The McCallister household is full

Of family; no moment is dull.

It’s Christmas; they’re stressed,

And young Kevin’s a pest

And makes one and all miserable.

 

He wishes they’d all go away,

And when they wake up the next day,

They rush to vacation

And, leaving the nation,

Find Kevin just happened to stay.

 

As Mom is consumed with concern

And does all she can to return,

Her son, home alone,

With no parents or phone,

Is thrilled with this fortunate turn.

 

While Kevin has fun and makes merry,

Two cat burglars named Marv and Harry

Are eyeing with guile

His rich domicile,

But Kevin is gleefully wary.

 

Right after the boy comes to terms

With a man who benignly confirms

The importance of kin,

Kevin leaves to begin

Preparing for two burglar worms.

 

With booby traps set everywhere,

He catches the pair unaware.

The bumbling knaves

And the vengeance each craves

Are no match for his every snare.

 

The McCallister home is defended.

And family rapport is commended.

Our kid’s reunited

With family delighted,

Though his fight with crooks isn’t ended.

________________

 

Home Alone was one of the most successful live-action comedies ever made, topping the box office for twelve weeks and making its combination of charm and torture a holiday staple. Written by John Hughes and directed by Mrs. Doubtfire’s Chris Columbus, the now-classic Christmas movie made young Macaulay Culkin a household name and (hopefully) prevented countless parents from neglecting to bring along their children on vacation.

The film doesn’t start off like the kind of film I would enjoy. Kevin and his relatives are realistically bratty, with little reason to like any of them. Once he is actually left alone, the plot improves dramatically. What kid hasn’t wanted the whole house to themselves and the freedom to do what they want when they want how they want? Yet Kevin turns out to be surprisingly responsible, in contrast to his inattentive mother (and father), who spends the rest of the film mostly making up for her lapse in judgment by displaying sympathetic, if pointless, worry for her abandoned child. Luckily, though, the blame isn’t all on her: Kevin is by no means an angel and his admittance of such allows him some proper remorse. His conversation with Old Man Marley (Roberts Blossom) in the church perfectly addresses both of their familial conflicts. (Incidentally, the scene begins with my VC’s favorite Christmas song, “O Holy Night,” and ends with mine, “Carol of the Bells.”)

Of course, much of the film’s credit should go to Daniel Stern and Joe Pesci as Marv and Harry, the two bumbling thieves who deserve a place amongst memorable comedic odd couples. Their persistence is matched only by their stupidity in walking into trap after trap set by the devious boy of the house. Pesci’s constant muttering of “Razzin, frazzin…” is hilarious (yes, he amuses me), while the spider scene proves Stern as one of the great male screamers of our time. Plus, for added comedy, Hughes brought along John Candy from Planes, Trains, and Automobiles for a small but humorous role as a kindhearted polka bum.

John Williams’ carol-infused score is also outstanding, and his own little noel, “Somewhere in My Memory,” deserves a spot in my End Credits Song Hall of Fame. Only the sweet closing scenes are actually set on Christmas, but the whole film illustrates the Christmas season, with films like It’s a Wonderful Life (in French!) and Miracle on 34^th Street included for good measure. Also, it thankfully doesn’t shy away from the sacred aspects of Christmas, including a crèche scene, a church, and themes of forgiveness. All in all, Macaulay Culkin’s first major role was his best, yet another Christmas film that my family revisits year after year.

Best line: (Kate McCallister/Mom) “Tell me, have you ever gone on vacation and left your child home?”

(Polka king Gus, after a pause) “No, no. But I did leave one at a funeral parlor once. Yeah, it was—was terrible too. I was all distraught and everything, you know, the wife and I, and we left the little tyke there in the funeral parlor all day. All day. You know, we went back at night, when you know, we came to our senses, and there he was, apparently he was there alone all day with the corpse. Yeah, he was okay, you know, after six, seven weeks he came around and started talking again… But he’s okay. You know, they get over it; kids are resilient like that.”

(Kate) “Maybe we shouldn’t talk about this.”

 

Rank: 55 out of 60

 

© 2014 S. G. Liput

247 Followers and Counting

‘Twas days before Christmas throughout the Midwest,

And young Ralphie Parker was clearly obsessed

With gaining the gift of a grandiose gun,

A Red Ryder air rifle second to none.

His teacher and Santa and Mom had no doubt

That, if he received it, he’d “shoot his eye out,”

But still he would dream of the glorious day

When he’d get the gun from the Christmas display.

 

As Ralphie’s friend Flick found his frozen tongue trapped,

As bullies tormented them till Ralphie snapped,

As Ovaltine ads disappointed the scamp,

As Mom and Dad fought over one gaudy lamp,

As imprudent words left him sampling soap,

He planned and held onto his undying hope:

The gun of his dreams. Though that Christmas had sighs,

He got and remembered both woes and his prize.

__________________

 

Sometimes, I find it difficult to imagine a time before certain films entered the pop culture stream; A Christmas Story is one of those films. Though set in an ambiguous ’30s-‘40s era in Indiana, it holds a ubiquitous nostalgia that even those whose childhoods were far-removed from that time and place can find plenty to which they can relate. In a way, Jean Shepherd’s novelized sketches of one hilarious Christmas seem to capture the very essence of childhood during the holidays.

Shepherd himself narrates the familiar vignettes with casual grandiloquence, while Peter Billingsley portrays his shrewd younger self. Ralphie is an engaging “everykid,” whose solecism and sporadic brattiness are easily forgiven, since after all, who wasn’t an occasional selfish rascal when growing up? Though Ralphie’s parents seem like tired stereotypes (the blustering, foul-mouthed patriarch and the dense, unassuming mother), they both are treated affectionately throughout, even in their parental judgments, and become more sympathetic as the film continues. They feel like real parents, not always getting along nor indulging their children as much as they might wish, but capable of unexpected kindness that sticks in a child’s memory just as strongly as pink bunny pajamas.

Every moment of this film is a paradigm of Christmas reminiscences, from Ralphie’s over-the-top fantasies to the oft-repeated assertion that BB guns can only end in ocular injury. Why A Christmas Story was coolly received upon its release, I’ll never know; perhaps nostalgia wasn’t “in” in 1983 or critics just couldn’t recognize an instant classic when they saw it. Regardless, it has risen to its due popularity over time and is typically repeated for the entirety of Christmas Day on TBS. Some Christmas movies focus on its true meaning, like The Nativity Story; some put the emphasis on wonder and vague holiday spirit, like The Polar Express; some just happen to be set at Christmastime, like Die Hard; and some are eternal portraits of yuletide Americana, the best of which is A Christmas Story.

Best line: (Ralphie’s narration, after he spills the F-dash-dash-dash word) “Over the years I got to be quite a connoisseur of soap. My personal preference was for Lux, but I found Palmolive had a nice, piquant after-dinner flavor – heady, but with just a touch of mellow smoothness. Life Buoy, on the other hand…” (young Ralphie) “YECCHH!”

VC’s best line (the more obvious): (Ralphie’s mom, his teacher, and Santa Claus) “You’ll shoot your eye out.”

 

Rank: 55 out of 60

 

© 2014 S. G. Liput

243 Followers and Counting