Monthly Archives: February 2014

Hitchcock (2012)

14 Friday Feb 2014

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Hitchcock is the undisputed “Master of Suspense,”
The biggest man in Hollywood (in almost every sense).
Fresh off another grand success, he wants something unique,
Not just another rehash of his former winning streak.
 
Then he finds a book called Psycho, quite a horrifying tale,
All about Ed Gein, who murdered on a most disturbing scale.
Deciding that this nut will be his next film’s inspiration,
He pours into the project his macabre imagination.
 
But the bigwigs up at Paramount think Hitch has lost his touch
And, despite his past successes, don’t support him very much.
They agree to distribution of his next film, if, that is,
He can find the needed funds for this bizarre project of his.
 
With the help of Alma Reville, his dear wife and confidante,
Hitchcock mortgages his home so he can finance this new jaunt.
He chooses Joe Stephano, whom he trusts to write the script,
And then Alma does the rewrites, though her credit’s often skipped.
 
With Janet Leigh to play the lead (who meets a grisly fate),
The famed director has the parts to make his movie great.
But Alma seems to always be with Whit, a writer friend,
And Hitchcock’s clearly bothered by this ever-distant trend.
 
But he himself has problems: He’s a shameless peeping tom,
And he ogles female’s photos; Alma knows it but stays calm.
With the censor being stubborn and his wife perhaps unchaste,
Hitchcock’s anger makes his body and his movie start to waste.
 
When he’s sick in bed, however, Alma steps up to the front
And directs in place of Hitch and films as he would want.
The final cut is less than great and stays that way until
Both Hitch and Alma reconcile and fix it with their skill.
 
The score in place, the censor soothed, at last his Psycho plays,
And, thanks to genius marketing, the crowds line up for days.
The shower scene is shocking but admired nonetheless,
And both Hitch and Alma celebrate their stunning shared success.
__________________________
 

The fact that a movie about the making of Psycho is higher placed than the film itself probably says more about me than about the merit of the two films. Psycho is a masterpiece of filmmaking and was totally unique when it was released in 1960, terrifying audiences across the nation simply because they didn’t know what to expect. Now, 54 years later, though, I must admit that it has lost some of its power. Probably because we have been jaded by ever-worsening violence, Psycho is still fascinatingly disturbing, but it’s not the most grandly horrifying thing ever filmed, as it was decades ago. Thus, with its most compelling parts diminished in that sense, much of the film is slow and dated, to be honest; therefore, Hitchcock manages to be more entertaining as a whole than the original.

Also, while Anthony Perkins was perfect as the deranged momma’s boy Norman Bates, the rest of the cast were just okay for the most part. In Hitchcock, just about every actor is at the top of their game, making it a definite Triple A movie, since it’s All About the Acting. Anthony Hopkins may not exactly look and sound like the great director, but he vanishes into the Oscar-worthy role just as much as he did in Silence of the Lambs. Helen Mirren is also wonderful as she brings Hitch’s long-suffering wife to life, and her impassioned rebuff during the couple’s big argument is one of the great soliloquies in recent films, leaving her husband and the audience utterly speechless. While the film is a rather kind treatment of Alfred Hitchcock, who would probably have just been a dirty old man without his great contributions to cinema, it is a compelling and ultimately sympathetic biopic of the man behind the silhouette.

Best line: (Hitchcock) “I’m under extraordinary pressures on this picture, and the least you can do is give me your full support.”  (Alma) “Full support! We’ve mortgaged our house! I’m your wife! I celebrate with you when the reviews are good. I cry for you when they are bad! I put up with all those people who look through me as if I were invisible because all they see is the great and glorious ALFRED HITCHCOCK!”

 
Artistry: 6
Characters/Actors: 9
Entertainment: 6
Visual Effects: N/A
Originality: 5
Watchability: 4
 
TOTAL: 30 out of 60
 

Tomorrow: #320: The Killing Fields

© 2014 S. G. Liput

Ice Age (2002) & Ice Age: The Meltdown (2006)

13 Thursday Feb 2014

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I recently sat down with Sid,
Diego, Manny, and Scrat too,
To ask them of the good ol’ days
In Ice Age, movies one and two.
 
Sid:
“Yeah, I was just fine by myself,
A single sloth all on my own.
Oh, sure, my family migrated
And left me in the tree alone.
 
And, yeah, I ticked some rhinos off
And made them want to crush my head.
That’s why I teamed with Manny here,
Since I prefer not being dead.
 
A mammoth’s good to have, you know,
When you’re the food chain’s bottom rung.
He seemed a little standoffish
And didn’t have the nicest tongue.
 
But then we found a human boy,
A baby, all forlorn and such.
And then, what’s more, Diego came
And seemed to want it very much.
 
I love the guy, but didn’t then.
(You know how sabretooths can be.)
Together, we all took the boy
To bring him to his family.
 
I thought it was a great road trip,
Our trio braving miles of snow.
Diego didn’t eat me too.”
Diego:
“Don’t think I wasn’t tempted though.
 
I’ll take it from this point now, Sid.
I led the way, since I could track.
My plan, though, was to lead our group
Back to my waiting sabre pack.
 
The human men had hunted us,
So vengeance was our only goal.
Yet, as I went, I grew to like
The ankle biter, on the whole.
 
And then when Manny saved my life,
I couldn’t trick them anymore.
I told the truth and all of us
Outfoxed my former pack, all four.
 
Though I was hurt, my buddies here
Returned the squirt without a word.
But I rejoined them afterward.
Our motley bunch was now a herd.”
 
Manny:
“I’ve asked myself why ever since.
It’s one long headache with these two,
Mainly Sid. Why, once he tried
To start a camp for kids. It’s true.
 
Of course, they would have buried him
If I had not been there to save
His sorry hide. That’s ‘bout the time
We almost met a watery grave.
 
The ice was melting all around.
We had to journey to a boat
Because a flood was coming soon,
And mammoths don’t exactly float.
 
See, I was feeling rather down.
I thought perhaps I was the last.
I once had had a family,
But that was in the painful past.
 
Then, Ellie dropped down from a tree,
Another mammoth! That was awesome.
And yet I was a bit perplexed
To see she thought she was a possum.
 
Apparently, she’d been alone,
And possums raised her from her youth.
Though first she was oblivious,
Eventually she saw the truth.
 
Her stubborn streak, and mine as well,
Got in the way of love at first.
But when the flood caught up to us,
I helped to get her through the worst.”
 
Scrat:
“All of you have had your time
To talk about your silly herd,
But I, through four whole Ice Age films
Have never said a single word.
 
But I feel I must say my peace.
I only ever sought a nut,
Which always has been swept away
By glaciers, floods, and who-knows-what!
 
I have been stepped on, shocked, and stretched,
Squished and thrown and frozen too,
That acorn still just out of reach.
I don’t know how I’ve lived; do you?
 
Why, I remember this here flood
These other three have spoken of.
I broke a wall to let it drain
And had a vision from above.
 
A lovely wonderland of nuts,
An acorn heaven void of strife,
Was to be mine, but then this sloth
Came by and brought me back to life!
 
I want a nut! Is that too much
For some filmmaker to arrange?
Why, even now it’s out of reach.
I tell ya, some things never change.”
__________________________
 

Ice Age is a franchise that has spanned a decade, and, while it may have gone on a bit too long for some people, there’s no denying the charm and entertainment value of the original. True, the animation is lackluster and the story is derivative, drawing from previous films like Dinosaur and Monsters, Inc., and it falls prey to the he’s-dead-no-wait-never-mind cliché. But, as with The Road to El Dorado, the main appeal is in the characters and their voice actors. Ray Romano as Manny, Denis Leary as Diego, and especially John Leguizamo as Sid become such endearing characters that it’s easy to see why the film spawned three sequels. Not to mention Scrat, one of the greatest slapstick characters of recent years.

I myself have only seen the first film and its immediate follow-up Ice Age: The Meltdown, which I like just about as much. Blue Sky Studios’ animation had greatly improved by then, and the action, laughs, and lovable characters were still plentiful, even if some elements are inexplicable, such as the existence of that MacGuffin of a Noah’s ark and the sudden appearance of the other mammoths at the end. I have thus grouped the films together since they are more of a piece than some franchises, but both films are definitely list-worthy.

I will also say at this point that this review marks the end of my long string of animated films. These films are all worthwhile, but I felt that better, more adult movies deserved a higher place. Thus, these were somewhat clumped together. Thanks to those still hanging with me.

Best line (from the first): (Manny, when Diego has Sid in his mouth) “Diego, spit that out. You don’t know where it’s been.” (Diego complies)
(Sid) “For a second there, I actually thought you were gonna eat me.” (Diego) “I don’t eat junk food.”

 

Artistry: 3
Characters/Actors: 8
Entertainment: 7
Visual Effects: 3
Originality: 3
Watchability: 6
 
TOTAL: 30 out of 60
 

Tomorrow: #321: Hitchcock

© 2014 S. G. Liput

 

The Road to El Dorado (2000)

12 Wednesday Feb 2014

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El Dorado is a city made, they say, of solid gold.
1519 is the year in which these escapades unfold,
In which two crooks make a journey to the New World from the Old.
 
Winning bets with loaded dice, Miguel and Tulio scam a map
Of the wonders of the New World from a less than pleasant chap.
When their cheating is discovered, they escape…into a trap.
 
Captives on Cortés’s vessel, they are baffled for a while,
Till Cortés’s horse Altivo lets them out in clever style.
All three end up in a lifeboat, floating mile after mile.
 
When they reach the New World’s beaches (with the map still close at hand),
They go on a grand adventure through this new, exotic land,
And they locate El Dorado, though not quite as they had planned.
 
They are taken to the city by the natives through a cave
And mistaken for two deities, omnipotent and brave,
So they play along and act as they think gods perhaps behave.
 
Chel, a native girl who’s willing to share all she knows about,
Sees the two are only faking, but agrees to help them out
If they also take her with them on their quick departure route.
 
Tannabok, the friendly chief, provides festivities that night,
While a priest named Tzekel-Kan thinks gods desire a bloody rite,
And his only wish is sacrificing everyone in sight.
 
Tulio just wants to lie low, but not so with brash Miguel.
He runs off into the city to have fun and thinks it’s swell,
While his partner Tulio begins to fall in love with Chel.
 
When an armadillo helps them win a hip-ball kind of sport,
Tzekel-Kan sees through their subterfuge and cuts their party short
By attacking with a giant metal jaguar of some sort.
 
Once he’s fallen in a whirlpool and has found Cortés to praise,
Our two heroes disagree and choose to go their separate ways.
Tulio decides to leave with Chel; his former buddy stays.
 
News arrives that Tzekel-Kan is guiding that conquistador
To the city, so the duo quickly gain back their rapport.
They want nobody to threaten El Dorado anymore.
 
So they sacrifice their gold and all the servants and the praise,
And they lock out Tzekel-Kan, Cortés, and all their violent ways,
And our heroes ride away to find another trail to blaze.
_______________________________
 

The Road to El Dorado is a musical adventure that attempts to be another Tarzan or Prince of Egypt, with some good music, exciting action, and some more mature content than most cartoons, but only halfway succeeds. It follows Tarzan’s example in having most of the Elton John/Tim Rice songs being sung by a singing narrator and only one number actually sung by the characters. While these songs are fun and enjoyable, they all end up sounding similar and don’t have the distinct memorableness of the artists’ work in The Lion King. Still, they clarify the mood for many scenes and complement the lively and colorful animation, which is almost as good as in the much more acclaimed The Prince of Egypt. The real pleasure of the film is in the two leads. Kenneth Branagh as Miguel and Kevin Kline as Tulio play off each other so well and their voices and unique inflections so fit their characters that the movie would suffer without them. They make some already humorous lines hilarious and turn the film into a “Road” movie worthy of Bob Hope and Bing Crosby’s classics.

While many reviewers objected to the weak plot and secondary characters, I take issue with its rewriting of history. The film presents the natives of El Dorado, who I can only assume are Aztecs, as peace-loving folk under the tyranny of a single bloodthirsty high priest. It lightly references the ritual killings of thousands of innocents and totally ignores the hostile lifestyle of the real Aztecs, who actively captured victims from neighboring areas for their sacrifices. Not to mention, there are some obvious flaws, such as Chel’s New York-ish accent, the isolated El Doradoans somehow speaking the same language as the visiting Spaniards, or the existence of a map to a legendary city that has supposedly never been discovered. Despite these weaknesses, The Road to El Dorado is another fun family film that, like many of the animated movies on the list lately, deserved a better box office turnout than it received.

Best line: (Tulio to Miguel) “The little voice, remember? Just imagine for a moment that you have one. Now, what would it be saying about Chel?”  (Miguel) “Um…” [he purrs romantically]

VC’s best line: (Tulio) “Your horse bit me in the butt!” (said as only Kevin Kline could say it)

 
Artistry: 4
Characters/Actors: 6
Entertainment: 6
Visual Effects: 6
Originality: 5
Watchability: 5
Other (aforementioned flaws): -2
 
TOTAL: 30 out of 60
 

Tomorrow: #322: Ice Age

© 2014 S. G. Liput

 

The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997)

11 Tuesday Feb 2014

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A wealthy family’s pleasure cruise becomes a new occasion
For horror and for trauma of the dinosaur persuasion.
So businessman John Hammond, who has learned from his mistakes(?)
Has decided to dispatch a team for his creations’ sakes.
 
He tells ol’ Ian Malcolm (you remember him, of course)
That some dinos have survived and somehow found a lysine source.
But John’s nephew Peter Ludlow wants to profit from the brutes
And remove them from an island, where the beasts have put down roots.
 
Malcolm tells John that he’s crazy when John offers him a spot
In a survey expedition that still has an open slot.
But when Malcolm learns his girlfriend is already part of it,
He departs to rescue Sarah, who is too headstrong to quit.
 
Though he finds her in one piece, he nonetheless is horrified
When he finds his daughter Kelly has, in secret, hitched a ride.
But then, once they’re all together, a whole helicopter fleet
Drops off Ludlow and his hunters, who are not at all discreet.
 
Malcolm, Sarah, and two others help to free the poachers’ prey
And they take a baby T. rex, who’s too hurt to run away.
While they try to heal the infant, Mom and Dad arrive on edge.
Once they have him, they then push our heroes’ trailer off a ledge.
 
All survivors band together, both the bad guys and the good,
And the body count starts rising, as most viewers knew it would.
One is stepped on; one just walks into an open mouth (which shuts);
One is nibbled by what’s equal to a thousand paper cuts.
 
Yet eventually, they make it to a radio that works,
But a male T. rex is captured as the villain Ludlow smirks.
He then has it shipped by freighter to a San Diego dock,
But the boat arrives by crashing and is lifeless, to his shock.
 
Then the T. rex male emerges, and he’s frankly mad as heck,
And his rampage through the streets leaves San Diego in a wreck.
But, with baby Rex, both Ian and his girlfriend lure the beast
To the ship again, where Ludlow ends up being Junior’s feast.
 
They return the giant creature and its child to the isle,
And mankind at least will try to keep his distance…for a while.
___________________________
 

The Lost World: Jurassic Park, which has an oddly flipped title for a sequel, has the same kind of thrills, chills, and kills that made the original such a success, but it’s missing something, namely intelligent characters. I mean, honestly, except for Ian, everyone is way too stupid to participate in such a dangerous mission. From wandering off too far to go to the bathroom to freaking out over a snake when a T. rex is right on top of them, the hunters are just plain dumb. One supposed expert tells everyone not to wander into the tall grass, but, when everyone else does in panic, he follows them and pays with his life! Even the Velociraptors are dumbed down, having apparently lost their ability to open doors.

Still, a clever script, restrained language, and some impressive, if somewhat violent, creature effects help to move the story along at a brisk pace, and the action sequence with the T. rexes attacking a trailer is particularly riveting. I also believe this one is better than the third film, which suffered from a short length and recycled plot elements. After all, in that one, Sam Neill was too stupid to wait for a check to clear before journeying to a dino-infested island, a mistake Vince Vaughn was at least smart enough to not make in this film. Also, Lost World manages some originality, which other films later drew from. The aforementioned “long grass” scene was reimagined with pygmies in 2001’s The Mummy Returns, and the line “There’s a dinosaur in our backyard” seems suspiciously similar to “There’s a monster outside my room, can I have a glass of water?” in 2002’s Signs. While not perfect, The Lost World is still a worthy addition to the Jurassic Park franchise, and, as for the original film, readers may see it somewhere higher up on the list.

Best line: (Malcolm to Ludlow) “When you try to sound like Hammond, it comes off as a hustle. I mean, it’s not your fault. They say talent skips a generation. So, I’m sure your kids will be sharp as tacks.”

 
Artistry: 5
Characters/Actors: 4
Entertainment: 6
Visual Effects: 6
Originality: 6
Watchability: 5
Other (language and violence): -3
 
TOTAL: 29 out of 60
 

Tomorrow: #323: The Road to El Dorado

© 2014 S. G. Liput

 

Doctor Dolittle (1967)

10 Monday Feb 2014

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In England, there’s a Doctor John Dolittle,
Who would rather be with animals than men.
He learns just how best to greet them
And comes up with ways to treat them,
And refuses too to eat them,
Though he’s tempted now and then.
 
This doctor earns the scorn of many people,
Such as Emma Fairfax, who believes him rude.
Emma’s uncle just abhors him,
Doctor Dolittle ignores them,
But one Matthew Mugg adores him,
Thinks the doctor’s wise and shrewd.
 
The good doctor seeks a giant pinkish sea snail,
Whose existence many scholars disbelieve.
Though he’s friend to fowl and bunny,
And the bees could offer honey,
All his patients don’t have money
So he can’t afford to leave.
 
Then a colleague ships to him a pushmi-pullyu,
Quite a rarity with two connected heads.
To the circus he displays it,
And they cannot help but praise it.
Any price, the public pays it,
And to John the money spreads.
 
Then the doctor sees a seal that seems unhappy;
She is homesick (this he knows because he heard her).
So he hides her with devotion,
And then, singing with emotion,
Doctor throws her in the ocean,
Which onlookers think is murder.
 
Though he proves that he is innocent of bloodshed,
An asylum still the justice recommends.
Of the charges, he’s acquitted,
But he’s nonetheless committed,
But his escorts are outwitted
By his animalian friends.
 
When the Doctor finds that Emma has decided
To go with them once their voyage has set sail,
He does not at first approve her,
But by then he can’t remove her,
So he thinks work will behoove her,
As he searches for the snail.
 
Once a thunderstorm destroys their flimsy vessel,
They all make it to a nearby floating isle.
Though each native’s educated,
All their laws are sadly dated,
And, for Dolittle, it’s stated
He must die in dreadful style.
 
But a whale he spoke with moves the floating island
Till it merges with the mainland once again.
There’s a ruling for this portent,
And it does not call for torment
So the punishment is shortened,
And they free the girl and men.
 
Doctor Dolittle then finds the fabled sea snail
And insists his friends go back beneath its dome.
News from home, for him, is splendid:
For his sake, beasts are offended
So his sentence is rescinded,
And he rides a moth back home.
___________________________
 

Doctor Dolittle is an old musical featuring Rex Harrison, not a forgettable Eddie Murphy comedy. This original 1967 version of Hugh Lofting’s classic book series comes closest to capturing the spirit of the books and manages to be a decent musical as well. True, Doctor Dolittle is nothing compared with other classic musicals, such as The Sound of Music, Oliver!, or even Rex Harrison’s My Fair Lady three years earlier.

The story tends to ramble and the Oscar-winning special effects look rather dated, but, nevertheless, it excels in one area in particular – the lyrics. Since I already love poetry, I enjoy musicals for their poetic use of lyrics to move a story along, and Doctor Dolittle definitely has some of the best. Whether delivering an ASPCA-worthy harangue over man’s inhumanity to animals (which inspired the above poem’s rhyme scheme) or crowing a jubilant ditty about the uniqueness of a two-headed llama (my favorite song in the film, sung by Richard Attenborough), lyricist Leslie Bricusse of Willy Wonka fame really outdid himself, and the songs well fit Anthony Newley’s Irish lilt and Rex Harrison’s speaking-with-rhythm style of singing. Granted, the slower tunes are less successful, like Samantha Eggar’s song and the song where the doctor realizes his (somewhat mismatched) feelings for Emma. The humorous script is also outstanding.

The best word to describe the film as a whole would be charming, even if it is a tad silly and overly long and a definite step down for the great Rex Harrison. My VC, on the other hand, loves almost everything about it, the film being a lifetime favorite of hers. Anthony Newley is particularly well cast, in her opinion. While there are many musicals I like better (as continuing readers will see), Doctor Dolittle definitely deserves a spot on my list.

Best line: (Dolittle) “If one place is as good as any other, it’s high time we decided. Otherwise when we get there, we won’t know we’ve arrived.” (a maddening line that could easily have been uttered by Captain Jack Sparrow)

 
Artistry: 4
Characters/Actors: 5
Entertainment: 5
Visual Effects: 3
Originality: 6
Watchability: 4
Other (songs): +2
 
TOTAL: 29 out of 60
 

Tomorrow: #324: The Lost World: Jurassic Park

© 2014 S. G. Liput

 

Rise of the Guardians (2012)

09 Sunday Feb 2014

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On a frigid winter’s night,
A boy arises from the ice.
He can’t remember anything,
But he can fly without a wing
And play with ice, but at a price:
No one sees him or his plight.
 
Years go by, and poor Jack Frost,
Who has not gained his memory back,
Causes blizzards, ice, and snow.
None believe in Jack Frost, though.
One day, Jack’s thrown in a sack,
And, through a portal, he is tossed.
 
Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy,
Easter Bunny and Sandman,
The Guardians of Childhood,
Protecting kids both bad and good,
Have summoned Jack to help their plan
And join their group so legendary.
 
The Boogeyman, Pitch Black’s returned
To threaten children everywhere.
The Moon has chosen Jack to be
A Guardian, surprisingly.
Jack doesn’t care for such fanfare
And tells them all he’s unconcerned.
 
Nonetheless, Jack tags along
When Tooth is raided by bad dreams
That Pitch has sent, so that the sprite
Cannot fulfill her rounds that night.
As morning gleams, to kids it seems
Their hopes for fairy gifts were wrong.
 
Tooth reveals kids’ memories
Are hidden in their pearly whites.
So Jack thinks, if they stop Pitch fast,
The teeth he stole will show Jack’s past.
The latter night, the whole team fights
To gather teeth, which one boy sees.
 
The Sandman falls to Pitch’s blade,
And, though they all help to prepare
For Easter, Pitch beguiles Jack
By giving him his ivories back,
And fills the hare with great despair
By crushing all the eggs he made.
 
Children round the world begin
To think our heroes are not real.
Their powers fade as Pitch’s grow,
And they cannot defeat the foe.
Pitch seals the deal with evil zeal,
Finds a hole, and drops Jack in.
 
There Jack opens up his tooth
And sees his boyhood way back when.
He fell and drowned beneath the lake,
For his fretting sister’s sake,
He saved her then, can save again,
And learns his purpose with this truth.
 
Helping children not to grieve,
The Guardian’s efforts start to pay.
Sandman returns to beat up Pitch,
On whom the tables start to switch.
His fears that day drag him away,
And all the kids can now believe.
_______________________
 

Another box-office disappointment on the list, Rise of the Guardians turns the most beloved characters of childhood imagination into a legendary A-Team. The CGI animation and voice acting are excellent, and the filmmaker’s own imaginations run wild with clever concepts applied to explain the “secrets” of these mythical Guardians. Such innovations include an army of hummingbird-like fairies to gather teeth for the Tooth Fairy, wormhole-producing snow globes to justify Santa’s one-night travel around the earth, and magical “tunnels” summoned by the Easter Bunny as if he had an Aperture portal gun. All these concepts and the fantastical worlds of the various characters are introduced at such a rapid pace most of the film just washes over the viewer, creating a sense of wonder, the obvious goal of the entire film.

I’ll admit that, for the most part, the climax seems to repeat what came before, and, by then, the prolonged scenes of “wonder” start to drag. After the poignant revelation of Jack’s tragic backstory, the action and wonder seem recycled from previous scenes, with the exception of Pitch being dragged to hell(?), a la Ghost. It also falls prey to a cliché I notice in a lot of movies, particularly animated ones: the he’s-dead-no-wait-never-mind conceit involving the Sandman. The most glaring fault, though, is that it completely ignores the true meaning of Easter and Christmas, mentioning “hope” and little else. Granted, the Man in the Moon stands in for God in many scenes and this is a secular film, but it seemed obvious that the filmmakers were trying to step around that elephant in the room.

Though the Tooth Fairy fares best in this regard, Rise of the Guardians creates a version of these characters, not the iconic version that it might have been. Still, with some funny lines, impressive animation, and that all-important foundation of wonder, it’s a worthy family film that should have performed better in theaters than it did.

Best line: (Santa) “Merry Christmas!”  (Easter Bunny) “Happy Easter!”  (Tooth Fairy) “And don’t forget to floss!”

 
Artistry: 5
Characters/Actors: 5
Entertainment: 5
Visual Effects: 9
Originality: 4
Watchability: 5
Other (ending drags) -4
 
TOTAL: 29 out of 60
 

Tomorrow: #325: Doctor Dolittle (1967)

© 2014 S. G. Liput

Cats Don’t Dance (1997)

08 Saturday Feb 2014

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Danny’s a cat in the old 1930s
Who travels (by song) very far.
He leaves his small town for his Hollywood dreams
In hopes of becoming a star.
 
With singing and dancing his tools of the trade,
In no time he lands his first part
Alongside one Sawyer, a cynical cat,
And at first he does not win her heart.
 
They play the two cats in a Noah’s Ark film
With Miss Darla Dimple, the young
“Lover of children and animals,” who
By Danny is quickly outsung.
 
She calls her gargantuan butler named Max,
Who follows her every command.
He intimidates Danny to stick to “Meow,”
Engulfing the cat in his hand.
 
Yet Danny will not be deterred easily,
And, with help from a movie icon,
He tries to inspire his animal friends,
Whose colors and hopes have grown wan.
 
But Darla and Max try to sabotage them
To make sure they all know their place.
They flood the whole studio, casting the blame
On the beasts, who are banned in disgrace.
 
Then, after a long and lugubrious song,
Poor Danny decides to bounce back.
He invites all his buddies to Darla’s premiere
To get all their careers back on track.
 
As Danny’s preparing for after the film,
Max attempts to prevent his display,
But a chase on the roof puts Max on a balloon
And sends the hulk floating away.
 
When Danny and friends then announce their surprise,
A song and dance show for the ages,
Young Darla, the loud child actor from hell,
Can’t stop them, but, afterward, rages.
 
She lets out her part in the earlier flood
And is “dropped,” so to speak, in advance,
While Danny and Sawyer and all of their pals
Have proven that, yes, cats can dance.
___________________________
 

(For those still reading, thanks for sticking with me through this juvenile section of animated films.  Though I am a fan of animation, I assure you more adult fare is on its way.)

Cats Don’t Dance flopped at the box office, mainly due to very little advertisements promoting it, but it became well known in my house due to Cartoon Network’s “Cartoon Theatre.” Along with other films like Wakko’s Wish, The Iron Giant, and Balto, this film was shown over and over, week after week, until we were almost sick of it, and then it fell off our radar for years before recently resurfacing for some well-deserved appreciation.

Yes, the Warner Bros. animation is not Disney quality. Yes, several of the Randy Newman songs are rather forgettable, and Sawyer’s number is too slow and depressing. And yes, there are many unmentioned implications with the idea of anthropomorphic animals being treated as second-class citizens. Yet, despite all of these issues, the movie is fun–short, straightforward, entertaining fun. The changing of the color palette during the “Animal Jam” song was an interesting bit of artistry I had never noticed as a kid; the opening and closing songs are memorable and catchy; Scott Bakula’s Danny is endearing, and Sawyer is quite attractive for an animated cat; and the whole movie has such a fast-paced sense of enjoyment that I can ignore most of its faults. Whether to watch with the kids or just for sheer nostalgia, Cats Don’t Dance is an unsung classic.

Best line: (Darla in film) “Yea, as you walk through your valley of despair, fear not. For I am your little Ark Angel, and I will look after each and every little, teensy-weensy, itsy-bitsy one of you!”  [audience goes “awww”]  (Cranston the grumpy goat) “Shoot me.”

 
 
Artistry: 3
Characters/Actors: 5
Entertainment: 7
Visual Effects: 4
Originality: 5
Watchability: 5
 
TOTAL: 29 out of 60
 

Tomorrow: #326: Rise of the Guardians

© 2014 S. G. Liput

 

No Way Out (1987)

07 Friday Feb 2014

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Lieutenant Commander Tom Farrell is at
A political ball and walks over to chat
With a beautiful woman, and banter advances
To kissing and loving, like many romances.
 
Tom learns Susan Atwell, the girl he’s gone for,
Is some politician’s well-kept paramour.
He’s also a hero when missions get hairy
And gets noticed by the Defense Secretary.
 
This David Brice chooses him as a close aide,
But later Tom learns that it’s Brice who has paid
For Miss Atwell’s “services,” such as they are.
Tom isn’t too pleased, but he’s loved her too far.
 
He takes Susan out for a lovers’ retreat
But, when she returns, who else should she meet
But Brice, who is jealous and, around twelve o’clock,
He kills her by accident, much to his shock.
 
He talks to Scott Pritchard, his true right-hand man,
Who quickly comes up with a devious plan.
They’ll implicate Susan’s unknown other lover
And hide Brice’s actions in one massive cover.
 
Scott aims all the Pentagon’s quizzical fury
At finding this man by suggesting he’s “Yuri,”
A Soviet mole they have searched for for years
And must be caught soon before he disappears.
 
Tom realizes soon he’s the man that they seek,
And he does all he can to not let the truth leak.
He’s given the reins of this investigation
And tries to escape this no-win situation.
 
It soon becomes clear Scott will use all his skill
To guard David Brice, even if he must kill.
Tom tries to prove David had also known Sue,
While slowing the quest to expose himself too.
 
When Scott, Brice, and Tom are together again,
There’s much finger-pointing among the three men.
But Scott is shocked when, after all of this fuss,
Brice is willing to throw Pritchard under the bus.
 
Scott’s plan was perfect till Tom came to foil it…
The end’s a surprise, so I won’t even spoil it.
__________________________
 

Like WarGames, No Way Out is a grand example of Cold War tensions. By updating the plot of The Big Clock, the book (and film) on which it is based, and setting it against this backdrop of international and personal intrigue, the filmmakers created a thrilling film that rises above the sum of its parts. Kevin Costner as Tom Farrell does a decent job at appearing charming in the first half and desperate in the second half, and Gene Hackman plays a good jerk in David Brice. The stand-out is Will Patton as Scott Pritchard, who loves his boss a little too much. His soft, calculating voice ranges from a little creepy in his first scenes to completely unhinged in his last. The film also has such a wonderful Sixth Sense-style twist ending that it totally changed my view of everything that preceded. I haven’t been afraid to include spoilers in my previous posts, but this is one surprise that should not be known beforehand.

No Way Out is definitely an adult film, with some steamy love scenes and a nude bar, plus some periodic foul language and shootings, all of which only detract from the film. Without these, it is still just as tense, thrilling, and fascinating.

Best line: (as Tom is being followed by a thug into the restroom) “I would rather do this myself. You can listen if you want to.”

 
Artistry: 6
Characters/Actors: 7
Entertainment: 7
Visual Effects: 5
Originality: 6
Watchability: 6
Other: (language and nudity): -8
 
TOTAL: 29 out of 60
 

Tomorrow: #327: Cats Don’t Dance

© 2014 S. G. Liput

 

The Pagemaster (1994)

06 Thursday Feb 2014

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,

Richard Tyler is afraid,
Because he knows each risk statistic.
Since he’s wary of their treehouse,
Dad fears he’s too pessimistic.
Seeing danger everywhere,
Rich thinks he’s smart and realistic.
 
Caught one day in rain and hail,
Richard finds a library, where
He meets a strange librarian
Whose words intrigue and somewhat scare.
He gives the boy a library card,
And says there’s fun for those who dare.
 
Richard wanders through the maze
Of books and shelves and information.
Then a mural melts and turns
The boy into an illustration.
Richard meets the Pagemaster,
Who tells him of his destination.
 
Soon he also meets Adventure,
Who’s a surly living book.
Fantasy and Horror follow,
Joining Richard, and they look
For the exit of this giant,
Danger-loaded reading nook.
 
Escaping from such characters
As Moby Dick and Mr. Hyde,
Richard braves the fiction section,
With the EXIT as his guide.
Reaching Fantasy’s home aisle,
They must reach the other side.
 
As the four approach the exit,
They are ambushed by a beast,
A dragon, which ingests poor Richard,
But, by books, he is released.
Facing all his greatest fears,
Richard holds his own, at least.
 
Finally, they reach the exit,
At the end of their crusade.
Richard leaves the magic library,
Checking out the friends he made,
And his parents later find him
In his treehouse, unafraid.
_______________________
 

The Pagemaster is like Balto in combining live-action and animation to show different sections of the story. In Balto, events in the past were animated, while in The Pagemaster, it is the alternate world Richard visits. Its theme of books coming to life also seems like a precursor to Inkheart. I grew up reading juvenile versions of all the classics mentioned in this film (Treasure Island, The Hound of the Baskervilles, Gulliver’s Travels, etc.), and it was one of my favorite movies growing up, because the whole thing was like an Easter egg hunt, a challenge to find as many book references as I could. It also features many hilarious lines and a great cast, including Macaulay Culkin as Richard, Christopher Lloyd as the Pagemaster/Librarian, Patrick Stewart as Adventure, Whoopi Goldberg as Fantasy, and Frank Welker as Horror. Though Richard’s timidity and dialogue are a bit over-exaggerated, the voice actors for his book friends are absolutely perfect in their roles.

The animation and effects look a little dated, and there are some inconsistencies (What happened to the giant squid? Why are 20,000 Leagues under the Sea and Kidnapped not in the Adventure section? Why is the librarian acting so weird? Then again it is Christopher Lloyd.). Those not interested in classic fiction might not get as much out of it, but The Pagemaster certainly belongs on my list for the place of honor it held in my childhood.

Best line: (Adventure, trying to woo Fantasy) “How would you like to curl up with a good book?”

 
Artistry: 3
Characters/Actors: 6
Entertainment: 5
Visual Effects: 4
Originality: 6
Watchability: 5
 
TOTAL: 29 out of 60
 

Tomorrow: #328 – No Way Out (1987)

© 2014 S. G. Liput

 

#330: A Goofy Movie (1995)

05 Wednesday Feb 2014

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,

Max is Goofy’s teenage son.
He tries to impress everyone
At school by pulling off a stunt,
All because he doesn’t want
To end up like his dad, a Goof.
And so, he does a stylish spoof
Of none other than Powerline,
The greatest rock star of all time.
 
The principal is quite irate,
But Max is glad; he has a date,
A party with his crush Roxanne.
Who seems to be his biggest fan.
But Dad has other plans in mind:
The father-son vacation kind.
Concerned for him, Dad wants to go
And fish with Max in Idaho.
 
Max rides along against his will,
But says goodbye to Roxanne still,
And lies, unsure of what to say,
And says he’s going to L.A.
To dance with Powerline on stage.
(That’s stupid, even for his age.)
Roxanne believes and bids farewell,
As Max goes on the trip from hell.
 
His dad and he don’t get along,
Although they both do sing a song.
At every stop along the way,
Max is filled with more dismay.
At last, when Max has had enough
Of all this “fun” and bonding stuff,
While Bigfoot’s on the roof (don’t ask),
He undertakes a risky task.
 
While Goofy takes a noisy nap,
His son attempts to change the map
And have their route end in L.A.
When Goofy learns of Max’s play,
He feels betrayed, but, in heartache,
Forgets to set the parking brake.
The two of them end up afloat
Atop their Pacer like a boat.
 
They come to terms, the two goofballs,
And save each other from a falls.
Then Goofy helps his son to get
On stage with Powerline. (No sweat.)
They crash the concert in mid-song,
But both of them just dance along.
At home, Max tells Roxanne the truth
And lets her meet his dad, the Goof.
_________________________
 

A Goofy Movie starts out as a musical Grease wannabe before transitioning into a hellish road movie and then ending with a finale that belongs on MTV. Ultimately, though, it is a father-son buddy movie and builds on that relationship better than its previously reviewed sequel did. While Goofy was still rather overbearing in his Extreme second film, most of his actions were fairly reasonable parental activities (making breakfast, cleaning up, urging his son to study, etc.) that Max never appreciated and eventually rebuffed a tad too harshly. In A Goofy Movie, though, Max’s embarrassment and angst are a bit more understandable, since Goofy seems to be going out of his way to force Max to participate in things Goofy should know by now that he doesn’t enjoy. Max, however, also crosses the line by lying to his dad and indeed violating his father’s trust. Since both of them bear some blame, the reconciliation at the end feels less one-sided and more genuine.

The other reason this one is higher than An Extremely Goofy Movie is that it has a number of original songs. As a fan of musicals and animation, I love when they are combined, and the film manages some nifty little musical numbers, some of which are more memorable than others. “After Today” and “I 2 I” are the best of the bunch, though “On the Open Road” isn’t bad too–after all, where else can one see a corpse dancing and singing atop a hearse alongside truckers and nuns? I especially love “I 2 I,” which is sung by the Michael Jackson-like Tevin Campbell and certainly deserves a place of honor in my End Credits Song Hall of Fame.

Despite all these good points, A Goofy Movie may be goofy but is not always funny. The scene where Goofy and Max visit the opossum theme park is (as Max says) “pathetic” and is not fun to watch at all. Also, the film doesn’t have nearly as many good lines as its sequel, and the animation seems inferior to me, which is a shame considering it was released in the middle of the Disney Renaissance. Still, it is worth seeing at least for the great voice acting and the catchy songs.

Best line: (Max) “I’m not your little boy anymore, Dad! I’ve grown up! I’ve got my own life now!”  (Goofy) “I know that! I just wanted to be part of it. [calmer] You’re my son, Max. No matter how big you get, you’ll always be my son.” (Cue the “awwww” from parents.)

 
Artistry: 2
Characters/Actors: 6
Entertainment: 5
Visual Effects: 4
Originality: 4
Watchability: 5
Other (songs): +3
 
TOTAL: 29 out of 60
 

Tomorrow: #329: The Pagemaster

© 2014 S. G. Liput