Category Archives: Writing

Journey to the Center of the Earth (2008)

05 Thursday Jun 2014

Posted by in Movies, Poetry, Reviews, Writing

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, ,

When Trevor Anderson, a failing volcanologist,
Is visited by nephew Sean, they try to coexist.
A decade earlier, Sean’s father Max just disappeared
While proving geologic theories he had pioneered.
 
They locate Max’s copy of the classic book by Verne,
A Journey to the Center of the Earth, and they discern
That Max saw seismic signals, that are present now as well,
Which sent him off to Iceland, where his brother thinks he fell.
 
Both Sean and Trevor follow where they think Max may have flown,
A closed-down institute where a young woman lives alone.
This Hannah says her father thought Verne’s book was based on fact,
And Max most likely did as well, though why is not exact.
 
She takes them to the mountain where a sensor’s activated,
But lightning traps them in a cave; their journey seems ill-fated.
Descending deeper underground, they find a vacant mine
And, after cruising in some carts, discover gems that shine.
 
The floor gives out from under them, and falling takes a while.
At last, they reach the bottom after mile after mile.
They find a giant, hidden world within the planet’s core,
Just like the book by Verne that they had not believed before.
 
Once they find Max’s body, they know danger is afoot.
The temperature is rising, and the trio can’t stay put.
They sail across the ocean; though Sean ends up blown away,
They all continue northward, having only one more day.
 
Encountering more perils, killer plants and floating stones,
Both Sean and Trevor reunite upon a field of bones.
Escaping from a T-Rex, they and Hannah hitch a ride
On a giant lava geyser that blows all of them outside.
 
The group emerge in Italy in cockamamie style,
And Sean brought back some diamonds that help make the trip worthwhile.
When Sean’s about to leave, his Uncle Trevor then suggests
Atlantis could be next on their potential list of quests.
____________________
 

Journey to the Center of the Earth is one of those special effects overloads that, unlike the Transformers films, doesn’t take itself too seriously. It was never meant to be an Oscar contender or an award winner of any kind; it’s just a flawed but all-around fun movie to watch. It’s definitely an enjoyable ride.

I suppose the main reason that my VC and I like it is Brendan Fraser. He’s a skilled and very likable actor, but his career choices have often been stinkers. In Journey, his campy but sincere acting has the right outlet, unlike George of the Jungle or Furry Vengeance. Josh Hutcherson and Anita Briem also own their roles as Sean and Hannah.

To be honest, much of this we’ve seen before. The continuous falling reminded me of a similar scene in Spy Kids 2, the mine cart is like the climax of Temple of Doom, and the dinosaur scenes aren’t that different from the likes of Dinosaur or Jurassic Park. There are also plenty of plot holes. If the temperature is rising so drastically and has done so before, how do the glowing birds survive? How can a Venus fly-trap without eyes, lungs, or a brain attack and hiss at someone? How can they do all that work, building a raft and such, without sweating much or breathing hard in 100-degree-plus heat? If she isn’t like her father, why is an attractive single lady living alone in a deserted wasteland?

Thus, this is not a film for nitpickers. It’s an entertaining and clean adventure with dazzling effects (originally intended to be seen in 3-D) and a pseudo-scientific backing. I wonder what Verne would think of it? (By the way, I don’t care to see Journey 2: The Mysterious Island. Dwayne Johnson isn’t a good enough substitute for Fraser, in my opinion as well as my VC’s.)

Best line: (Sean, in danger, after Trevor’s mention of a rock called schist) “Oh, we’re in deep schist.”

 
Artistry: 3
Characters/Actors: 6
Entertainment: 9
Visual Effects: 8
Originality: 5
Watchability: 9
 
TOTAL: 40 out of 60
 

Next: #218 – Superman II

© 2014 S. G. Liput

120 Followers and Counting

 

#220: Pinocchio (1940)

04 Wednesday Jun 2014

Posted by in Movies, Poetry, Reviews, Writing

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , ,

When you wish upon a star,
It can kindle things bizarre.
Like a puppet made of wood
Becoming real.
When Geppetto, cheerful yet,
Made his youthful marionette,
He pronounced his puppet good
And played with zeal.
 
When he wished he had a boy,
To delight in and enjoy,
One Blue Fairy came that night
And filled his wish.
Jiminy Cricket is assigned
So Pinocchio will mind;
He will teach the boy what’s right
And what’s wrong-ish.
 
On his first day out to school,
Young Pinocchio’s a fool;
He’s tricked by a fox and cat
To take the stage.
He performs to quite the crowd,
But to leave is not allowed.
He’ll make his boss rich and fat,
But in a cage.
 
That Blue Fairy, kind and wise,
Comes to him, but he just lies.
Though his nose extends and grows,
She helps him out.
When the puppet’s free to roam,
He is stopped while running home.
Fox and cat again impose
To change his route.
 
He instead wastes time a while,
Acting bad on Pleasure Isle,
But he’s shocked to learn the cause
Of where friends go.
When boys act their worst, alas,
Each becomes a poor jackass.
Though Pinocchio withdraws,
He’s filled with woe.
 
Back at home, Geppetto’s gone;
He is hungry, cold, and wan
Inside Monstro, a great whale
Who causes fright.
In the sea, Pinocchio
Is devoured by Monstro.
Puppet and creator hail
And reunite.
 
Though they both are in a scrape,
That small puppet plans escape.
On Geppetto’s raft, he makes
The beast lose its meal.
On a beach, the group is spilled,
But Pinocchio is killed.
Yet he offered what it takes
To now be real.
_________________
 

Pinocchio is a true classic and is widely considered to be Disney’s greatest masterpiece. You’ll find that not all of Disney’s older films are on my list, notably Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Snow White was chosen as the best American animated film by AFI and is lauded by critics today as well as when it was released, but it’s just not my cup of tea. I have no issue with fairy tale movies, the scenes with the dwarves, or the exciting end, but Snow White herself is entirely too bland, the voice acting is often grating, and the film drips sugar. I think it’s gained most of its accolades solely because it was the first full-length animated film.

In contrast, Disney’s next film Pinocchio offers some saccharine moments but is a vast step forward in character development, entertainment, and animation quality. Pinocchio himself has an actual character arc, and the villains he meets are all colorful and frightening in different ways. The beginning is overtly child-centric (which isn’t necessarily a bad thing), but the end is impressively thrilling, and everything that comes between succeeds in confirming to all bad little boys that they should listen to their parents and consciences. Considering this was only the second animated film released, Disney’s animators pulled off some beautiful pictures and amazingly fluid scenes, from the opener with all the cuckoo clocks to Pinocchio’s walk through the underwater world of Monstro.

I don’t usually think of Pinocchio as a musical, but it does have some charming ditties, including “Give a Little Whistle” and the ever-classic “When You Wish upon a Star.” I especially enjoy Pinocchio’s performance of “I’ve Got No Strings,” which predates The Sound of Music’s puppeteering version of “The Lonely Goatherd” by over twenty years. The songs aren’t on the level of Alan Menken or the Sherman brothers, but they’re memorable nonetheless.

Disney put his indelible stamp on the project and certainly “Disney-fied” the material, leaving out some darker elements from Collodi’s book, such as Pinocchio and Lampwick being tormented to death as donkeys or Pinocchio’s killing of a certain talking cricket. Though, there’s still a good amount of smoking, including by children, that wouldn’t fly nowadays. One interesting thing my VC pointed out was the film’s frequent focus on the posterior as the “butt” of several jokes. It’s certainly tame, but I wonder if back then that was perhaps the only way to “push the boundaries,” so to speak. Either way, it’s something I had never noticed before.

For all the praise I’m heaping on this film, it may seem odd that it is as low as it is on my list. It’s an undisputed classic, but I simply enjoy watching other films more. I can applaud a movie for its artistry and trailblazing, but this list is ultimately based on how I like films overall. It probably deserves better, but regardless, I admire Pinocchio as a milestone in animation that is quite watchable and enjoyable.

Best line: (the Blue Fairy) “Now, remember, Pinocchio: be a good boy. And always let your conscience be your guide.”

 
Artistry: 9
Characters/Actors: 9
Entertainment: 6
Visual Effects: 10
Originality: 7
Watchability: 5
Other (I just like other films more): -6
 
TOTAL: 40 out of 60
 

Next: #219 – Journey to the Center of the Earth

© 2014 S. G. Liput

119 Followers and Counting

 

City Slickers (1991)

02 Monday Jun 2014

Posted by in Movies, Poetry, Reviews, Writing

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, ,

When Ed has ideas for insane daring-do,
He gets his two pals Mitch and Phil to come too.
Mitch feels somehow trapped in his unfulfilled life,
And often complains to his kids and his wife.
They all soon are sick of his cynical view.
 
Phil also has problems; he’s scared of his spouse.
He’s hesitant, timid, and scared as a mouse.
His wife comes to learn that he had an affair,
Since frankly their marriage did not have a prayer;
He loses his job and is kicked from the house.
 
Ed has issues too with commitment and such,
But he has a plan for a surefire crutch:
A real cattle drive with real cattle to drive
To help them be cowboys, austere and alive.
Mitch goes, but he isn’t excited too much.
 
They meet other city folk, bound for the trail,
And Curly the trail boss, who’s tough as a nail.
They transport the herd, starting off with “Yaw hoos,”
To New Mexico with a chorus of moos.
They hope to revitalize life through travail.
 
When Mitch, making coffee, provokes a stampede,
He’s taken by Curly to find cows in need.
He’s scared of the cowboy but proves his own worth
By helping a cow have an impromptu birth.
He looks up to Curly, a now dying breed.
 
The cowpoke tells Mitch he must find his one thing
That makes life worthwhile and keeps it in swing.
Not long after that, Curly suddenly dies.
They must do without him, so rugged and wise.
The trip goes awry without his guiding wing.
 
At last, their friends scattered, it’s Mitch, Ed, and Phil
Who keep the cows moving with moxie and will.
They help cross a river, where Mitch nearly sinks
But saves the young calf he delivered (he thinks).
They all prove themselves by surviving the thrill.
 
They save the cows, but, after crossing the water,
They learn all the cattle are destined for slaughter.
So Mitch takes the calf and his old smile back.
Withstanding their crises, they’re all back on track,
And Mitch found his one thing: his wife, son, and daughter.
_______________________
 

City Slickers is yet another Billy Crystal classic with a winning mix of comedy and drama. The midlife crises of the three friends are all pretty realistic, even when handled comically, and their conversations, such as describing their best and worst days, provide welcome depth to their characters and motivations. Crystal’s typically clever banter again steals the show, and, though the film isn’t a laugh riot all the way through, it has periodic lines and moments of hilarity that make it very entertaining.

Billy Crystal and his When Harry Met Sally… co-star Bruno Kirby are always an amusing pair (Kirby hid his horse allergy very well), and Daniel Stern is equally well-cast as the adulterous Phil, who mourns how his life has gone down the tubes. But the one who earned the most critical praise and an Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor was Jack Palance as the gravelly-voiced Curly, who evokes leathery toughness and rustic sagacity with his impressive if too brief performance. Also, I was surprised to see that this movie was Jake Gyllenhaal’s film debut as Mitch’s 10-year-old son.

There is some unfortunate and unnecessary profanity and sexual dialogue, but City Slickers is still a rousing and enjoyable western comedy. Plus, that calf sure is adorable!

Best line: (Curly, as Mitch is reaching into a cow to help it give birth) “What’s taking so long? Do you see the head?”
(Mitch) “Ew. I only see a tail.”
(Curly) “Oh, s***. It’s turned the wrong way. Get it out.”
(Mitch) “Uh, oh. My watch came off.”
 
VC’s best line: (Mitch, to Ed) “Ed, have you noticed that the older you get, the younger your girlfriends get? Soon you’ll be dating sperm.”

 

Artistry: 7
Characters/Actors: 8
Entertainment: 9
Visual Effects: 5
Originality: 7
Watchability: 8
Other (language and sexual dialogue): -5
 
TOTAL: 39 out of 60
 

Next: #220 – Pinocchio

© 2014 S. G. Liput

117 Followers and Counting

 

Steel Magnolias (1989)

01 Sunday Jun 2014

Posted by in Movies, Poetry, Reviews, Writing

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

,

Now this is the tale of six friends from the South,
All women with strength and a very smart mouth.
M’Lynn is the mother of Shelby, a bride,
Who knows her mom worries but takes it in stride.
There’s Truvy, a stylist who’s hired Annelle,
Whose husband just left her and put her through hell.
Then lastly Clairee, quite the gossip and teaser,
Enjoys poking fun at her grouchy friend Ouiser.
 
The wedding goes well, though it causes much stress;
There’s shooting and screams, but it’s still a success.
Though Shelby’s a known diabetic, she’s glad
To soon become pregnant; her mother is mad.
The doctors told Shelby her body’s too weak,
But Shelby rebuff’s M’Lynn’s angry critique.
Supported by friends, Shelby bears a sweet boy;
Her time with her baby is truly a joy.
 
Her kidneys, however, are worse than they’ve been,
So she gets a transplant of one from M’Lynn.
Her body can’t take it, and problems arise;
She enters a coma and quietly dies.
M’Lynn, brokenhearted, is soothed by her peers,
Who prove there are more ways to cope than just tears.
Real life marches on, caring not how we feel,
But these girls are tough, like magnolias of steel.
________________
 

Steel Magnolias is, quite frankly, the ultimate chick flick, but it is based on a play that was surprisingly written by a man. Robert Harling wrote it as a tribute to his sister, who died as Shelby did, and the deep emotions he infused into the story are certainly felt. These emotions are sad, yes, but also quite humorous. The dialogue is full of marvelous wit and cleverness and sounds very much as a group of gossipy Louisiana women should. My VC enjoys the music as well, which has just the right amount of Southern wistfulness. It’s a film that can have you giggling one moment and in tears the next. A scene toward the end exemplifies this dichotomy, suggesting that a good laugh is essential when things get too serious.

This film made Julia Roberts a gorgeous star and made Daryl Hannah ugly (at least compared with, say, Splash!). Roberts is very convincing as the stubborn diabetic Shelby, while Sally Field is equally dexterous as the justifiably worried M’Lynn. Though both deserved Oscar nominations (if not wins), only Roberts received one. The role of Truvy the neighborhood beautician fits Dolly Parton to a T, and Daryl Hannah is appropriately awkward as Annelle. My favorite characters, though, have to be Olympia Dukakis as Clairee and Shirley MacLaine as Ouiser. MacLaine especially steals every scene she’s in, and between the two of them, they receive the majority of the good lines and hilarious vignettes.

I suppose the plot mainly focuses on Shelby and her choice to have a child despite the risks, but the film belongs to all the characters. Their individual stories all melding into an entertaining slice of life are what make the film so enjoyable. There’s Tom Skerritt’s sparring with Ouiser (who’s nearly as formidable as that Alien); there’s Annelle’s newfound religiosity that annoys her friends at times; there’s Clairee’s little story for Shelby’s son that is sure to instill fear of Ouiser for years to come. It’s certainly a chick flick, but these little snapshots of life make it a darn good one.

Best line (so many to choose from): (Clairee, when grumpy Ouiser comes in) “Ouiser, you sound almost chipper. What happened today – you run over a small child or something?”

VC’s best line: (Ouiser) “I’m not crazy, M’Lynn. I’ve just been in a very bad mood for forty years!”

 
Artistry: 8
Characters/Actors: 10
Entertainment: 9
Visual Effects: N/A
Originality: 7
Watchability: 9
Other (language and crude elements): -4
 
TOTAL: 39 out of 60
 

Next: #221 – City Slickers

© 2014 S. G. Liput

117 Followers and Counting

 

Fiddler on the Roof (1971)

31 Saturday May 2014

Posted by in Movies, Poetry, Reviews, Writing

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, ,

(Try reading this poem to the tune of “If I Were a Rich Man”)
 
Back in Czarist Russia,
Tevye is a Jewish milkman with three daughters yet to wed.
Though he may be struggling and poor,
Still he keeps his family fed.
Tzeitel is the eldest;
And the matchmaker has found the perfect match, or so she thinks,
Lazar Wolf, a wealthy butcher man,
Though he is quite old and stinks.
 
Tevye goes to see him;
After going back and forth on whether to approve the match,
He assents and both then celebrate,
But there is an unknown catch.
Tzeitel loves a tailor,
Which her father learns once he has spent a night out with the bottle.
Though he’s angry at this sudden change,
He says she can wed her Motel.
 
At his daughter’s marriage,
Tevye sees his second daughter Hodel dancing with a man.
Though this shocks the many wedding guests,
He joins in because he can.
But the celebration
Is disrupted by a group of soldiers, who attack the Jews.
Mostly they harm property and such,
Yet it can’t help but confuse.
 
Later Hodel tells him
She and Perchik want to marry, though he’s leaving for a time.
They seek blessing, not his permission,
And to him, this seems a crime.
Tevye thinks it over:
Things are changing and he might as well accept love will prevail;
He consents, and Perchik leaves for town,
But he soon is sent to jail.
 
Hodel wants to join him
In Siberia and sadly leaves her father and her home.
Tevye’s sad to see his daughter go,
But he bids his child Shalom.
His third daughter Chava
Asks her father to accept her own forbidden love somehow,
But this Gentile isn’t of their race,
And this Tevye won’t allow.
 
They both wed regardless.
Tevye turns his back on Chava and regards his daughter dead.
He will only bend so very far,
Though there are still tears to shed.
Then comes even worse news:
Their town constable declares that all the Jews must quickly leave.
Anatevka must be emptied soon,
And the Jewish people grieve.
 
Tevye and his family
Leave their home to seek America but do not stay aloof.
Their tradition keeps them balanced yet
Like a fiddler on a roof.
_________________
 

Fiddler on the Roof was once the longest-running Broadway musical and certainly deserves its esteemed reputation. While Zero Mostel immortalized the role of Tevye in the original Broadway production, Topol makes the role his own in this film version, having played it in the London production as well. His monologues to the audience and to God, going on and on about what’s “on the other hand,” are absolutely masterful, and the other actors imbue their characters with just the right amount of distinctive charm. Tevye himself is an outstanding character, understanding and willing to concede for the sake of his daughters, yet, though he should certainly draw the line somewhere, it’s unfortunate that his unyielding stand involves forsaking his daughter. It’s a role of a lifetime, and, not having seen Mostel’s version, I can’t envision anyone else in the role.

The film is a first-rate snapshot of an extinct way of life, a time of poor milk men, flighty matchmakers, and rigid traditions that outlaw men dancing with women. In its details, it is also an insightful view of how Scripture can be twisted to mean whatever the interpreter may want and a touching look at how difficult relationships can still be grounded in love. I’ve never understood many people’s hatred of Jews, whether in Czarist Russia or Nazi Germany or even in the present day, and the film doesn’t try to explain the sudden pogrom forced upon the peaceful villagers; it remains as mystifying to the characters as to the audience and just as heartbreaking. This, coupled with Tevye’s rejection of his third daughter, makes the second half of the film a real downer, detracting from its entertainment value.

The best part of a musical is, of course, the music, and Fiddler on the Roof has a very unique sound. Most songs are very Yiddish and Jewish-sounding without becoming repetitive, while others are typical Broadway-style tunes. The opener “Tradition” and “Matchmaker” start the film off with the right mood, and the celebratory “To Life” is a show-stopping number that was much better than I remembered. Some songs carry a special emotional punch to them, particularly “Sunrise, Sunset,” which reflects the feelings of two parents realizing how much their children have grown. While “Tevye’s Dream” leans a bit too far in a surreal direction, the best tune of them all is the aforementioned “If I Were a Rich Man,” which is made all the more memorable by Topol’s energetic performance and rich, deep voice. The film overall has some slow parts and goes on a bit too long, but it’s a grand and humorous musical that extols tradition and its role in keeping us stable in a hectic world.

Best line: (Tevye, explaining the title with the film’s first lines) “A fiddler on the roof. Sounds crazy, no? But here, in our little village of Anatevka, you might say every one of us is a fiddler on the roof trying to scratch out a pleasant, simple tune without breaking his neck. It isn’t easy. You may ask ‘Why do we stay up there if it’s so dangerous?’ Well, we stay because Anatevka is our home. And how do we keep our balance? That I can tell you in one word: tradition!”

 
Artistry: 9
Characters/Actors: 9
Entertainment: 7
Visual Effects: 3
Originality: 8
Watchability: 6
Other (slow and depressing ending): -3
 
TOTAL: 39 out of 60
 

Next: #222 – Steel Magnolias

© 2014 S. G. Liput

116 Followers and Counting

 

Remember the Titans (2000)

30 Friday May 2014

Posted by in Movies, Poetry, Reviews, Writing

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, ,

T. C. Williams High School is about to be desegregated,
All for PC reasons no one in the town is for.
When Herman Boone is named head football coach, he’s widely hated
By white men for replacing William Yoast, whom they adore.
 
Boone is black, and Yoast is white, and neither one enjoys the fuss;
Yoast could leave, but he remains to still help flinty Boone.
As the black and white team members gather for the practice bus,
They are told to sit together and to share a room.
 
Summer practice is a bear as Boone exacts a rigid pace,
Saying they must all be “perfect,” just to make the team.
Except for one, they’re distant from those of the other race,
But Boone demands they mingle, making workouts more extreme.
 
Yoast is suspect of this tactic, but it seems to do the trick.
Julius and Bertier become especially close friends.
Although they’re now a unit, eager for some butts to kick,
The town is still indignant as the summer training ends.
 
Though the Titans win some games, Boone knows he’s fired if they should lose.
Bertier is left alone by his white friends for his pal’s sake.
Yet, as the team keeps winning and the Titans make the news,
A few begin to think their enmity was a mistake.
 
While high on recent victory, Bertier endures a sudden crash
That makes him paraplegic and prevents continued play.
He watches as the Titans and their toughest rivals clash
In the final championship, in which the Titans win the day.
 
Boone and Yoast went on to coach their team for several years to come;
Bertier played in the Paralympics and won shot put gold.
Although he died in ’81, he helped his team become
A colorblind success for every high school to behold.
____________________
 

Remember the Titans is one of those inspiring football movies that everyone can root for, even though they already know the inevitably inspiring end. By mixing in the racial tension of the 1970s, the film creates a more difficult conflict to rise above than most sports films. Normally the main conflict has to do with the underdog team surmounting hardships to achieve victory in a final game. While that is certainly present, particularly in the down-to-the-minute Hollywood ending, the Titans end up winning every game they play. The real struggle is not with the opposite team but with the prevailing mindset of the day, of blacks and whites disliking and distrusting each other such that a united team seems impossible. The animosity is well-balanced between the two sides, and while the continued racism of the characters becomes increasingly frustrating as most just don’t “get” it while a chosen few do, seeing such divides fall in the wake of friendship and brotherhood can’t help but bring a smile to one’s face.

Denzel Washington gives one of his best performances as Coach Herman Boone, as does Will Patton, whom I never would have thought of as a football coach based on his subtly smooth voice in other roles (see Entrapment and No Way Out). Washington’s exchange about football being fun (or not) is a great scene that is not nearly well-known enough. I also liked Hayden Panettiere as Yoast’s football-crazed young daughter and Ethan Suplee as Louie Lastik, who seems like the only one without a shred of prejudice, and the rest of the cast fill their roles well enough, though many don’t make as much of an impression.

If you like football movies or films about overcoming prejudice, Remember the Titans is a must. I know it’s because it is a Disney film, but I applaud the fact that the filmmakers exhibited racial tension without a bunch of profanity or even using the N-word, as so many other such films do. In addition, it boasts an excellent soundtrack of ‘60s and ‘70s pop music that serves as a welcome shot of nostalgia, especially when the characters themselves start singing. In addition to the Titans’ famous theme song, I was touched at how they changed the song “Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye” into a poignant sendoff at a funeral. It may fool with some of the particulars of the true story it is based upon and oversimplify the issues at hand, but it shows that football, almost as much as love, faith, and the like, has the power to bring people together and break down barriers.

Best line: (Boone) “Think you got a future in football?” (Lastik) “Heck, no! I figured as long as I’m going to be in school, I might as well hit some people while I’m at it.”

 
Artistry: 8
Characters/Actors: 9
Entertainment: 8
Visual Effects: N/A (there was one car crash, but not much else)
Originality: 6
Watchability: 8
 
TOTAL: 39 out of 60
 

Next: #223 – Fiddler on the Roof

© 2014 S. G. Liput

116 Followers and Counting

 

Scrooged (1988)

29 Thursday May 2014

Posted by in Movies, Poetry, Reviews, Writing

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, ,

If Francis Cross, a TV boss,
Were dead, no one would mourn the loss.
He’s cruel and mean, at times obscene,
Controlling every TV screen.
At Christmas time, the selfish slime
Promotes his live Scrooge on prime time.
He quickly bags the slightest nags,
Like Eliot, who’s sunk to rags.
 
Then Frank one night is shown a fright;
His old dead boss appears in sight.
He tells Frank he indeed will be
Soon visited by spirits three.
While Frank at first believes the worst,
His fears of spirits are dispersed.
He talks with Claire, who’s quick to care
But left him long before his scare.
 
Frank still freaks out when there’s no doubt;
The Ghost of Christmas Past’s about.
He smokes and drives; soon Frank arrives
In his past, watching former lives:
His own childhood misunderstood
And how his job trumped Claire for good.
When this Ghost ends, Frank tries amends
With Claire, who cares for homeless friends.
 
Frank’s selfishness still causes stress,
And his alarm creates a mess.
The Present’s Ghost is Frank’s next host
And loves to pummel Frank the most.
His secretary, poor but merry,
Is shown by the ghostly fairy.
Frank then sees his bro at ease
And some poor man who chose to freeze.
 
The future next leaves Frank most vexed;
It’s even worse than he expects.
It scares him straight; he soon can’t wait
To do good and avert this fate.
Though Eliot had just had it
And tried to shoot Frank in a fit,
Frank gladly hires the man he fired
And has him help his plan inspired.
 
While on the air, Frank does declare
His love for Christmas and for Claire.
He steals the show and tells folks go
Outside and smell the mistletoe.
Claire comes that night, despite stage fright,
And on TV they reunite.
The joyful throng then sings a song
In one big merry sing-along.
____________________
 

Scrooged is a comedic merging of Dickens’s classic A Christmas Carol with the macabre humor of Beetlejuice, and Bill Murray as the Scroogish Frank Cross pours his talented unlikability into the role. Far more nasty than he was at the start of Groundhog Day, Murray succeeds in making the audience hate him just as much as many characters do, thus making his ghostly punishment and his turnaround at the end utterly satisfying. The film has plenty of humor, though it’s not nearly as quotable or laugh-out-loud funny as his earlier Ghostbusters, and there’s a healthy dose of weirdness thrown into the mix, such as Carol Kane’s bizarre yet strangely gratifying penchant for walloping Frank as the Ghost of Christmas Present. At least he deserved it since he was a self-proclaimed “schmuck.” (By the way, I take issue with that word since I had a teacher named Mrs. Schmuck and she was very nice.)

Karen Allen plays his winsome lost love, who is given more of a role than Scrooge’s Belle, and Bobcat Goldthwait goes hilariously nuts as Frank’s luckless ex-employee Eliot Loudermilk. Robert Mitchum, John Forsythe, and Alfre Woodard round out the main cast. Aside from these principal roles, the film has more random ‘80s cameos than a Muppet movie, tossing in Buddy Hackett, Jamie Farr, Lee Majors, Robert Goulet, John Houseman, and Mary Lou Retton just for the heck of it.

The somewhat dated Scrooged may lack the religious overtones of the original story and throws in some unfortunate language and sexual dialogue, but by the end, one cannot help but smile as Murray talks to the TV camera, thus breaking the fourth wall as he addresses the movie audience as well. The final rendition of “Put a Little Love in Your Heart” is downright classic and deserves a place in my End Credits Song Hall of Fame. As they say in the film, “Yule love it!”

Best line: (Frank, during the broadcast at the end) “It’s Christmas Eve! It’s… it’s the one night of the year when we all act a little nicer, we… we… we smile a little easier, we… w-w-we… we… we cheer a little more. For a couple of hours out of the whole year, we are the people that we always hoped we would be!”

 
Artistry: 6
Characters/Actors: 7
Entertainment: 8
Visual Effects: 6
Originality: 8
Watchability: 7
Other (language, sexual dialogue): -3
 
TOTAL: 39 out of 60
 

Next: #224 – Remember the Titans

© 2014 S. G. Liput

116 Followers and Counting

 

Forget Paris (1995)

28 Wednesday May 2014

Posted by in Movies, Poetry, Reviews, Writing

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, ,

 When Andy and Liz are about to be married,
They talk over dinner while waiting for friends.
When Andy refers to one story quite varied,
Liz bids him continue to see how it ends.
 
He talks about Mickey, a loathed referee,
Who buried his unloving father in France.
The airline misplaced him for days (though for free),
But Mickey met Ellen and sparked a romance.
 
They spent time in Paris, their love growing strong,
And Mickey was heartbroken having to leave.
He later found out she was wed all along,
But was separated with no cause to grieve.
 
She got a divorce and left Paris for Mickey.
Their traveling honeymoon was truly great,
But settling down proved a little more tricky;
The schedules of each made the other one wait.
 
Whenever one half of the pair was contented,
The other was miserable, mad, and depressed.
They tried very hard, but the more they lamented
The more each of them felt entrapped and oppressed.
 
They tried having children but could not conceive,
And with Mickey’s travels, they drifted apart.
At last Paris beckons and Ellen must leave,
And both of them feel like they have half a heart.
 
By this time, poor Liz is heartsick and in tears,
From this tale that’s been told by the friends who arrive.
For Mickey they wait, but a guy overhears
And tells them the news from a game he saw live.
 
While Mickey was doing his referee role,
A woman approached, and the couple embraced.
Indeed, it was Ellen, to make their hearts whole,
And not let their marriage and love go to waste.
 
She said “Forget Paris,” for they have moved on,
And though it be tough, they will try it once more.
Then Mickey and Ellen show up close to dawn,
And all give a toast with the ones they adore.
___________________
 

Forget Paris is a romantic comedy in the same vein as Nora Ephron’s films, but it was actually Billy Crystal, one of the stars of Ephron’s When Harry Met Sally…, who directed, produced, co-wrote, and acted in this charming depiction of the highs and lows of married life. It is replete with comic situations and hilarious lines, such as a snarky waiter who keeps comparing himself to different wines, and much of Crystal’s dialogue sounds like clips from his stand-up performances. Some may think it strange to see him romantically involved with anyone other than Meg Ryan, but Debra Winger has good chemistry with Crystal and can usually match his wit and comic timing pretty well. Though she normally takes dramatic roles, that scene with the pigeon proves how great a comedic actress she can be. This is also the film that marked the start of her six-year hiatus from movies.

The film has a laudable lesson of sacrifice for the sake of sticking with a difficult marriage, though it’s unfortunate that the main characters are miserable most of the time. It’s ultimately a film that lets the audience laugh at a situation that would normally make them cry if it were actually happening to them. No one would want to spend time with a kooky father-in-law who repeats the same thing over and over; no one wants to be left alone by a spouse who travels for months at a time; and certainly no one wants to have a pigeon glued to their head. Yet seeing other people deal with such issues makes the film extremely entertaining. On the other hand, it takes itself seriously enough to deal with the very real problems that marriages face, and Mickey and Ellen’s bickering certainly sounds like an authentic married debate.

Lest Forget Paris devolve into an overly sentimental chick flick, such as those mocked in Sleepless in Seattle (and to some extent in this film too), Crystal threw in a welcome element for the guys in the audience. As a referee, Mickey gets to interact with a number of famous basketball players and mouth off to them however he likes. The way he snaps over too many complaints is hilarious, and I’m sure Crystal had a lot of fun doing those scenes.

There are some problems with the film, such as the mandatory premarital-sex-to-show-how-in-love-they-are cliché. Foul language is present, though minimal, and there is a rather uncomfortable sequence involving a sperm donation. Despite these, Forget Paris has a unique framing structure; a number of talented stars, including Julie Kavner, Richard Masur, and Joe Montegna; and a heartwarming ending (similar to that of When Harry Met Sally…) that indicates there’s hope for every marriage so long as the couple don’t give up on love.

Best line: (Mickey) “Never say ‘famous last words’ because they could be.”  (Ellen) “You’re a disturbed person, aren’t you?”   (Mickey, apparently mimicking Jeremy Irons from Reversal of Fortune) “You have no idea.”

VC’s best line: (Ellen, about her first husband) “No, he makes me miserable.”   (Mickey) “Well, I could do that! Come on, give me a chance.”

 
Artistry: 8
Characters/Actors: 8
Entertainment: 9
Visual Effects: N/A
Originality: 8
Watchability: 9
Other (language, sexual dialogue): -3
 
TOTAL: 39 out of 60
 

Next: #225 – Scrooged

© 2014 S. G. Liput

115 Followers and Counting

 

The Legend of Zorro (2005)

27 Tuesday May 2014

Posted by in Movies, Poetry, Reviews, Writing

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

,

Alejandro De La Vega, known as Zorro to the masses,
Has defended for ten years all of the helpless lower classes,
But his faithful wife Elena wants her husband to be done
So he’ll spend time with Joaquin, their mini-Zorro of a son.
 
California will soon join the Union as its newest state,
And a bandit named McGivens wants to stop this favored fate.
Zorro stops him once but later cannot save a man in need
When McGivens tries to threaten him and plunder his land’s deed.
 
In the meantime, Alejandro is confronted with divorce,
And Elena soon is dating with no inkling of remorse.
Her beau Armand, a wealthy count, sparks Alejandro’s rage;
Joaquin is likewise angry when the couple get engaged.
 
Joaquin, while snooping round McGivens, catches on a rope,
But Zorro saves him, bringing from the scene a bar of soap.
Alejandro is abducted by the Pinkertons and jailed.
They explain that all this time the pair have had his wife blackmailed.
 
Since they knew who Zorro was, Elena bowed to all their wishes
And has since been undercover, for Armand is quite suspicious.
Alejandro gets Joaquin to break him out so he can mount
His devoted steed Tornado and go spy upon the count.
 
Pairing up with brave Elena, they hear from Armand’s own mouth
How he’ll give a new explosive to the war-preparing South.
He disposes of the Pinkertons and learns Elena’s ploy,
Catching her, as well as Zorro and their wily little boy.
 
He unmasks Don Alejandro, to his son’s surprise and shock,
And departs by train to transport his unstable bottled stock.
Zorro finishes McGivens and swashbuckles with Armand
While Joaquin prevents a crowd from blowing to the great beyond.
 
Alejandro and Elena flee before the train careens,
But Armand is not so lucky and is blown to smithereens.
As the lovers marry once again, their country now a state,
Zorro’s called to save the day and is supported by his mate.
_____________________
 

The Legend of Zorro is not as good as its predecessor, The Mask of Zorro, featuring more silly humor and a plot full of historical inaccuracies, but it delivers the swashbuckling action that makes any Zorro movie enjoyable. Many critics disliked it, and I admit it does have some less-than-ideal elements, but most of them can be countered: Zorro’s son is rather irritating and bratty in his Scrappy-Doo enthusiasm, but he clearly takes after his father, though more as he was at the beginning of the first film; Alejandro and Elena spend much of the movie bickering and drunk on his part, but to be fair, most of this was due to her being blackmailed by the Pinkertons (who weren’t even called that in 1850); and I didn’t care for McGivens’s twisted quoting of Scripture to justify his wicked acts, but more faithful Christianity is still presented by the heroes, such as Alejandro’s heartfelt prayer in the church and a cross necklace saving the life of a priest. Thus, it may be a mixed bag, but it’s a mostly entertaining one.

Antonio Banderas and Catherine Zeta-Jones are as appealing as ever, even when their characters aren’t, and I was impressed by Rufus Sewell as Count Armand since, before this, I had only seen him in the very different role of abolitionist Thomas Clarkson in Amazing Grace. Armand is intimidating, but Nick Chinlund plays a much more menacing villain in McGivens. Also, (Lost alert!) Michael Emerson, who went on to play the diabolical Ben Linus on my favorite show, appears as one of the Pinkertons wearing muttonchops.

The movie most excels at its action. It may not be as frequent as the previous films, but the fight scenes are wondrously choreographed, and the final showdown is a standout among train-related conclusions. Some of it can be downright ridiculous, like a horse jumping onto a moving train (though the horse’s reaction to what comes next is priceless), but the climactic explosion is truly spectacular. I was annoyed at several mentions of the “Confederate” states when the Confederacy had not been formed in 1850, but overall the film is not as bad as many critics made it out to be, so it really is a shame that there were no further Zorro sequels. Since Hollywood has been redoing just about every franchise lately, I’m sure they’ll get around to rebooting Zorro sooner or later, though I can’t see anyone else satisfactorily replacing the two leads.

Best line: (Joaquin, not knowing his father’s secret, after his father defeats a bunch of prison guards) “Where did you learn to do that?” (Alejandro) “Prison changes a man.”

 
Artistry: 5
Characters/Actors: 7
Entertainment: 8
Visual Effects: 8
Originality: 6
Watchability: 7
Other (violence and aforementioned issues): -2
 
TOTAL: 39 out of 60
 

Next: #226 – Forget Paris

© 2014 S. G. Liput

115 Followers and Counting

 

Rocky II (1979)

26 Monday May 2014

Posted by in Movies, Poetry, Reviews, Writing

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

, ,

Against Apollo, Rocky fought;
Did he win? He did not.
Apollo wants another shot
Since Rocky did so well.
 
But Adrian wants Rocky just
To take it easy, as discussed.
He promised, so he feels he must
Quit boxing for a spell.
 
Proposing to his wife-to-be,
He spends his money zealously.
A brand new house that’s far from free
And much more Rocky buys.
 
Commercials aren’t his cup of tea,
And work grows scarce unluckily.
He’s soon reduced to poverty
And heeds Apollo’s cries.
 
His trainer Mickey warns the fight
Could make Rock lose his own eyesight
But trains him once again, despite
Rock’s wife’s ignored objections.
 
When Adrian gives birth unplanned,
She falls into a coma, and
Her husband stays there close at hand,
Affirming his affections.
 
When she awakes, they see their son;
Although Rock’s training had begun,
He lacked the drive to get it done,
Till she tells him to win.
 
He trains with Philly’s full support
With workout styles of every sort.
He soon is ready for his sport,
For his match to begin.
 
He trades blows with Apollo Creed,
Employing his new strength and speed,
Refusing ever to concede,
Though Creed may still prevail.
 
Yet by the end, their power drains,
And both collapse from all their pains,
But Rocky rises and remains,
The newest champ to hail.
__________________
 

Coming three years after the original hit Rocky, Sylvester Stallone returned to his Oscar-nominated role in this sequel, which was even more of a success. The original Rocky is widely considered one of the greatest sports films ever, but as inspiring as it was, Rocky himself was denied the victory. He deserved another chance, and this film gave it to him in outstanding style.

Stallone himself directed this one, as well as Rocky III and IV, and he had the formula down from the start. We all know the basics: Rocky Balboa must fight his way up to a climactic fight to take down an intimidating foe. Yet the magic of Stallone’s performance is in the details, such as Rocky’s clumsy but endearing manner of speaking and proposing marriage, his desire to provide for his family, his faithful vigil at his sick wife’s bedside, and his request for a pre-fight blessing from his parish priest. Carl Weathers as Apollo Creed remains a formidable foe for Rocky, and his motivations for a rematch are sympathetic, even as he goads and insults Rocky into fighting again. Burgess Meredith and Talia Shire also excel as Mickey and Adrian, though I wish the latter looked a little less awkward and uncomfortable in her interactions with Rocky.

The training sequence, again set to the iconic Rocky theme, is as utterly entertaining as all of them, and its final scene, with Rocky climbing the art museum’s steps along with half of Philadelphia, is probably the best of them all. Rocky II is as predictable as all the Rocky films, but it continues the story of its immortal characters with just the right amount of drama, without resorting to killing off characters like the next two sequels did. It’s a crowd-pleasing knockout of a film sure to leave every viewer smiling by the end.

Best line: (a reporter, after the initial fight) “Rocky, do you think you have brain damage?” (Rocky) “I don’t see any.”

 
Artistry: 8
Characters/Actors: 9
Entertainment: 8
Visual Effects: N/A
Originality: 6
Watchability: 8
 
TOTAL: 39 out of 60
 

Next: #227 – The Legend of Zorro

© 2014 S. G. Liput

115 Followers and Counting