien Dave found asleep.
Dave tries to communicate, but talk is cheap.
The alien kills all but Shaw and prepares
To take off for Earth. Though our DNA’s theirs,
These Engineers somehow decided to spread
This liquid to Earth to kill us instead.
The alien tries to fulfill now that mission,
But Prometheus’ captain won’t give him permission.
The two ships collide, leaving Shaw the last here,
For she sics her own offspring on that Engineer.
With poor David’s head, she takes some other ship
To find further answers on some other trip.
__________________
 

I was originally not going to have Prometheus on my list because of the language, some very disturbing scenes, and quite a few unanswered questions. Yet Prometheus is the kind of film that keeps one thinking, and, after much consideration, I think I at least have some good theories to satisfy that last point.

I think the black liquid is a powerful mutagen, which is much more severe when ingested. That seems to answer questions like “Where did that snake thing come from?” (from the worms that were exposed to the fluid), “What happened to Holloway and Fifield?” (Holloway was experiencing a slower version of what happened to the alien at the beginning, and Fifield, who did not ingest it, was simply going berserk), and “What happened to the Engineers?” (I tend to think there was a leak, and they killed themselves in the same way Holloway preferred to die. The fact that the head, when reactivated, started breaking down seems to back up this theory.) The fact that the Engineer did not end up in the chair where one was found in Alien tells me that the crew of the Nostromo must have landed on a different planet, perhaps to be visited and set up appropriately in Prometheus 2. Someone else might have very well figured all this out already, but my coming to my own conclusions allowed me to better appreciate the film, though there are still a few unanswered questions about David’s motivations and such. The film left my VC a bit confused at first, but, upon a second viewing, she better understood and liked the film.

The outstanding special effects are light-years ahead of the original Alien, and, though Prometheus takes some cues from its predecessor/sequel, such as ending with a countdown and killing off nearly everyone, it also is able to stand alone, as director Ridley Scott wanted all along.

As a Christian, I don’t believe for a second that aliens created mankind, but this assertion in the film is tempered by Shaw’s unconvincing but sincere faith and her pointing out that someone must have made the Engineers. I find the gruesome, abortion-like surgery scene to be messed up on way too many levels, and Peter Weyland’s death scene seemed very abrupt considering everything before it, but the rest of the film mostly makes up for its faults.

Best line: The aforementioned quote questioning, “Okay, who made the Engineers then?”

 
Artistry: 7
Characters/Actors: 6
Entertainment: 5
Visual Effects: 10
Originality: 6
Watchability: 5
Other (violence, especially surgery scene): -7
Other (confusing elements): -4
 
TOTAL: 28 out of 60
 

Tomorrow: #347: Despicable Me

© 2014 S. G. Liput

Dinosaur (2000)

17 Friday Jan 2014

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The egg of an iguanodon is stolen from its nest,
And an island is eventually the place it comes to rest.
There it hatches, and some lemurs cannot leave him all alone,
So one Plio takes in Aladar to raise him as her own.
 
He grows big as a dinosaur, the only one around,
And commiserates with Zini, whose romance won’t leave the ground.
But meteors that strike nearby incite catastrophe
As shock waves devastate the isle and decimate their tree.
Though one family survives astride the faithful Aladar,
They’re the only ones who make it: Plio, Suri, Zini, Yar.
 
They are ambushed soon by raptors till they join a roaming throng,
Finding safety in their numbers so they gladly tag along.
All these dinosaurs are headed by the chief iguanodon,
Who is Kron, though I must mention too his right-hand man Bruton.
Kron believes the strongest make it and he will not change his mind,
So he often leaves the weakest and the elderly behind.
Aladar, who thinks survival of the fittest is absurd,
Joins the old, slow-moving misfits at the far back of the herd.
 
He finds water for the company and woos Kron’s sister Neera,
The most eligible beauty of the late Cretaceous era.
When the weaklings fall behind, they find some refuge in a cave,
Including Bruton, who was injured and too weak for Kron to save.
When two Carnotaurs surprise them in the most hopeless of traps,
Bruton holds them off and kills one when he makes the cave collapse.
All the others keep on going, and they find the nesting grounds,
Which are lush and green and fertile, but a rocky wall surrounds.
 
Aladar decides to go back to the herd to bring them here
Through the other way, and tell them that a Carnotaur is near.
Kron is none too pleased to see him, but the rest change loyalties
And they stand up to the Carnotaur (by bellowing) with ease.
On the edges of a cliff, Kron fights against the giant beast,
And though Aladar joins in, both enemies end up deceased.
 
All find happiness (and lemurs) in the valley’s choice location,
And it ends as it first started, with the newest generation.
_______________________
 

Dinosaur is a beautifully animated and photographed tale of survival that puts meticulously created CGI dinos on live-action backgrounds, thirteen years before the recent Walking with Dinosaurs made the technique seem new. The first seven minutes of wordless glory rival the beginning of The Lion King, combining jaw-dropping visuals with a marvelous score that is not nearly appreciated enough.

When it first came out, many criticized the filmmakers’ choice to have the animals talk. While this does detract from the film’s realism, it also makes clear Dinosaur’s laudable message of standing up for the weak in the face of a “survival of the fittest” mentality, which is sadly gaining ground in the world in the form of euthanasia.

The story itself is good, though unremarkable, and reminds me of the story of Moses (a newborn is separated from his people, is found and raised by another, rejoins his people, and eventually becomes their leader to the promised land). Most of the effects are nearly perfect, though some crowd scenes and close-ups are very obviously CGI. Plus, why they had the opening Carnotaur scene involve anything other than a stegosaurus (a la Fantasia) is beyond me. Despite a short running time and some scenes and dialogue obviously meant for kids, Dinosaur is more serious than other Disney films, as evidenced by the deaths of several characters. It might have risen to the level of respect of WALL-E had its creators somehow told the story wordlessly, but Dinosaur remains a lesser-known gem in the Disney canon that is certainly worth a look.

Best line: “If you’ll be my bride, I’ll groom ya.” (one of Zini’s groan-inducing pick-up lines)

 
Artistry: 4
Characters/Actors: 3
Entertainment: 6
Visual Effects: 8
Originality: 2
Watchability: 5
 
TOTAL: 28 out of 60
 

Tomorrow: #348: Prometheus

© 2014 S. G. Liput

#350: 12 Angry Men (1957)

16 Thursday Jan 2014

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A teen from the slums has been tried for the death
Of his father, and nobody’s holding his breath.
With two witnesses, it’s an undoubted fact
That the young man is guilty of this heinous act.
But there’s a lone juror who will not walk out
Until he’s convinced beyond reasonable doubt.
The other eleven who make up this jury
Respond then with skepticism or with fury.
An irascible sadist who’s quick to lay blame,
An impatient guy who’d prefer a ball game,
A foreign watchmaker, a prejudiced bigot –
They all hear his speech, but at first they don’t dig it.
 
Yet this lone Juror 8 who just won’t let this go
Begins earning allies who see they can’t know
For sure the boy’s guilty; what first was baloney
Begins to reveal holes in some testimony.
“Perhapses” and “Maybes” turn hearts of all kinds,
And one by one, everyone changes their mind.
From the knife that was used to the loudness of trains,
Their reasoning wins till one loudmouth remains.
This man who had claimed that he wished justice done
Realizes he’s mad at his own estranged son,
And, choosing to not take it out on this youth,
He changes his vote for the sake of the truth.
__________________
 

12 Angry Men, a film based off of a teleplay, takes place almost exclusively in a single room. Since it’s very obvious it was meant to be a play, there is little action, and the entire plot centers around 12 men talking and arguing. It might be called the Angry Dozen. It’s the kind of film that could not be made today with modern man’s focus on explosions or violence. No one would pay today’s ticket prices to see such a simply made film. (Few people did when it was released in 1957. The movie failed miserably.)

Yet it is a classic with brilliant performances from its dozen actors and deductive dialogue that would make Sherlock Holmes proud. Its claustrophobic use of camera angles and use of close-up scenes, with the actor staring into the camera (long before Jonathan Demme earned acclaim for this technique), allow its relatively boring plot to remain interesting. The stakes of a young man’s life are never forgotten and help with the tension as well. This is what I call a Triple A movie because it is All About the Acting. It’s not the kind of film I like to watch regularly, but there’s no denying its status as a true film classic.

Best line: (speaking of the young man) “Bright? He’s a common, ignorant slob. He don’t even speak good English.”

 
Artistry: 8
Characters/Actors: 9
Entertainment: 4
Visual Effects: N/A
Originality: 5
Watchability: 2
 
TOTAL: 28 out of 60
 

Tomorrow: #349: Dinosaur

© 2014 S. G. Liput

Witness (1985)

15 Wednesday Jan 2014

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A small Amish lad by the name of Sam Lapp,
Whose father just died, walks right into a trap
When he visits the city, a vast place of gloom,
And witnesses murder while in the restroom.
He gets out unnoticed, and he and his mom
Meet an Officer Book, who insists they stay calm.
He wants Sam to identify who did the crime:
He finds out it’s a cop named McFee in no time.
 
When Book tells his boss Schaeffer of a drug scheme
McFee is behind, things are not what they seem.
Book is ambushed and wounded while toting some suits
And realizes Schaeffer must be in cahoots.
He takes Sam and Rachel (the mom), and they drive
To Amish farm country to keep them alive.
But Book, who was shot, is too injured to leave
So the Lapps take him in, though they’re shy to receive
This English outsider who carries a gun,
But they help him recover, which stuns everyone.
 
He slowly adapts to this rural lifestyle,
Though he calculates what next to do all the while.
He learns to wake up at 4:30 to milk,
He helps with barn raising and things of that ilk.
He grows close to Sam but to Rachel much closer,
And does she resist his romantic charm? No, sir.
She tries at first, yes, but the choice is quite hard.
Should she stay with the Amish or leave with her guard?
 
At last, Schaeffer finds them and storms the farmhouse.
Both Book and the bad guys then play cat-and-mouse.
He drowns one attacker in a silo of corn
And shoots McFee too, but then Schaeffer warns
That he has Rachel hostage. Though he threatens to end her,
Book triumphs by guilting the cop to surrender.
In the end, there is sadness and breaking of hearts
Because Rachel won’t leave, watching as Book departs.
__________________
 

Witness is a beautifully filmed love story that manages to mix excitement, romance, and a realistic fish-out-of-water tale into a movie that was obviously meant to garner multiple Oscar nominations (which it did, including Harrison Ford’s only Best Actor nomination for the role of John Book). It also made my mother hesitant to let me go alone to a public restroom when I was young.

My family briefly considered joining the Amish several years ago, and, while we decided their lifestyle is not for us, I have the deepest respect for their way of life. Witness does a good job of presenting the Amish lifestyle in a way that makes it seem quaint but not backwards, simply different from ours. The cinematography and direction are lovely, particularly the barn-raising scene midway through, and help to make up for a few boring moments.

As with Inkheart, though, the end just isn’t very satisfying, mainly because it muddles the film’s message. Either Rachel should have left the Amish to go with Book, showing that love can overcome any barrier, or she should have remained faithful to her beliefs, showing faith and normalcy were more important to her than a sinful relationship. But allowing Rachel to act on her temptations (we can assume from the passionate kissing scene in the field), but not enough to go all the way and leave, just messes it up. It may be “realistic” in not having such a question be black or white, but the way it is done makes it seem that she took a bite of cake and will now live in denial of ever wanting to have the rest. But that’s just me. The nude scene and the frequent (though comparatively restrained) language also take away from the film’s entertainment and moral value.

Best line: (a tourist, after Book says something very un-Amish to her) “Did you hear what that A-mish said to me?”

 
Artistry: 7
Characters/Actors: 7
Entertainment: 5
Visual Effects: 4
Originality: 5
Watchability: 4
Other (nudity and language): -5
 
TOTAL: 27 out of 60
 

Tomorrow: #350: 12 Angry Men

© 2014 S. G. Liput

Meet the Robinsons (2007)

14 Tuesday Jan 2014

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Lewis is an orphan (and inventor, by the way)
Who desires to be adopted, but his efforts do not pay.
His inventions scare his prospects, who don’t seem to comprehend,
And his labors keep his roommate Goob awake for nights on end.
He invents a masterpiece then for a science fair and show,
Which will let him see his mother who had left him years ago.
But his gadget goes haywire, bringing chaos from unease,
And one Wilbur Robinson still follows him as Lewis flees.
He insists that Lewis fix it, and to strengthen his contentions,
He takes Lewis to the future in a time machine he mentions.
These two minors promptly crash it, so they go to Wilbur’s home,
Where young Lewis tries to fix it, but he cannot help but roam.
Lewis then meets Grandpa Bud and lots of quirky relatives,
Who give him a special tour of where this wacky family lives.
In the meantime, there’s a man who wears a robot bowler hat
Who’s intent on ruining Lewis and destroying him at that.
He attempts to make the memory thing his own, but fails the con,
Since he’s really much too stupid to know how to turn it on.
With another time machine he stole, the villain then implores
Various beasts to capture Lewis, using frogs to dinosaurs.
Wilbur’s lies of Lewis’ origins catch up to him at last
When his family soon discovers that the boy is from the past.
Though he wishes he could stay, they say he simply must go back
So he runs and then is captured by the bowler-hatted quack.
Then the spiteful wretch reveals himself to be a grown-up Goob
Who blames Lewis for his growing up to be a washed-out rube.
For while Goob grew ever bitter, Lewis garnered celebrations;
He’s the father of both Wilbur and the future’s innovations!
Goob and Doris, who’s the bowler hat, a vengeful past invention,
Then go back in time to put a stop to Lewis’ grand ascension.
When this changes up the future to a bowler hat nightmare,
Lewis fixes his first time machine and mends the whole affair.
After that, he meets his future self, and then goes to the past,
Where he has the chance to meet his mom who gave him up, at last.
And yet, he does not take it, for it might take things off track,
And he knows he can’t move forward if he keeps on looking back.
Lewis fixes his invention; he’s adopted too, all right;
With success and love within his sight, he knows his future’s bright.
__________________
 

Meet the Robinsons may not have had an overwhelmingly positive response when it was first released in 2007, but it’s an excellent family film. With imagination running amok and frenetic, fast-talking humor galore, it’s a remarkably well-constructed film that offers some mature themes alongside nearly SpongeBob-ian silliness. (I also thought the bowler-hat-controlled future looked very similar to Plankton’s bucket-helmet takeover in The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie three years earlier.)

The animation is good but obviously not the best CGI out there and seems to me to serve as the transition between the unimpressive Chicken Little animation to that of the almost Pixar-quality Tangled and Frozen. Though the time travel continuity falls apart during the bowler hat dystopia scenes, the writers were pretty careful in making most of the time travel elements work well together. The best part is the message of ”Keep Moving Forward,” a line straight from Walt Disney himself. The end definitely pulls on the heartstrings and made my VC cry the first time she saw it. Also, add “The Future Has Arrived” to the End Credits Song Hall of Fame.

 

Best line: (after insane craziness at the dinner table) (Lewis) “Is dinner like this every night?” (Uncle Art) “No, yesterday we had meatloaf.”

VC’s best line: “It’s shiny!” (a recurring gag)

 
Artistry: 3
Characters/Actors: 4
Entertainment: 5
Visual Effects: 5
Originality: 6
Watchability: 4
 
TOTAL: 27 out of 60
 

Tomorrow: #351: Witness

© 2014 S. G. Liput

Inkheart (2008)

13 Monday Jan 2014

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Mo is a bookbinder, but that’s not all;
He’s also a Silvertongue, as I recall,
Which means a book’s characters don’t have a choice
But to leap off the page at the sound of his voice.
He’s traveled with Meggie, his daughter, for years
In search of a novel that always disappears.
In Europe, at last Mo discovers a copy
And quickly escapes in his rundown jalopy,
For Dustfinger’s found him, a man he once knew
Who’s followed him closely and wants the book too.
Both Meggie and Mo stay with Aunt Elinor,
A haughty old lady who owns books galore.
But Dustfinger brings bandits to the chalet,
Who take them all captive and haul them away
To Capricorn’s village, where Capricorn waits
To force Mo to use his gift inside his gates.
For Mo had read Capricorn, Basta, and Dust
Right out of Inkheart; thus, his voice he won’t trust
For when they came out, his wife Resa went in.
He’s sought the book since and just now found its twin.
Mo reads riches out of Arabian Nights,
As well as a boy named Farid, but Mo fights
When Capricorn burns Inkheart without remorse.
Dustfinger craves home, so he’s sad too, of course.
Dustfinger finds that Mo’s wife has been read
Already from Inkheart to serve Cap instead.
He helps all escape in the hopes that they’ll find
Inkheart with its author, leaving Resa behind.
They locate Fenoglio, thrilled his book’s come to life,
And leave Meggie there and go back for Mo’s wife.
Then Meggie is nabbed with Fenoglio, who
Discovers that she is a Silvertongue too.
After much capturing and escaping as well,
Capricorn has forced Meggie to read and raise hell
In the form of the Shadow, a monster he had,
To kill the old author, plus her mom and dad.
But by reading the writing she writes on her arm,
She keeps the huge Shadow from causing them harm.
Instead, it attacks Capricorn, for he’s sinned,
And both he and his men blow away in the wind.
At last, all is well, and they leave (though I’ll note
That Fenoglio entered the world that he wrote).
And Dust, who is more than the fruit of a pen,
Goes back to his world and his wife once again.
_________________
 

As a film, Inkheart is not the best fantasy adventure out there, but it’s quite entertaining and features some good performances. As an adaptation of a book, it takes quite a few liberties with the source material but, overall, seems much closer to the spirit and original appeal of the book than Eragon does.

First, the good things: Brendan Fraser is likable as Mo, and Eliza Hope Bennett is cute as Meggie, his daughter, though her English accent is confusing alongside Brendan Fraser’s lack of one. Both of them take a while to get into their roles, in my opinion, but the standout is Paul Bettany as Dustfinger, who brings his character’s pathos and moral struggle to life through mere looks. He, as well as Helen Mirren as Elinor and Jim Broadbent as Fenoglio, fit their roles like a glove and are evidence of good casting. The special effects aren’t bad, especially the impressive Shadow in the finale.

Now the bad: The ending of a movie can really hurt or help it. Sometimes it ruins what is otherwise a good film (Fried Green Tomatoes), while other times it merely detracts a bit (Howl’s Moving Castle). This is another example of the latter, but it does drive me crazy. The unrealistic finale tells me two things: (a) that Meggie is a prodigy who can somehow copy the writing style of a book she’s never read in no time, and (b) that her arm is extremely long. Also, the filmmakers set up so many potential elements for the sequel Inkspell, from Fenoglio’s comparing Mo to a blue jay to having basically the same open ending as the book. But then they tack on the scene where Mo sends Dustfinger back and completely demolish any hope for a second film. No bad guys escaping, no Orpheus, no Farid pining after Dustfinger. That last point is the most maddening; the film’s Farid saying “I can’t follow him” is soooooo out of character, I can hardly stand it. That being said, the final scene of Dustfinger running to meet his wife Roxanne after nine years apart is touching (especially for my VC) and almost makes up for the stupid line that preceded it.

Nevertheless, Inkheart has the same thrill Fenoglio feels in seeing beloved characters come to life, and, as a fan of film and books, I think combining the two is a brilliant idea.

Best line: (Meggie) “You’ve been to Persia, then?”  (Elinor) “Yes, a hundred times. Along with St. Petersburg, Paris, Middle Earth, distant planets, and Shangri-La.”

VC’s best line:  (Capricorn) “Why would we ever want to go back, when your world is so accommodating, with your telephones and your guns and … what’s that sticky stuff called?”  (Basta) “Duct tape.”  (Capricorn) “Yes, duct tape.  I love duct tape!”

 
Artistry: 4
Characters/Actors: 5
Entertainment: 6
Visual Effects: 6
Originality: 5
Watchability: 6
Other (poor ending): -5
 
TOTAL: 27 out of 60
 

Tomorrow – #352: Meet the Robinsons

© 2014 S. G. Liput

The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie (2004)

12 Sunday Jan 2014

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After a dream of intrepidly being
A hero, with everyone gladly agreeing,
The popular sponge who still wears square pants
Awakes and is “ready” to go have his chance.
Greedy ol’ Krabs, who hopes cash will accrue,
Has opened a branch called the Krusty Krab 2.
Although SpongeBob covets the manager role,
Krabs gives it to Squidward, who has more control,
Who isn’t a kid like that sponge we all know,
So SpongeBob’s heartbroken and plods off in woe.
He gets drunk on ice cream with Patrick, his friend,
And, when he awakes, there has been a bad trend.
It seems that, as part of his evil Plan Z,
Plankton’s stolen the crown of the king of the sea.
He’s taken it off to the distant Shell City
And framed Mr. Krabs, whom we’re all now to pity.
King Neptune has come to destroy the crustacean,
But SpongeBob steps in to prevent devastation.
Both Patrick and he vow to bring back the crown
To save Mr. Krabs, who is frozen in town.
Driving a sandwich, they journey away
And have some adventures while saving the day,
From thugs who hate bubbles to trenches that teem
With fish who lure tourists with bowls of ice cream,
To Dennis, a menace that Plankton has hired
To make sure they fail (squishing them is required).
The pair are then trapped by Shell City’s protector
But luckily saved by a strong smoke detector.
Retrieving the crown, they attempt to run off,
But make better time riding Dave Hasselhoff.
With help from the Hasselhoff’s strong pecs and abs,
They come just in time to redeem Mr. Krabs.
Yet Plankton still wins, or at least so it seems,
Till Sponge plays the hero, just like in his dreams.
He saves the whole town with an epic rock song,
And Plankton’s in jail, where all villains belong.
At last, Mr. Krabs knows just what he should say
And makes SpongeBob manager. Yippie! Hooray!
________________
 

Anyone reading the list can probably see by now that I’m a big fan of animation, and that carries over to cartoons on television as well. Movies based off of animated TV shows are a mixed bag. Some do quite well (The Powerpuff Girls Movie), while others fail horribly (The Last Airbender). The Pokémon movies were okay but got old fast. Others that turned out better include Recess: School’s Out and the Rugrats films, but they were usually the last hurrah for their respective shows. Yet The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie stands out as the best apotheosis of the show on which it is based, and it did not spell the end of the famous sponge either. He’s still on the air, to the chagrin of many.

I’ll be honest: This film has many scenes of great childishness, silliness, and downright stupidity. Yet, there is enough real humor to make it worth watching. Plus, once the quest for the crown actually begins, it has moments of both excitement and morbid menace. (Frolicking through a field of bones? Yep.)

My VC fell asleep again, not being a fan of extreme silliness, but I had to wake her up for the awesome guitar solo at the end. It may not be over the end credits, but it certainly belongs in some cartoon song hall of fame.

Best line: (the citizens, when Neptune reveals his bald spot) “Bald! Bald! Bald! Bald! My eyes!!!!!” (cracks me up every time)

 
Artistry: 1
Characters/Actors: 3
Entertainment: 6
Visual Effects: 4
Originality: 6
Watchability: 5
Other (end song): 2
 
TOTAL: 27 out of 60
 

Tomorrow: #353: Inkheart

© 2014 S. G. Liput

Howl’s Moving Castle (2004)

11 Saturday Jan 2014

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Howl’s Moving Castle is set in a land that is normal but also enchanted,
Where battleships fly and where wizards and witches are feared and yet taken for granted.
This land’s on the verge of war mainly because a neighboring realm lost its prince.
Though some welcome war, a suave wizard named Howl can just shake his head and wince.
He once broke the heart of the Witch of the Waste and now she desires his own.
He rescues a hat girl named Sophie one day from her henchman, who seep out of stone.
An innocent bystander, shy and old-fashioned, young Sophie is cursed nonetheless
As a 90-year-old by the Witch of the Waste, who is gratified by her distress.
In the hope of removing her spell, Sophie goes to the Wastes on the outskirts of town;
There she rescues a scarecrow she names Turnip Head who’s bewitched and was trapped upside-down.
She then finds Howl’s castle, which walks on four legs, and, since she’s in places unmapped,
She enters and meets with a small fire demon named Calcifer, who’s also trapped.
The next day, she cleans the whole castle for Howl, who regrets her great zeal for the chore.
He later sends her in his stead to the king, who has summoned Howl there for the war.
Sophie goes and is joined by the Witch of the Waste, because she’s been invited as well,
But Sophie soon sees it’s a trap when the Witch is depowered and sapped by a spell.
Howl then comes to the rescue and helps them escape, and later, with Calcifer’s aid,
He magically transforms their home (now in town) to keep them all safe from a raid.
He flies as a bird every night to inhibit the warships that cause such destruction,
But Sophie’s afraid he’ll be terribly hurt by his treasonous wartime obstruction.
She removes Calcifer from the castle, which causes the whole cluttered thing to collapse,
But the Witch of the Waste thinks that Calcifer must have Howl’s heart, which can be hers perhaps.
In the chaos that follows, his fire is doused, and Sophie falls out on her own
And has an odd vision of Howl in his youth, which shows what before was unknown.
When she finds Howl and Calcifer, Sophie gives back the heart that Howl shared with the sprite.
This frees the fire demon and saves injured Howl and sets about everything right.
But also, then Turnip Head gets a small kiss from Sophie, which takes off his spell:
Turns out he’s the prince who had just disappeared so he bids the whole party farewell
And ends the dumb war; so then Sophie and Howl fly off, because all now is well.
_______________
 

Howl’s Moving Castle, Hayao Miyazaki’s followup to the more acclaimed Spirited Away, is a much more enjoyable film to watch, with imagination standing in for Spirited Away’s weirdness. This film is so ridiculously inventive and so beautifully drawn that I think it is more deserving of an Oscar than the one that did win. Plus, with its elderly protagonist and moving fortress, one can see how it inspired Pixar’s Up. The amazingly detailed scenes make Howl’s Moving Castle, along with the films of the Disney Renaissance, a high water mark for hand-drawn animation. My VC, who actually braved half of the movie before falling asleep, loved the gorgeous mountain scenery.

However, the plot stumbles irrevocably in the third act. All the interesting elements Miyazaki put together, from Turnip Head and the war to the Witch of the Waste’s desire for Howl’s heart, are just not resolved in a satisfying way. While it has an interesting take on war that I didn’t get when I first saw it (men turning themselves into monsters for their king and losing their humanity in the process), the war is resolved within seconds, making it all seem completely pointless, which may have been Miyazaki’s point. I also don’t care for the ambiguous talk about sorcery and demons being potentially good; maybe that makes more sense in Japan. With a time travel element that is poorly explained in the scheme of things and everything tied up in a nice little bow within the last five minutes, the end of Howl’s Moving Castle knocks it down to #356 on the list. Still, it’s well worth seeing, if only for the characters and visuals.

Best line: (Markl) “Are you sure you’re not a witch, Sophie?”  (Sophie) “Oh, yes, I’m the worst kind of witch ever, the kind that cleans.”

VC’s best line: “When you’re old, all you want to do is stare at the scenery.”
 
Artistry: 5
Characters/Actors: 7
Entertainment: 6
Visual Effects: 10
Originality: 7
Watchability: 5
Other (poor ending): -8
Other (ambiguous witchcraft): -5
 
TOTAL: 27 out of 60
 

Tomorrow: #354 – The Spongebob Squarepants Movie

© 2014 S. G. Liput

One Hundred and One Dalmatians (1961)

10 Friday Jan 2014

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,

Pongo is a bachelor, Dalmatian too by breed,
Who sees his human Roger has a very special need.
Without a female presence, all is apathy and sloth.
So the dog resolves to find some girls to satisfy them both.
He sees some in the park, and, though his plan does not excel,
Considering they marry, I would say it went quite well.
Now Roger’s a musician, mainly loved by wife Anita,
And Pongo soon has puppies with Anita’s dog Perdita.
With fifteen newborn puppies, they’re all jubilant until
A visit from Anita’s “friend” named Cruella De Vil.
Obsessed with furs, this smoking fiend insists she buy each pup,
But Roger’s firm, unyielding “No” just gets her dander up.
They all rejoice, although Cruella’s temper is enflamed,
And all the puppies grow a bit, though only six are named.
 
But then two robbers barge in once the couples both have left
And steal the pups for Cruella, who’s behind the awful theft.
Once human means bear no results, the dogs go to the park
And spread the word of what’s been stolen, through the twilight bark.
Through barks and woofs and howling too, the somber news is spread.
(They also get ‘most everyone in London out of bed.)
A ways away near Suffolk, once the dreadful news is heard,
A dog and cat investigate and find what was plundered,
The fifteen puppies, yes, but others, ninety-nine in fact,
All guarded by the thieves, who wait to do a heinous act.
Cruella’s stashed these puppies in this country house remote
To skin them all and have enough to make a dog-skin coat!
With help from Tibs the cat, they flee, but, when they’re almost caught,
Both Pongo and Perdita come, alerted of the plot.
Retreating through the snow, they try to lose the thieves outdoors
And finally escape upon a truck as Labradors.
Cruella and the thieves are left behind as they depart,
And all the dogs are welcomed by Anita and Roger’s heart.
They pledge to take the lot away and set up a plantation
For all one hundred one of their beloved new Dalmatians.
_____________
 

One Hundred and One Dalmatians has a very ‘50s/’60s feel to it, in addition to its many British colloquialisms which make it unique. The animation is in that “just okay” time period between Disney’s golden age and its Renaissance, but it’s obvious that much effort went into it, especially the scenes with all the puppies. As a cat lover, my favorite character is Sergeant Tibs, but everyone is likable, if not particularly memorable. And of course, Cruella De Vil is one of the classic Disney villains with a most vain and horrendous master plan, skinning dogs in the name of a spotted fur coat. Pure evil. The accompanying song also makes One Hundred and One Dalmatians a Disney classic, just not their best.

Best line: (Cruella) “You got any chloroform?”
(Jasper) “Not a drop.”
(Horace) “And no ether, ei-ther.”
(Jasper) “Eye-ther!”
(A fun riff on British pronunciations)
Artistry: 4
Characters/Actors: 5
Entertainment: 5
Visual Effects: 4
Originality: 4
Watchability: 5
 
TOTAL: 27 out of 60
 

Tomorrow: #355: Howl’s Moving Castle

© 2014 S. G. Liput

Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939)

09 Thursday Jan 2014

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Sam Foley, senator, suddenly dies,
And his state’s governor has to just improvise
When he’s caught between voters and James Taylor too,
A tycoon who owns him and says what to do.
They now need a stooge to replace dear old Sam,
Who won’t get in the way of a scandalous dam.
To avoid inquisitions and pleading the fifth,
They go with the unwitting Jefferson Smith.
 
Beloved by Boy Rangers, Smith seems quite the choice,
So naïve (they think) that he won’t have a voice.
While Taylor and most politicians are realists,
Jeff Smith is among the few wide-eyed idealists.    
Jeff goes on a tour when he comes to D.C.,
And leaves people searching for the green absentee.
He turns up at last at his office, unwary,
And meets a Miss Saunders, his own secretary.
He speaks with the press, but he loses his cool
When they twist his words, making him look like a fool.
Then Senator Paine, whom Jeff holds in esteem,
Suggests he should write a bill to realize his dream
Of a national boys’ camp set up by a stream.
 
Jeff writes it with Saunders, but Taylor’s men wilt
When they hear it’s the stream where that dam’s to be built.
Some scrutiny might just expose Taylor’s graft,
So he offers to bribe Jeff or give him the shaft.
When Jeff learns the truth and will not let it lie,
Paine, who’s in Taylor’s pocket, becomes the bad guy.
He lies to the Senate, accusing Smith wrongly
Of graft himself, spouting his calumny strongly.
Paine set Jeff up well, for his name is defamed,
And his anger and shock make him look most ashamed.
The Senate’s about to expel Smith to jail,
But Saunders and he will not let lies prevail.
Smith takes to the floor, and, with all he can muster,
He makes the truth known in a great filibuster.
Jeff’s boys fight for him against the Taylor machine,
Who won’t let the truth of Jeff’s speeches be seen.
Even when Jeff’s at the end of his rope,
When Paine has tried all to demolish his hope,
Smith says he’ll fight on, but he can’t help but wilt.
It’s then that Paine’s filled with such terrible guilt,
That he comes clean, insisting that Smith’s in the right.
Although he’s unconscious, Smith still wins the fight.
_________________
 

Considering that Mr. Smith Goes to Washington is one of the great 1939 movies and is in the top 30 on AFI’s list of the greatest films, it might seem strange for me to put it at #358. It’s a very well-made film, but, despite its exceptional cast and message, it angers me more than any film should. The scenes where Jeff is publicly shamed by Taylor’s lies enrage me because such things still happen in today’s politics, such as with Ted Cruz and Sarah Palin. This realism detracts from the film’s entertainment value and makes Paine’s sudden turnaround at the end unlikely and unrealistic. Nevertheless, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington is a classic of classics with a bravura performance from Jimmy Stewart. The powerful scenes at the Lincoln Memorial and during Smith’s filibuster are worth “the price of admission”, so to speak.

Best line: “Liberty is too precious a thing to be buried in books, Miss Saunders.” Amen!

VC’s best line: “You had faith in something bigger than that. You had plain, decent, everyday common rightness, and this country could use some of that.” Double Amen!!
 
Artistry: 7
Characters/Actors: 8
Entertainment:  5
Visual Effects: N/A
Originality: 5
Watchability: 4
Other (unrealistic ending): -2
 
TOTAL: 27 out of 60
 

Tomorrow: #356: One Hundred and One Dalmatians (1961)

© 2014 S. G. Liput