Category Archives: Poetry

Jumpin’ Jack Flash (1986)

28 Monday Apr 2014

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Miss Terry Doolittle works for a bank,
Where her conversations are casually frank.
A friendly, disheveled, productive commuter,
She spends her days typing into a computer.
Then one day, her life takes a turn unforeseen
When “Jumpin’ Jack Flash” says hello on her screen.
 
At first, she assumes it’s a practical joke,
Some wisecracking trickster who wants to provoke,
But soon she discovers this analog stranger
Is some British spy trapped in Europe in danger!
He gives her instructions which don’t make much sense
And only cause threats on her life to commence.
 
The contacts he gives her just end up deceased
Or don’t seem to care for poor Jack in the least,
And every attempt to find Jack a way out
One Jeremy Talbot is eager to rout.
With help from the wife of another lost spy,
She learns that the KGB is the bad guy.
 
She grows close to Jack in their shared conversation;
A date with this spy is her one expectation.
When she has success in releasing her chap,
She’s captured by foes and is told it’s a trap.
With desperate shenanigans, she gets away
And tries to warn Jack of sly Talbot’s foul play.
 
She narrowly makes it with aid from a spy,
Who helps bring Jack home and, you know, not die.
Though Terry’s expecting their subsequent date,
Jack doesn’t show up, leaving Terry to wait,
But, at Terry’s office, Jack finally shows,
Fulfilling his promise, and off the pair goes.
___________________
 

Jumpin’ Jack Flash was only Whoopi Goldberg’s third film, and, immediately following her star turn in The Color Purple, it was a return to her comedic roots. Other actors lend their talents as well, from respected thespians to popular comedians, including Stephen Collins, John Wood (WarGames), Jim Belushi, Carol Kane, Phil Hartman, Jon Lovitz, and Jonathan Pryce as Jack, who is only heard throughout most of the film. The computer element of the plot may date it, like Cloak and Dagger or Tron, but Terry’s typed conversations with Jack are well-edited, as if they’re talking to each other over the phone.

The script and direction supposedly went through a lot of issues before the film was completed, but the final result is a comedic gem, despite receiving several negative reviews upon its release. Whoopi Goldberg is just plain cute as Terry Doolittle, and her reactions, whether to good-natured workplace banter or to threats against her life, are hilarious. As typical of spy films, there are the usual creepy or threatening scenes but nothing really violent, and the comedic touches throughout strike just the right balance between tension and humor, leaning more toward the latter. My VC and I love the part where Terry tries to decipher the lyrics to the Rolling Stones’ song “Jumpin’ Jack Flash,” and the phone booth scene and Terry’s subsequent drugged rant is hilarious, one of those great laugh-a-minute sequences.

Unfortunately, as with Trading Places, Jumpin’ Jack Flash is heavy on the language with Whoopi Goldberg especially having a foul mouth, which various characters comment on. Considering that the violence is minimal, it’s a shame that this alone warranted an R rating. As with other movies on my list, catch a cut version on TV some time. You’ll be glad you did.

Best line: (a drugged Terry, when stopped by a spa security guard named Earl) “You see this face, Earl. This is the face of a woman on the edge.”
(Earl) “I know, my wife’s got the same face.”
(Terry) “Now, you gotta decide, Earl. Do you wanna work here, or do you wanna live?”
(Earl, intimidated) “I quit. I quit.”

 

Artistry: 6
Characters/Actors: 8
Entertainment: 9
Visual Effects: 7
Originality: 8
Watchability: 8
Other (language): -10
 
TOTAL: 36 out of 60
 

Next: #252 – Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey

© 2014 S. G. Liput

87 Followers and Counting

 

Gettysburg (1993)

27 Sunday Apr 2014

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Gettysburg! The town where North and South did chance to meet,
The peaceful hills and meadows that became a battlefield.
Both Yankee blues and rebel grays would not accept retreat
Until the farms of war had offered up their bloody yield.
Although Lee’s troops fought bravely, he was forced to face defeat;
With Pickett’s devastating charge, the battle’s fate was sealed.
 
Heroism shone amid the guns and cannon fire;
Of note was Colonel Chamberlain on Little Round Top’s heights.
They fought with different reasons but the same innate desire,
To end this brothers’ battle, fought for freedom or for rights.
 
May this inspire.
_________________________
 

Gettysburg is long, and I mean looooooong (thus I went with a short poem, a curtal sonnet). At 4 hours and 14 minutes, it is one of Hollywood’s longest movies, originally conceived as a miniseries but bumped up to feature film status by studio backer Ted Turner (who has a cameo in the finished film). History lovers like me will enjoy this meticulously crafted Civil War epic based on Michael Shaara’s historical novel The Killer Angels. There are so many characters and so much time spent detailing Lee’s strategy that it’s not what I would call a casual watch. I love tales of the Civil War, but even I can only watch it occasionally, considering the time investment necessary to view it in its entirety.

The film is almost too ambitious in trying to present such a well-rounded depiction of the famous battle. The first 40 minutes or so before the first battle scene could have been edited down significantly, and some scenes of the explosions and such go on too long. Two sequences, though, stick out as truly awesome in both scale and excitement: Chamberlain’s stand on the wooded slopes of Little Round Top midway through and Pickett’s disastrous charge near the end. Both have that real cast-of-thousands aspect from the old Cecil B. DeMille epics, which have been replaced in modern films with CGI.

While all the actors do a fine job, from Tom Berenger as Lieutenant General James Longstreet to Martin Sheen as Confederate General Robert E. Lee, again two performances emerge as the best. Richard Jordan (in his last film role) is excellent as Confederate “Lo” Armistead, who regrets having to fight an old friend on the opposite side, and Jeff Daniels gives an Oscar-worthy portrayal of Union Colonel Joshua Chamberlain of the 20th Maine regiment. Their stories are the most interesting, and both give stirring pro-American speeches that make Gettysburg perfect for July 4 viewing (plus the battle was fought from July 1-3, 1863).

One thing I much appreciate is that, despite the 53,000 lives that were lost at the battle of Gettysburg, the film manages to be almost entirely bloodless. Some think war films ought to be more realistic in their portrayal of violence, but this film captures the right balance between being fittingly intense without getting gruesome.

If you are easily bored by long films or have little interest in history, Gettysburg probably isn’t the right film for you, but every now and then I feel it’s important that we remind ourselves of the hardships and horrors of war that went into securing freedom for all and keeping this country together.

Best line: (Brigadier General James Kemper to Pickett) “I gotta hand it to you, George. You certainly do have a talent for trivializin’ the momentous and complicatin’ the obvious. You ever considered runnin’ for Congress?”

 
Artistry: 8
Characters/Actors: 8
Entertainment: 5
Visual Effects: 9
Originality: 7
Watchability: 2
Other (length): -3
 
TOTAL: 36 out of 60
 

Next: #253 – Jumpin’ Jack Flash

© 2014 S. G. Liput

83 Followers and Counting

 

Silverado (1985)

26 Saturday Apr 2014

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When three would-be killers close in on a derelict shack,
One Emmett succeeds in shooting them down in a flash.
He later meets Paden, who’s also endured an attack
But didn’t fare well, having lost both his hat and his cash.
 
The two journey on to a town where the cocky young Jake,
Emmett’s brother, is locked up for murder, awaiting the noose.
When Paden joins him behind bars for his stolen hat’s sake,
He helps the self-confident rogue and himself to break loose.
 
They flee the town’s sheriff with help from a black man named Mal,
And aid a poor wagon train, also the victims of theft.
They ride to the town Silverado, a dusty locale,
Controlled by the rancher McKendrick, with few good men left.
 
The sheriff in town is an old friend of Paden’s named Cobb,
Who brings him to Stella, the small owner of the saloon.
Cobb shoots down a manager, then awards Paden his job,
But Cobb is corrupt and works for the ranching tycoon.
 
Mal’s father is punished for spurning McKendrick’s land grab;
His prostitute sister is likewise in danger in town.
McKendrick hates Emmett, whose presence removes an old scab,
And orders his various henchmen to bring Emmett down.
 
McKendrick’s men take Emmett’s nephew and ride off on horses,
And Cobb lets it happen, an act Paden cannot condone.
So Emmett and Mal, with both Paden and Jake, combine forces
To stop this corruption and pick each particular bone.
 
Jake shoots down his rival, and Mal saves both Stella and sis,
While Emmett surprises McKendrick and brings the man low.
At last, Paden faces down Cobb and is too good to miss,
Defeating the foe and enacting a new status quo.
 
For Emmett and Jake, California is beckoning still,
And Mal will rebuild his old farmstead McKendrick brought down,
But now Silverado’s in need of a leader with skill,
And Paden steps up as the trustworthy sheriff in town.
_____________________
 

I’ve already stated that I’m not a big fan of Westerns since so many share the same themes and character motivations. Revenge, outlaws, rogues with hearts of gold, and standing up for the defenseless are just a few of the western clichés that Silverado employs, but it puts them all together so entertainingly that I don’t mind as much. As Roger Ebert put it, “This is a story, you will agree, that has been told before. What distinguishes [director and writer Lawrence] Kasdan’s telling of it is the style and energy he brings to the project.” Considering Kasdan’s previous film was the well-cast The Big Chill (one of my VC’s favorite movies, not mine), I’d say he also has a knack for assembling impressive ensembles with good characterization as well.

Unlike so many other stock westerns with only one or two memorable characters, if that, Silverado has an excellent cast, including Kevin Kline, Jeff Goldblum (who were both in The Big Chill as well), Scott Glenn, a young Kevin Costner, Danny Glover, Brian Dennehy, Linda Hunt, John Cleese, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera! There’s also (Lost alert) the wild-eyed Jeff Fahey, who portrayed Frank Lapidus on my favorite show. While not every character is entirely developed, whether sympathetically or otherwise, every actor fills their role well enough to definitely be memorable.

Even though the film’s convoluted plot is full of the aforementioned clichés, it has some highly entertaining parts, like the canyon scene and the stampede rescue sequence. That being said, the final showdown between Cobb and Paden felt unoriginal and rather anti-climactic following a couple more inventive death scenes. All in all, Silverado is a fun, well-written, and fairly clean modern western that sadly didn’t quite revive the genre as much as some had expected. There’s a fine line between a cliché and a reinvention, and Silverado walks it pretty well.

Best line: (Cobb) “We’re gonna give you a fair trial, followed by a first class hanging.”

 
Artistry: 6
Characters/Actors: 9
Entertainment: 8
Visual Effects: 7
Originality: 4
Watchability: 6
Other (brief language and anti-climax): -4
 
TOTAL: 36 out of 60
 

Next: #254 – Gettysburg

© 2014 S. G. Liput

82 Followers and Counting

 

Treasure Planet (2002)

25 Friday Apr 2014

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Jim Hawkins grew up with the stars in his head
And the dread pirate Flint sailing all round his bed.
He’d dream of the treasure, while he was a kid,
Which this space pirate took to a planet and hid.
But twelve years have left, as his father did too,
And Jim’s a delinquent with little to do.
 
But that will soon change; Jim’s adventures begin
When Billy Bones enters the old Benbow Inn.
He gives Jim an orb before joining the morgue
And warns him about an impending cyborg.
The inn is attacked then and burned to the ground,
But Jim and his mom flee with what they have found.
 
Jim opens the sphere with a twist and a tap
And finds that it’s Captain Flint’s lost treasure map.
Their friend Dr. Doppler is wholly entranced,
Agreeing a voyage be quickly financed.
They’re off to the spaceport, as hastily planned,
With Captain Amelia, a cat, in command.
 
Jim then meets John Silver, the garrulous cook,
Who has more prosthetics than ol’ Captain Hook.
He’s wary at first of this cyborg-y one,
But soon they are bonding like father and son.
A close supernova makes their escape narrow
But swallows the trusty first mate, Mr. Arrow.
 
While Hawkins is hidden, he hears Silver talk
With the crew of a mutiny, which causes him shock.
As Jim tells the captain and Doppler of this,
The mutiny begins because something’s amiss.
The three journey down to the planet they’ve found,
Escaping the pirates by ramming the ground.
 
While searching for shelter, Jim meets up with B.E.N.,
A robotic castaway who shares his den.
With B.E.N.’s manic help, Jim goes back to the ship
To get back the map which he lost his first trip.
Back down on the planet, they all end up caught,
But Jim wields the map because Silver cannot.
 
The sphere leads the band to a portal of sorts,
That must have been used by Flint and his cohorts.
The right portal leads to the planet’s own core,
Where treasures abound, as recorded in lore.
They have a brief moment to revel in gold
Before a sly booby trap starts to take hold.
 
The planet begins to break up and explode,
And Silver saves Jim at the cost of his lode.
The heroes attempt to escape from the blast
But see they won’t make it when they lose the mast.
So Jim turns them round to the portal they saw
And sailing right through it, they barely withdraw.
 
It takes them back home just before certain death
And gives them a moment to re-catch their breath.
While Silver shoves off and Jim lets him retreat,
The cyborg is proud of “Jimbo’s” awesome feat.
Now that he’s done something to earn admiration,
Jim has a bright future in space navigation.
_____________________
 

Treasure Planet should have been a hit, but, despite fairly good reviews from critics, it never gained much of an audience and sadly joined a string of Disney flops that led to the canning of their traditional animation department. I don’t understand the chilly reception since the film has much going for it. It’s a futuristic telling of Robert Louis Stevenson’s Treasure Island, with spectacular cutting-edge visuals that combined hand-drawn and CGI animation, funny and likable characters, and some truly touching scenes. It’s also Disney’s most exciting animated movie, in my opinion, and was nominated for an Oscar (unfortunately losing to Spirited Away).

The voice actors suit their characters perfectly. The roles of Captain Amelia and Dr. Doppler were written with Emma Thompson and David Hyde Pierce in mind, but Brian Murray as Silver and an up-and-coming Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Jim Hawkins fill their roles equally well. Martin Short is at his most frenetic as B.E.N., the castaway who has literally lost his mind, at times making Robin Williams look like a Type B personality. The script ranges from tear jerking to hilarious, and I love a few well-timed references to Star Trek and Jaws.

With all this going for it, why then did the movie bomb? I can’t say. Roger Ebert claimed it was too “gimmicky” to futurize the classic adventure novel, but I don’t think this gimmick is any worse than, say, The Great Mouse Detective, in which Disneyreimagined a Sherlock Holmes mystery with rodents. Then again, John Musker and Ron Clements did direct both films. Hmm.

It’s true that the concept may not be as original as it at first seems. Don Bluth’s even less-successful Titan A.E. was released just two years earlier and featured a heavy mix of traditional animation and CGI and a science fiction plot involving a fatherless young rogue following a map through the stars. In addition, there was even an Italian miniseries in the 1980s entitled Treasure Island in Outer Space or Treasure Planet. I don’t know if anything in Disney’s film was drawn from that, but it’s interesting to note.

As much as I’ve defended Treasure Planet, I must admit that, compared with most of Disney’s films, it just doesn’t stick out like others do. I may just like other movies better, but Treasure Planet is nonetheless a wondrous retelling of a classic story that anyone can enjoy.

Best line: (Captain Amelia to Dr. Doppler) “Doctor, to muse and blabber about a treasure map in front of this particular crew demonstrates a level of ineptitude that borders on the imbecilic! And I mean that in a very caring way.”

 
Artistry: 6
Characters/Actors: 7
Entertainment: 9
Visual Effects: 10
Originality: 5
Watchability: 8
Other (I just like other films more): -9
 
TOTAL: 36 out of 60
 

Next: #255 – Silverado

© 2014 S. G. Liput

81 Followers and Counting

 

Trading Places (1983)

24 Thursday Apr 2014

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A spoiled fat cat and commodities broker
By name, Louis Winthorpe III,
Is living the high life that everyone wants;
He’s pampered, contented, chauffeured.
 
Meanwhile, an indigent con on the street
Named Billy Ray Valentine lies,
Pretending that he is a crippled war vet,
A less-than-convincing disguise.
 
We see Winthorpe’s bosses, the two brothers Duke,
Debating what fashions a man,
A decent environment or just good breeding,
And so they develop a plan.
 
They take Mr. Valentine off of the streets,
Providing a house, job, and slave,
Then put Louis Winthorpe in Valentine’s place,
To see how the pair will behave.
 
While Valentine grows into Winthorpe’s old job
And earns model citizen status,
His counterpart soon is bereft on the streets,
Realizing that nothing is gratis.
 
Poor Winthorpe is framed as a dealer of drugs
And scorned by his own fiancée,
And only a hooker he met has the heart
To furnish a place he can stay.
 
While Winthorpe depends on Ophelia’s good graces,
He plans to avenge his old life.
He tries to get even with Valentine, proving
That man can be molded by strife.
 
One Duke brother pays up a paltry amount,
Having ruined the star of the corp.,
But Valentine hears them discussing their plan
And tracks suicidal Winthorpe.
 
Together they plan to take Duke & Duke down;
A crop report’s all that they’ll need.
If they get a fake one, the Dukes will be crushed
By the stock market and their own greed.
 
They jump through some hoops to obtain the report
And to give the Duke’s false information.
Then, armed with the truth, the two once-guinea pigs
Grow wealthy on stock domination.
 
The Dukes are soon three-hundred mil in the hole
And losing their power and health,
But Winthorpe and Valentine, with their good friends,
Are basking in pleasure and wealth.
_____________________
 

Trading Places is one of those movies on my list that, like Panic Room and Good Will Hunting before it, I do not advise anyone to see uncut. Until this time, I had always seen it cut on TV, and it is much more enjoyable without the myriad F-words and scenes of nudity. The plot itself has drawn comparisons to The Prince and the Pauper, but, unlike Mark Twain’s classic story, the switch is not voluntary but forced. Also, considering that Dan Aykroyd plays Winthorpe and Eddie Murphy plays Valentine, they look nothing alike.

There is so much to love about this movie. The opening is memorable as people around Philadelphia get ready for the day to Mozart’s glorious overture to the Marriage of Figaro (which, as a story about young people scheming against a schemer, is also a potential inspiration for the film). The fish-out-of-water scenes involving Murphy and Aykroyd are well-acted, and the New Year’s Eve train scene, in which they try to swindle the stolen crop report, is alone worth seeing the whole movie. “Beef jerky time!”

Aside from the obvious language issue, one thing that bothers me is that I spent much of the movie feeling sorry for people. While Valentine got the best deal of anyone, Winthorpe just kept sinking lower and lower until he hit rock bottom. He may have been a self-absorbed priss at the beginning, but I don’t think he deserved that much abuse. I even felt sorry for the Dukes’ thug Clarence Beeks, played by Paul Gleason (better known as the principal in The Breakfast Club). If you’ve seen Trading Places, you’ll know why. All that being said, I felt no sympathy whatsoever for the coldhearted Duke brothers, played perfectly by Ralph Bellamy and Don Ameche. I suppose I should also mention the decent performances of Jamie Lee Curtis as Ophelia and Denholm Elliott (aka Marcus Brody of Indiana Jones fame) as the butler Coleman, who got off a bit too easily for his part in the Dukes’ scheme.

All in all, Trading Places is an outstanding comedy that could easily have been made without warranting its R rating. With great actors and a socially perceptive script that also tries to actually explain the stock market to its audience (with limited success, in my case), it certainly deserves a place on my list.

Best line (aside from the one referenced above): (Valentine, after breaking something heavily insured) “You want me to break something else?” (everyone else) “NO!”

VC’s best line: (the deep-voiced Big Black Guy) “Yeah!”

 
Artistry: 7
Characters/Actors: 9
Entertainment: 8
Visual Effects: N/A
Originality: 8
Watchability: 8
Other (language, nudity): -4
 
TOTAL: 36 out of 60
 

Next: #256 – Treasure Planet

© 2014 S. G. Liput

79 Followers and Counting

 

The Great Mouse Detective (1986)

23 Wednesday Apr 2014

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The toymaker Flaversham makes the best toys
Of any mouse London has seen,
Which catches the eye of a villain who sends
A bat to abduct the old bean.
His daughter Olivia’s now all alone,
So a helpful gent must intervene.
 
This gent is, of course, Dr. David Q. Dawson,
Who won’t let her stay all alone.
He guides her to Baker Street, where they meet with
A detective named Basil, who’s known
For solving great crimes. He’s uncaring at first,
Having problems and such of his own.
 
But when he hears tell of the bat that’s involved,
This Basil of Baker Street knows
His nemesis Ratigan must be behind it,
A plan that he now must expose,
For Ratigan’s famous for being depraved,
The foulest, most wicked of foes.
 
This time he is forcing the toy man to build
A robotic clone of the queen,
Replacing the real one with his lookalike
To be the top mouse on the scene.
His cat will eat Flaversham and his young daughter
If he doesn’t build the machine.
 
So Basil and Dawson (Olivia too)
Ride off on one Toby, a hound,
In search of ol’ Ratigan’s peg-legged bat,
Who’s stealing and snooping around.
The bat grabs the girl and then gets away clean,
But soon an important clue’s found.
 
The pair of detectives drop in at a pub
In their search for the villainous chap,
And, after poor Dawson has much too much fun,
They follow the bat through a gap,
But Basil is soon made to feel like a fool
When he walks into Ratigan’s trap.
 
The bad guy conspires to do his foe in
With a mousetrap, an axe, and the like,
But can’t stay to watch since he’ll be much too busy
Directing his villainous strike.
Yet Basil snaps out of his self-induced shame
To save them all, even the tyke.
 
They rush to the palace, where Ratigan’s plan
So far has been going as planned,
But after our heroes recover the queen,
His brilliant scheme gets out of hand.
Then Ratigan flees, having lost his one chance
To be the great mouse of the land.
 
A chase through the city in two big balloons
Ends up with a terrible crash.
High up in Big Ben, dodging clockwork and gears,
Both Basil and Ratigan clash.
Though Ratigan hates to be branded a rat,
He turns into one in a flash.
 
The face of the clock sees their final showdown,
And both plummet from a great height,
But Basil’s inventiveness saves him again,
And everyone’s gladly all right.
Together, the Flavershams take their leave, but
Dawson’s now Basil’s new partner, quite.
_________________
 

The Great Mouse Detective, based on Eve Titus’s Basil of Baker Street book series, was a ray of hope for Disney’s animation department when it was released to good reviews in 1986. After Disney’s dark ages of the 1970s and ‘80s, with such good but unimpressive fare as Robin Hood, The Rescuers, and The Black Cauldron, this film proved there was still interest in well-made animated movies. Oliver and Company came next, but The Great Mouse Detective paved the way for 1989’s The Little Mermaid and the whole of the Disney Renaissance.

The movie is an enjoyable little Sherlock Holmes parody, translating the characters into mice and rats. While the film has few big names in it, Vincent Price steals every scene as the treacherous Ratigan, and the celebrated actor sounds like he had a lot of fun recording his lines. The other characters are appropriately likable (Basil, Dawson) or cute (Olivia), though not quite as memorable as later Disney efforts. The filmmakers even used some recorded dialogue from one of the original Sherlock Holmes, Basil Rathbone.

The Great Mouse Detective is obviously aimed at children but does feature some aspects unusual to most popular animation, such as smoking, drunkenness, a burlesque-style musical number, and a scene in which a mouse is eaten whole, which made my mother uncomfortable the first time I saw it as a child. It’s nonetheless a fine kid-friendly mystery and even has some fairly exciting scenes. Though the climax was clearly inspired by the end of Miyazaki’s The Castle of Cagliostro, in this film it’s less cartoony, and the gears (made using early CGI) are more evocative of size and danger for the characters.

The Great Mouse Detective is one of those films I always enjoyed while growing up, and, though it may not have the same magic as it once did, it’s still a short but entertaining jaunt through Mousedom.

Best line: (Basil) “There’s always a chance, Doctor, as long as one can think.”

 
Artistry: 5
Characters/Actors: 6
Entertainment: 7
Visual Effects: 6
Originality: 5
Watchability: 7
 
TOTAL: 36 out of 60
 

Next: #257 – Trading Places

© 2014 S. G. Liput

79 Followers and Counting

 

Spy Kids (2001)

22 Tuesday Apr 2014

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Young Carmen and Juni Cortez do not know
That their parents are settled-down spies.
While Juni is friendless, his sister skips school,
And both tell their parents some lies.
 
When spies from the OSS start to go missing,
Both Ingrid and Greg are called in.
Reluctantly, they leave their children behind
With Felix, their uncle and kin.
 
The parents are soon apprehended by Floop,
The host of a weird children’s show.
This Floop has turned agents he’s caught into freaks
And proves a formidable foe.
 
He sends out an army of thumb-composed thugs
To seek out the rumored Third Brain,
Which he needs for the army of mechanized kids
He’s built so that evil can reign.
 
While Carmen and Juni are minding their business,
Their house is attacked by Thumb-Thumbs.
So their Uncle Felix, who isn’t their uncle,
Fights off the robots but succumbs.
 
The children escape to a safe house for spies,
And try to absorb what they’ve learned,
But soon their un-safe house is changed to a trap
By a spy girl that must have been turned.
 
They flee with the Brain to a city nearby
And argue of what they should do.
But soon the Brain’s taken by their doppelgangers
Who fly away into the blue.
 
The children seek out their real uncle Machete
Who builds lots of gadgets for spies.
He hates his own brother but shows them a plane
That is both fast and just the right size.
 
They fly to Floop’s castle, where Floop has been having
Some quite bothersome second thoughts.
His minion named Minion then locks Floop away
And begins to start calling the shots.
 
Both Carmen and Juni free Ingrid and Greg,
And Juni brings Floop to their side.
They fight off the Spy Kids till Floop can reprogram
The robots with fun as their guide.
 
At last, the Cortezes are honest and true,
And even Machete forgives.
A family of spies is a dangerous thing,
As long as togetherness lives.
_______________
 

Spy Kids was a hit when it first came out in 2001 with a 93% on Rotten Tomatoes, and, though the series devolved into the terrible Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over, it started off with an entertaining bang. The action is often exaggerated to the point of being campy, and Carmen and Juni’s realistic bickering gets old after a while, but the film is a wonderful endorsement of being honest as a family, much like the admittedly better The Incredibles a few years later.

Alexa Vega and Daryl Sabara, who have definitely grown since their roles here, are very convincing as two quarreling siblings who learn their parents are superspies. Antonio Banderas and Carla Gugino are also wonderful, if rather ineffective for the most part, as said parents, and I must say both look strikingly attractive. Other roles are filled by Alan Cumming as Floop, Robert Patrick (the T-1000 in Terminator 2) as Mr. Lisp, and Tony Shalhoub (who was just in yesterday’s Galaxy Quest) as Mr. Minion. Plus, there’s a great cameo and sight gag at the very end. Danny Trejo also appears as Machete Cortez, originating the role he would reprise in Robert Rodriguez’s Planet Terror, Machete, and Machete Kills, all films that are decidedly not kid-friendly.

Floop is sadly a weakness, in my view. While he as a character is fine, his bizarre TV show and mutated extras are things I would expect to see from Tim Burton (not one of my favorite directors), and the fitting score from Danny Elfman strengthens that comparison. My VC and I just don’t care for overly weird films, and a few scenes push into that territory. Also, while the special effects are good, in several parts, like the jet pack scene, it is obvious that the actors are in front of a green screen.

Still, Spy Kids is a Latin-flavored family film that has humor, action, cool gadgets, and all-around fun. Whether you see it with kids of your own or not, it’s an adventure worth taking.

Best line: (a boy in the park, after seeing the robot kids take off with rockets in their feet) “¡Yo quiero los zapatos como esos!” (translated: “I want shoes like that!”)

VC’s best line: (Carmen, at the very end) “Spy work, that’s easy. Keeping a family together, that’s difficult. And that’s the mission worth fighting for.”

 
Artistry: 4
Characters/Actors: 7
Entertainment: 7
Visual Effects: 6
Originality: 7
Watchability: 7
Other (some weirdness): -2
 
TOTAL: 36 out of 60
 

Next: #258 – The Great Mouse Detective

© 2014 S. G. Liput

77 Followers and Counting

 

#260: Galaxy Quest (1999)

21 Monday Apr 2014

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When Galaxy Quest aired eighteen years ago,
A number of fans became hooked on the show.
The fandom began to progressively grow
Till it now has conventions galore.
Although this old sci-fi’s been long off the air,
Surprisingly people still watch it and care.
The actors, however, are filled with despair
That they’ve no other prospects in store.
 
The cool Jason Nesmith was known as Commander;
His Spock-like advisor was Dane, Alexander;
The hot Gwen DeMarco’s role couldn’t be blander;
The chief engineer was Fred Kwan;
The pilot was young Tommy Webber, who’s grown;
There’s also a redshirt named Guy, who’s unknown
But won’t leave the more famous main cast alone.
Their friendship is pretty much gone.
 
They show up wherever they might be employed.
Jason loves the spotlight, which he doesn’t avoid
Till the others, especially Dane, are annoyed.
But Galaxy Quest is their life.
One day, Jason’s met by the Thermian race,
Who look kinda normal but live up in space.
They say they have need of this space-faring ace
To somehow protect them from strife.
 
Not knowing these Thermians really are real,
He treats their foe Sarris as not a big deal.
His trip back to Earth through the stars makes him feel
That maybe they did speak the truth.
In shock, Jason tells all his “friends” of his task
And takes them all back when the Thermians ask.
They blanch when they see their hosts lacking a mask
And their ruthless foe lacking a ruth.
 
The Thermians picked up the show’s syndication
And thought it historical documentation.
It helped to inspire their civilization
And made them rebuild what they could.
Believing the actors are those on the show,
The Thermians’ knowledge of fiction is slow.
So Jason and friends cannot really say no
And do as their characters would.
 
Their encounter with Sarris goes badly, I fear,
And leaves their ship crippled, but one planet’s near
And might have a brand new beryllium sphere
To power their ship once again.
While Guy is in terror that somehow he’ll die,
They go down and bring back a sphere, or they try.
Though aliens threaten them all, they get by
Till they’re boarded by Sarris’s men.
 
Once Sarris has Jason admit that they lied,
He orders that they get some space – but outside!
They free themselves, yelling about Jason’s pride,
And save all their Thermian pals.
The credit is Jason’s, while Dane has a dearth,
But Jason gets help from some nerds back on Earth,
Who prove that their watching the show does have worth,
Improving their flagging morales.
 
As each actor starts to grow into their role,
The starship Protector’s back in their control.
They blast the foe’s ship and fly through a black hole
On their journey back home, having won.
But Sarris survived (well, that’s quite unforeseen)
And shoots everyone except Guy that’s on-screen.
So Jason turns on the Omega 13,
Which lets him undo what’s been done.
 
They fly down to Earth (with fans’ help, did I mention?),
And draw some applause and excited attention
By crashing a Galaxy Quest fan convention,
And Jason starts sharing the praise.
The show soon reboots, and there’s even a place
For a Thermian Fred fell in love with in space,
And Guy too, who has a last name just in case.
They’re now out of sci-fi clichés.
______________________
 

Many Star Trek fans were wary of Galaxy Quest when it was first released since it seemed like a potential excuse to mock Trekkies left and right. Yet the film manages to miraculously pay homage to the show that so many love (my family and me included), while also poking fun at its themes and fandom and earned praise from several Star Trek actors. Yes, it shows “Questerians” as often chubby geeks who obsess about the show and don’t get out much, but their love of the show isn’t just a cheap joke but an integral part of the plot by the end. The fans save the day, and anyone who is part of a fandom can appreciate that ingenious idea.

The actors are obvious parodies of the cast members of the original Star Trek series. Tim Allen has Shatner’s cocky bravado down pat, and Alan Rickman is a clear counterpart to Nimoy’s Mr. Spock, bemoaning the way he’s been typecast with that undying line “By Grabthar’s hammer, you shall be avenged!” Not as easily reused as “Live long and prosper,” but it’s not bad. Sigourney Weaver as Gwen DeMarco as Tawny Madison is more Janice Rand than Lieutenant Uhura, and Daryl Mitchell is akin to Next Gen’s Wesley Crusher, the stereotypical whiz kid aboard. The funniest of the group are Tony Shalhoub as Fred Kwan, who seems strangely distant, perhaps stoned, as all this weirdness washes over him, and Sam Rockwell as Guy, who constantly worries he’s the expendable redshirt. Each actor so embodies their character embodying their role on Galaxy Quest that I would have liked to see an actual spinoff, perhaps tying into the Star Trek universe. All Trekkers know there are countless different universes out there, after all.

The special effects are actually pretty impressive, the villain Sarris is extremely – uh – villainous, and the Thermians are hilarious, especially Enrico Colantoni as Mathesar, whose erratic laughter ranges from gasps to gagging noises. It even ekes out some moments of pathos, such as Jason’s confession to Mathesar and Dane’s finally getting over his self-inflicted ignominy for the sake of a fallen comrade. Except for an early profanity, the film is also pretty kid-friendly, though in one scene it looks like Sigourney Weaver said the F-bomb, which was dubbed over with a milder word. There are also a few mildly violent and gross parts that may warrant caution for young viewers, but overall Galaxy Quest is a great sci-fi parody that may not be as laugh-out-loud funny as, say, Spaceballs, but it’s a must for both Star Trek fans and anyone who’s ever known someone who’s thought of watching Star Trek.

Best line: (Gwen, after seeing some cannibalistic aliens and thinking that Guy is the only disposable one) “Let’s get out of here before one of those things kills Guy.”

VC’s best line: (convention announcer, introducing Rickman’s Alexander Dane) “Give him a hand; he’s British.”

 
Artistry: 4
Characters/Actors: 7
Entertainment: 8
Visual Effects: 7
Originality: 8
Watchability: 7
Other (brief language and violence): -5
 
TOTAL: 36 out of 60
 

Next: #259 – Spy Kids

© 2014 S. G. Liput

76 Followers and Counting

 

Joseph: King of Dreams (2000)

20 Sunday Apr 2014

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In Canaan, Jacob’s simply thrilled
To have his prayers at last fulfilled.
For barren Rachel’s borne a son,
A miracle to everyone.
 
As Joseph grows and sings in key,
He’s Jacob’s favorite, plain to see.
His ten half-brothers grow quite tired
Of the way he is admired.
 
He wears a coat of many hues
And flaunts his standing, in their views.
They’re also irked that it now seems
Their brother has prophetic dreams.
 
At last, they say they’ve had enough
And make a move that’s not a bluff.
They trap their brother in a cave
And sell him as a meager slave.
 
To Egypt, Joseph’s taken far
And sold again to Potiphar.
Through labor, he starts earning praise
And all his perseverance pays.
 
Now high within his master’s house,
He’s slandered by his master’s spouse
And thrown in jail in utter gloom,
A dark and rat-infested tomb.
 
He solves some fellow inmates’ dreams,
Interpreting their common themes.
He’s left alone for two years till
He comes to terms with his God’s will.
 
When Pharaoh has a dream as well,
He calls on Joseph from his cell.
His dream predicts some years of famine,
Spread from Egypt unto Ammon.
 
Pharaoh is indeed impressed,
And Joseph soon is heaven blessed.
As Pharaoh’s second-in-command,
He helps prepare the entire land.
 
When famine withers shoots and seeds,
All Egypt has the food it needs.
When Joseph’s brothers come for food,
He acts conspicuously rude.
 
He quickly locks up Simeon
Till they bring brother Benjamin.
They come back with his newest brother,
Born of Rachel, his dead mother.
 
A trick gets them at last to leak
Their crime, which they’ve been loath to speak.
Then Joseph says he’s their estranged
Half-brother, when he’s sure they’ve changed.
 
They beg forgiveness, which he gives,
And he is glad his father lives.
Then Jacob and his family
Move down to Egypt joyously.
___________________
 

Joseph: King of Dreams is a prequel to DreamWorks Animation’s The Prince of Egypt but skipped theaters and was released directly to video, the only animated DreamWorks film to do so. Though the story of Joseph had been done as a musical before with Andrew Lloyd Webber’s pretty good adaptation Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, this animated film is much closer to the spirit of the Biblical story, as the opening disclaimer tries to convey. Some creative license was taken, such as removing Leah from the picture to avoid the depiction of Jacob having two concurrent wives, but Joseph: King of Dreams is a wonderful introduction to the Biblical story for all young viewers.

The animation and music are all right but do not measure up to the masterpiece that DreamWorks pulled off with Prince of Egypt, and I bet the filmmakers knew that; hence, its direct-to-video status. Many of the songs are catchy while you hear them but aren’t as memorable as they try to be, but the best ones are the opener “Miracle Child” and “Better Than I,” a very Christian song beautifully recounting Joseph’s memories while in captivity (though, can a tree really grow that much in two years?). While the voice acting was never advertised much upon release, it does feature Ben Affleck as Joseph, Mark Hamill as Judah, and Richard Herd as Jacob, among various other known and obscure voice actors.

It’s always enjoyable to see a well-produced adaptation of a Bible story since so many are obviously low-budget affairs. At the same time, there’s a danger of departing too far from the source material in order to build characters or tension (a la the recent Noah); Joseph: King of Dreams is an admirable Biblical movie that remains faithful to the text, telling a timeless story for all ages and audiences.

Best line: (lyrics in the song speaking of God while Joseph is imprisoned) “You know better than I.”

 
Artistry: 6
Characters/Actors: 5
Entertainment: 7
Visual Effects: 5
Originality: 5
Watchability: 7
 
TOTAL: 35 out of 60
 

Next: #260 – Galaxy Quest

© 2014 S. G. Liput

 

Won’t Back Down (2012)

19 Saturday Apr 2014

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When Jaime Fitzpatrick, a poor single mother,
Perceives that her daughter is being let down
By a substandard school, she tries finding another
But cannot afford the ones earning renown.
 
Meanwhile a teacher at Adams, that school,
Is also concerned for her slow-learning son.
While this Nona Alberts tries joining the pool,
She too is shut out from a school that’s well-run.
 
At last, Jaime’s had it with uncaring teachers
Who won’t help her dyslexic daughter to read.
She hears of a law with a number of features
Intended to let parents change schools in need.
 
Convincing Miss Alberts to join her crusade,
Jaime passes out flyers, petitions, and such.
She gains at least fifty, but most are afraid
That the system just won’t let them do very much.
 
The state’s teacher’s union attacks the endeavor
With lies mixed with truth to discourage new blood.
They say it hurts teachers; their fear is, however,
This unionless new school could start a whole flood.
 
From door-to-door visits to rallies with pride,
Both Jaime and Nona begin to persuade
Some teachers and parents to come to their side
And give Adams their fundamental upgrade.
 
Though Michael, a teacher and Jaime’s new beau,
Is averse at the first to forsake union aid,
He too comes around when he sees to let go
Is to move the school forward from where it’s decayed.
 
A couple mistakes come to haunt Nona still,
But the head of the school board decides to assist.
Obtaining a rare hearing through her good will,
They try to ensure that there’s nothing they’ve missed.
 
The school board says “no” for a typo at first,
But a speech and redo gains them just enough votes.
Jaime’s daughter soon reads, for she’s now been immersed
In the true love of learning their new school promotes.
_______________________
 

Won’t Back Down may be divisive for supporters of teacher’s unions, but it’s a truly uplifting drama that should remind teachers and parents alike that schools are meant to benefit the children that fill them. Maggie Gyllenhaal is on fire as Jaime Fitzpatrick, an ultimate Type A personality, who is not content to let her daughter’s school fail her. While she’s poor and undereducated, she doesn’t want her daughter to be the same, and her love for Malia is evident from the beginning.

Viola Davis also shines in a much more understated role as Nona Alberts. Most of the time she remains stoically overwhelmed, much like her brilliant Oscar-nominated performance in Doubt, but about midway through she perks up and gets some wonderful moments to both have some fun and give some frustrating people a piece of her mind. In addition, Holly Hunter plays a leader in the teacher’s union who begins to have second thoughts, and Oscar Isaac as Michael gets some good scenes defending the role of unions in the past. He also gets to sing a bit, foreshadowing his latest role in Inside Llewyn Davis, in which he sang his songs live.

Like Nona’s gradual awakening from just going through the motions to actively teaching her class, the cinematography brightens as the film progresses. At the beginning, the color scheme is so muted, it might as well be in black and white, but by the end, everything is more radiant and colorful, especially the school, reflecting the growing hope for a better school and future.

The mostly clean film is an indictment on the overregulated education “system” and a probably oversimplified solution to it, but whether you agree with its message or not, Won’t Back Down is a marvelously acted if slowly-paced film that encourages viewers to change whatever they can for the better. (By the way, Tom Petty’s “I Won’t Back Down” not only inspired the name of the movie but also earns a place in my End Credits Song Hall of Fame.)

Best line: (Nona Alberts, when urged to dance) “I haven’t danced since ‘Gettin’ Jiggy wit It,’ and I wasn’t jiggy then.”

 
Artistry: 7
Characters/Actors: 8
Entertainment: 6
Visual Effects: N/A
Originality: 7
Watchability: 7
 
TOTAL: 35 out of 60
 

Next: #261 – Joseph: King of Dreams

© 2014 S. G. Liput