Tag Archives: Action

Kung Fu Panda (2008)

23 Sunday Mar 2014

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A corpulent panda named Po likes to dream
Of joining the fabulous martial arts team,
The Furious Five, who include Crane and Monkey,
Viper and Mantis and Tigress. But chunky
Young Po knows that they are way out of his league:
A noodle shop job is enough to fatigue.
 
His “father,” a goose, doesn’t know Po’s desire,
And so he is shocked when he sees Po conspire
To see the foretold Dragon Warrior named.
They’re all thunderstruck when it’s Po who’s proclaimed.
Great Master Shifu is not happy one bit
And does all he can to convince Po to quit.
 
But Po endures lots of ferocious abuse
And takes it in stride as the pain is let loose.
But Tai Lung, a pupil that Shifu did fail,
Who’s greedy for power, has broken from jail,
So Shifu then follows his master’s advice
And trains Po much better by using his vice.
 
With dumplings and soup, Po improves his kung fu,
And Shifu’s impressed at what pandas can do.
Po’s heroes run off ere their foe can arrive,
But Tai Lung defeats the famed Furious Five.
Po doubts he can win; Tai Lung’s out of control,
And Po gets little help from the blank Dragon Scroll.
 
When Tai Lung arrives, he beats Shifu to pulp,
But Po calls him out with an uneasy gulp.
Their fight gives Tai Lung the best part of abuse,
And Po puts his overweight flab to good use.
Defeating Tai Lung with a move few can do,
The new Dragon Warrior proves his kung fu.
______________________
 

Kung Fu Panda is an exciting homage to the Chinese wuxia genre with lots of fighting and humor and one big panda. When the film first came out, I wasn’t interested in the least, as has been the case with several CGI movies of late, but, once I gave it a chance when it came on television, I was favorably impressed. Quite a few famous actors lend their voices to DreamWorks’s characters, and, though most aren’t given much to say, Jack Black as Po, Dustin Hoffman as Master Shifu, and Ian McShane as Tai Lung are certainly the most well-cast roles. Jack Black’s fanboy enthusiasm alternates between hilarious and annoying, but he makes Po endearing overall. The film also has some lovely animation, though I don’t care for some of the character designs and did not find the animation as stunning as many critics hailed.

The main draw for me, though, is the action. I haven’t seen many martial arts films, but some of the choreographed fights in this movie took my breath away. It all gets a bit repetitive by the end, particularly with the overuse of slow-motion shots, but Tai Lung’s rope bridge fight with the Furious Five and especially the villain’s jailbreak are among the best animated action sequences, in my opinion.

While there’s some “kung fu-ey” mysticism and the end has a hackneyed “believe in yourself” lesson, Po’s zealous perseverance in the midst of difficulty is admirable, and Shifu’s relationship with Tai Lung manages to evoke some pathos as well. Kung Fu Panda succeeds in combining laughs and thrills in an entertaining way that has made it one of DreamWorks Animation’s most successful franchises.

Best line: (Shifu, as Po is doing this) “Panda, we do not wash our pits in the Pool of Sacred Tears.”

 
Artistry: 6
Characters/Actors: 6
Entertainment: 7
Visual Effects: 7
Originality: 4
Watchability: 6
Other (some awkward, less-than-funny scenes): -4
 
TOTAL: 32 out of 60
 

Next: #288: Kung Fu Panda 2 (yep)

© 2014 S. G. Liput

 

Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas (2003)

19 Wednesday Mar 2014

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Sinbad the sailor’s a scoundrel at heart,
Or so goddess Eris may think.
This villainous goddess has chaos to start
And sends a beast into the drink.
 
As Sinbad is robbing an old but dear friend
Named Proteus, parted for years,
He finds he must help his old chum to defend
‘Gainst a tentacled fiend that appears.
 
They dispose of the monster, but Sinbad is swept
From the ship, so that Eris can pitch
An offer to him he can’t help but accept:
Steal a book and she’ll make the rogue rich.
 
In Syracuse, Proteus unloads the book
That brings peace to the cities around.
But sly Eris frames the notorious crook,
And leaves the whole kingdom unsound.
 
They all accuse Sinbad, but Proteus asks
That he stay while Sinbad finds the book.
The thief at first balks at this hardest of tasks,
But he leaves since he’s now off the hook.
 
Marina, Prince Proteus’s fiancée,
Stows away to ensure Sinbad goes.
A bribe proves enough to allow her to stay,
But they don’t like each other (it shows).
 
But, when Eris sends several Sirens to sing,
Who bewitch both the thief and his crew,
Marina takes over to narrowly bring
The ship and its company through.
 
They next hook a line to an island-sized fish,
Which gives them a turbulent ride.
Marina then almost becomes the main dish
For a giant bird Eris supplied.
 
Once Sinbad saves her, they all sail for a star,
And he unveils his love for the girl.
As they near Tartarus after coming so far,
They sail off the edge of the world.
 
Marina and Sinbad swing to Eris’ realm,
A lost kingdom of ruin and death.
Meanwhile, his faithful first mate takes the helm,
And everyone’s holding their breath.
 
In Tartarus, Eris taunts Sinbad to lie
And say he’ll return when he won’t.
He swears, book or no, that he’ll go back to die.
They try to retrieve it but don’t.
 
At the moment when Proteus thinks he’ll be slain,
Sinbad comes back to him just in time.
He is empty-handed; the trip was in vain,
But he’s there to be killed for his “crime.”
 
Yet Eris had sworn that, if he said what’s true,
He’d then have the book that she took.
His promise was genuine; he followed through,
So she grudgingly gives him the book.
 
His name somewhat cleared, Sinbad plans to depart,
And Marina is silently sad.
Yet Proteus tells her to follow her heart
So she voyages off with Sinbad.
__________________
 

Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas is both a homage to the ancient Arab tales (and the old movie featuring the character) and a thrill ride that is sure to buckle anyone’s swash. With some of the best action set pieces involving traditional animation, Sinbad seems like a precursor and inspiration for the Pirates of the Caribbean sequels. While Curse of the Black Pearl came out the same year as this DreamWorks film and shares the hero/thief dichotomy of the main character, the other three seem to borrow key scenes from Sinbad. The attacks of the Kraken in Dead Man’s Chest are similar to Cetus’ assault at the beginning, the edge of the world scene in At World’s End seems directly borrowed from this film (complete with the characters who continue on finding themselves suddenly in a desert with the remains of a ship), and the vampiric mermaids of On Stranger Tides are akin to the Sirens. The other action scenes may not have direct comparisons but are still just as thrilling, such as their escape from the giant roc.

Another similarity is the fact that, while Sinbad and Jack Sparrow are both murderous thieves when you get right down to it, the films aren’t actually about them doing the despicable acts that have earned them infamy in the movie’s world. This allows the film to redeem these characters in a way that makes them heroic, even if they probably continue their old lifestyles after the film’s events.

The adventuresome Harry Gregson-Williams score is perfect, though it’s got nothing on Hans Zimmer’s classic theme for Pirates. The animation, again a mixture of hand-drawn animation for the characters and CGI for the giant creatures, is quite good as well and extremely fluid, such as Eris’ ethereal comings and goings. The voice acting is also top-notch, and it remains the only Brad Pitt film my VC can bring herself to watch, mainly because Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michelle Pfeifer do so well in their respective roles. As the last of DreamWorks’s traditionally animated films, Sinbad offers some great action and a predictable but nicely developed romance, and I think it deserved a sequel. I like many of DreamWorks Animation’s CGI films, but it’s a shame that wonderful hand-drawn films like this have nearly gone extinct in the U.S.

Best line: (Marina, while hiding from the roc after Sinbad pulls out a single knife) “Great, he can pick his teeth when he’s done with us.” (Sinbad) “Yeah, you see, in the hands of an expert, a good knife has 1,001 good uses.” (Sinbad then proves his lack of expertise.)

 
Artistry: 4
Characters/Actors: 6
Entertainment: 8
Visual Effects: 8
Originality: 6
Watchability: 6
Other (I just like other films better): -6
 
TOTAL: 32 out of 60
 

Next: #292: The Impossible

© 2014 S. G. Liput

 

I Am Legend (2007) / World War Z (2013)

13 Thursday Mar 2014

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Robert Neville is the last
Survivor of a medicine
That wiped out most three years ago;
The rest are mutants with pale skin.
 
He drives through New York’s empty streets,
His only friend a dog named Sam.
Although he tries to find a cure,
So far his efforts are a sham.
 
One day, while scavenging for food,
He has a close call with the freaks,
Who cannot live in broad sunlight
And only let out yells and shrieks.
 
He captures one of them as well
To test a new experiment.
He thinks his serum doesn’t work
And starts to doubt his efforts spent.
 
A mutant traps him, and, in fleeing,
Robert sees Sam get a bite.
He takes her home to try his cure,
But he must strangle her that night.
 
At first, he’s numb and wants revenge,
Which fails as well, but he is saved
By healthy Anna and a boy,
The company that he has craved.
 
He doesn’t share her faith-filled hope,
But he defends her when night falls
And mutants come to storm his house.
The three then hide behind glass walls.
 
When Robert sees his serum works,
He sacrifices his own life
To stop the creatures and let Anna
Carry it to end the strife.
Or:
When Robert sees his serum works,
He gives his test case back, unsure.
When all the mutants let him live,
The three of them leave with his cure.
_________________________
 
Gerry Lane’s a family man
Amidst a breakout of disease
That turns infected ones into
A zombie horde that will not ease.
 
His family narrowly escapes
A Newark rooftop just in time.
They’re safe aboard a U.N. ship,
But Gerry’s course turns on a dime.
 
If they stay safe, he has to go
And help a doctor find a cure.
They go to South Korea, where
The doc is killed, and they detour.
 
In Israel, a wall’s been built;
They had the foresight to prepare.
But sound attracts the zombie crowd
And makes them climb without a stair.
 
Jerusalem is lost, it seems,
But Gerry saves a soldier girl.
They manage passage on a plane
And fly above the hostile world.
 
But there’s a zombie on the plane,
And things get quite out of control.
Yet Gerry throws a live grenade
And blows the undead out the hole.
 
The plane goes down somewhere in Wales,
But Gerry and the girl survive.
They find a W.H.O.,
Which verifies that they’re alive.
 
Then Gerry wants to test a theory
Which may help with quarantine.
The zombies may ignore the sick;
Disease may keep us all unseen.
 
They have the samples of disease,
But that wing’s filled with the infected.
He sneaks by zombie-crowded rooms
And almost gets through undetected.
 
Trapped within a small glass room,
He gives himself a bad disease.
He opens up the door again
And walks through zombie hordes with ease.
 
Once cured of what he gave himself,
He spreads the news he chanced to find.
This helps the soldiers to fight back
And saves what’s left of all mankind.
_____________________
 

I’m not big on the genre of zombie movies. I’ve never seen Night of the Living Dead or The Evil Dead or The Walking Dead or any movie or show with “dead” in the title (as far as I know). Thus, most of what I know is based on things I’ve read or heard, but one common factor that has mainly kept me from such films is its penchant for violence and gore. The concept of the living dead is interesting to me, but it’s not worth slogging through buckets of blood or body parts. Therefore, I’ve included these films as two of the most restrained members of the zombie genre.

I put I Am Legend and World War Z together because, after seeing the latter, I was struck by several similarities between the two. Both are based on well-received science fiction horror novels. Both involve several startling jump scenes and a worldwide pandemic of a mysterious disease that turns many or all of its victims into mindless monsters that throw themselves wildly against windshields. Both include a sympathetic family man trying to find a cure, and both end with the protagonist locked in a glass room.

I Am Legend is a melancholy picture of an empty New York, starring Will Smith as Robert Neville. Unlike Gerry Lane in World War Z, Neville loses everything in his search for a cure, and Will Smith makes the pathos of his situation very believable and touching. The film includes both one of the most intense and one of the saddest scenes ever, namely Neville’s first encounter with the infected (which feels like an edge-of-your-seat first-person-shooter video game) and his killing of his beloved dog, on his birthday no less. This sad scene ranks up there with Old Yeller as far as traumatic canine deaths.

A main problem with I Am Legend is the end. There was no need for Neville to kill himself, since he could have fit in the little niche in which Anna and Ethan hid. I much prefer the abovementioned alternate ending, which is much less depressing, though it diverges from the book on which the film is based.

World War Z features actual zombies, rather than the more vampiric mutants. While some people have stated that fast-moving undead are a cliché now, the sight of the rushing zombie hordes is admittedly unnerving.

Though my VC refused to see it because of her dislike for Brad Pitt, I thought he did a decent job as Gerry Lane, though not as good as Will Smith’s performance. Yet, while I Am Legend has many scenes that dwell on what he has lost, World War Z is a much more straightforward action movie (with most direct acts of violence thankfully offscreen), the pace of which hardly slows down enough to let the implications of this global disaster sink in. Yet Gerry’s family survive, unlike Neville’s, and so does he, which makes the end a little happier, if equally ambiguous. On the other hand, Neville actually found a cure for the disease, whereas Gerry’s solution is just to prevent its spread, leaving everyone already a zombie to just be exterminated. Plus, unlike I Am Legend and a similar epidemic film Contagion, we never learn where the zombie outbreak came from. (I blame the Sumatran rat monkey.)

Both have some language and violence, and the very concept of a disease wiping out most of the world’s population is inherently sobering, but both manage to excite, thrill, and believably create these frightening what-if situations.

Best line from I Am Legend: (Neville, speaking of Bob Marley) “When they asked him why – he said, “The people, who were trying to make this world worse… are not taking a day off. How can I? Light up the darkness.”

Best line from World War Z: (Jurgen Warmbrunn in Israel) “Most people don’t believe something can happen until it already has. That’s not stupidity or weakness, that’s just human nature.”

 
Artistry: 6
Characters/Actors: 6
Entertainment: 7
Visual Effects: 7
Originality: 5
Watchability: 6
Other (language, violence, and subject matter): -6
 
TOTAL: 31 out of 60
 

Next: #297: Horton Hears a Who!

© 2014 S. G. Liput

 

Independence Day (1996)

10 Monday Mar 2014

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A giant object nears the earth and freaks us humans out.
We’ve all suspected aliens, but now there is no doubt.
When several ships break off from it and hover over cities,
The world debates what they should do in jittery committees.
A pilot in the desert by the name of Russell Casse,
Who insists he was abducted, fears they’ve come to kill our race.
 
Then David Levinson, a tech who’s skilled in playing chess,
Discovers there’s a countdown that is unknown to the press.
He has his Jewish father drive him that night to D.C.
In hopes his ex-wife Constance might enable him to see
The President Tom Whitmore. When he warns the President,
They leave the city just before a terrible event.
 
In every major city with a spaceship overhead,
The aliens shoot beams that cause destruction as they spread.
The government reciprocates but cannot harm E.T.
Because a shield surrounds the ships, which shoot them as they flee.
A Captain Steven Hiller, whose own lover did survive,
Prevails against one alien and captures it alive.
 
The President and David and the rest on Air Force One
Then fly off to Nevada, where some research has been done.
Apparently at Roswell, these same aliens were caught,
And their captured ship’s been studied ever since it first was brought.
When Steven brings the creature, they do surgery until
It massacres the doctors and confirms they’ve come to kill.
 
Though all seems lost since many, like the First Lady, have died,
Smart David comes up with a plan he hopes will turn the tide.
Both he and Steven fly the spacecraft to the mothership
To spread a harmful virus that will make their defense slip.
Meanwhile, everybody, counting Whitmore too and Casse,
Prepares to fight the vessel that is headed for their place.
 
When David sends the virus, all the vessels’ force fields drop,
So Casse goes kamikaze, bringing E.T. to a stop.
When Steve and David blow the mothership back to the stars,
They crash to earth and hug their wives while smoking big cigars.
America then tells the world how best to blow away
The enemy from whom we claim our independence day.
___________________________
 

Independence Day is the epitome of a big special-effects-laden summer popcorn movie, back before the Transformers films gave that genre a numbing bad name. At first, it seems like a campy alien movie spoof with a host of comedic touches, such as the opening song being R.E.M.’s “It’s the End of the World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine).” Plus, our first attempt to communicate with them involves bright lights because…well, they must have seen Close Encounters. Then, when the aliens actually attack, the level of absolute devastation takes the audience aback with the sheer scope of it all; after that, the two tones go back and forth, such as when they introduce Brent Spiner’s geeky Dr. Okun at Area 51 only to brutally kill him off in a scene reminiscent of the Alien movies.

Considering the immensity of the destruction here, which is actually quite sobering, it’s surprising that the writers infused so much campy humor into the proceedings, helped by Jeff Goldblum as smartest-person-in-the-room David Levinson, Judd Hirsch as his stereotypically Jewish father, and Will Smith as the brash pilot Steven Hiller. They each have some moments of drama as they think about the apocalypse that’s upon them, but most of the time they’re there for laughs or to deliver amusing action movie slogans.

Director Roland Emmerich has a penchant for destruction, and he puts special effects to good use in that department, though they’re not perfect. If you want to see government buildings blown apart spectacularly, this is your movie. Despite many disaster movie clichés, some elements have found their way into other films. For instance, Spielberg’s aliens in War of the Worlds look suspiciously like the ones in this film. The end is quite satisfying overall, even if the President’s speech about July 4 becoming the world’s Independence Day wasn’t well-received overseas. Still, it’s an American movie, so what the heck?

Overall, it has some foul language and some less-than-moral elements, and there are too many underdeveloped characters for viewers to really get emotionally involved with the story, but, as entertaining blockbuster fare, Independence Day is pretty impressive.

Best line: (news reporter in Los Angeles) “Once again, the L.A.P.D. is asking Los Angelenos not to fire their guns at the visitor spacecraft. You may inadvertently trigger an interstellar war.”

VC’s best line: (Constance, referring to a career) “Haven’t you ever wanted to be part of something special?”  (David, referring to their marriage) “I was part of something special.”

 
Artistry: 3
Characters/Actors: 6
Entertainment: 8
Visual Effects: 7
Originality: 4
Watchability: 6
Other (language): -3
 
TOTAL: 31 out of 60
 

Next: #300: The Godfather (that’s right)

© 2014 S. G. Liput

The Castle of Cagliostro (1979)

06 Thursday Mar 2014

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Lupin III is a gentleman thief,
Who’s known for his heists and his charm.
He robs a casino but gets away clean,
Even after he prompts the alarm.
 
But soon he realizes the bills are all fake,
And so he decides to explore
The source of these infamous “goat bills” he found,
Which he, as a thief, can’t ignore.
 
The tiny Grand Duchy of Cagliostro
Is where Lupin heads with a pal.
They soon see a girl being chased in a car
And follow the thug-pursued gal.
 
They save her from gun-toting goons and a cliff,
But still she is kidnapped away.
They go to a castle that Lupin remembers
And locate a place they can stay.
 
The girl was Clarisse, the small country’s princess,
Who is scheduled to marry a count.
She met and helped Lupin a few years ago,
A story he’s loath to recount.
 
The count needs her ring, which she gave to Lupin,
So he sends out his own ninja squad.
The duo escape and then plan their break-in
Of his castle that’s sure to hold fraud.
 
The brusque Zenigata, who’s with Interpol
And who’s vowed to catch Lupin one day,
Is lured by the thief to the danger-filled castle.
It’s a game Lupin knows how to play.
 
He uses his foe as a way to get in,
Though the agent falls through a trap door.
Then, climbing the roof, Lupin gets to the tower,
Which no one has managed before.
 
He woos sweet Clarisse, who is scared to escape
(With good reason); the Count soon arrives.
He drops the thief into a fathomless pit,
But the capable Lupin survives.
 
He meets Zenigata deep down in the crypt,
Where snoopers like them lie in piles.
Agreeing to peace till they both can get out,
They outsmart the Count and his wiles.
 
They find the Count’s presses for printing fake cash,
Intended for Beijing to Cairo.
With guards on their heels, they escape from their jail,
Abducting the Count’s autogyro.
 
Assisted by Fujiko, Lupin’s ex-lover,
They hover to rescue Clarisse.
Though Lupin is shot by the Count and his men,
The good guys get out in one piece.
 
Count still has Clarisse, so, as Lupin recovers,
He plans how to get her released.
His friends crash the wedding (which is televised),
While Lupin’s disguised as the priest.
 
In all of the chaos and strife, Zenigata
Goes in so the whole world can see.
He shows off the bills and the counterfeit presses,
Exposing the Count on TV.
 
But Count Cagliostro is busy with Lupin,
Who’s fleeing the scene with Clarisse.
He chases them into a giant clock tower
And bars any chance of release.
 
At last, with them cornered, the Count gets the ring,
As to the clock face he clings.
He causes the duo to plunge in the lake
And finds the secret of the rings.
 
His actions start draining the lake down below
And move the clock’s hands till he’s crushed.
An old Roman ruin is slowly revealed
As most of the water is flushed.
 
This treasure’s too precious (and massive) to steal,
And Lupin will need a headstart;
The thief bids the lovely Clarisse an adieu,
Stealing only the princess’s heart.
_____________________
 

The Castle of Cagliostro has the distinction of being the first feature film directed by famed anime master Hayao Miyazaki, several years before he even founded Studio Ghibli. His talent is evident in the interesting characters, exciting action scenes, and detailed plot. The animation is solid, with some of his artistry showing in the natural scenes and the mountainous backdrops, though some scenes are inconsistent as far as quality. I mainly appreciate Miyazaki’s reimagining of these characters, who are based off a Japanese manga series which was inspired by Maurice LeBlanc’s French literary character Arsene Lupin (the French equivalent of Britain’s Sherlock Holmes). From what I’ve read, the usual depiction of Lupin III was as a less sympathetic lecher, and the other characters tended to be less likable as well. While Miyazaki’s revisionism for this film was not universally well-received, he did a good thing in my book, downplaying the negative qualities of the characters.

While common physics sometimes takes a backseat for the action, the exciting scenes are vastly entertaining, like the movie as a whole. Lupin’s injury midway through helps to ground the story in some semblance of real-world danger, even if he does recover unusually fast.

The film is also a showcase of Miyazaki’s influence on other animation. The fight amid the clock tower’s inner gears and the final showdown on its face was clearly borrowed by Disney for the end of The Great Mouse Detective a few years later, and the end scene with the draining water revealing a lost city was an admitted influence on a similar scene in Atlantis: The Lost Empire.

The most recent dub that I saw is quite good, but with one big caveat: the language. The film is almost family appropriate by itself, but whoever translated the dialogue apparently felt they had to add in profanity for some reason. This bugs me to no end, since the obscenities add nothing and could easily be removed. Language aside though, the film is a classic in the James Bond style and one of Miyazaki’s most entertaining movies.  (No best line, sorry.)

 
Artistry: 6
Characters/Actors: 7
Entertainment: 9
Visual Effects: 5
Originality: 7
Watchability: 6
Other (language): -9 (it’s worse because it’s almost a family film otherwise)
 
TOTAL: 31 out of 60
 

Tomorrow: #303: Stuart Little

© 2014 S. G. Liput

King Kong (2005)

05 Wednesday Mar 2014

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Depression-era New York City – that is where our story starts
With lovely actress Miss Ann Darrow having trouble finding parts.
Both work and food are scarce to find, though some demeaning jobs still pay,
But Miss Ann Darrow will not stoop (except to steal some fruit one day).
 
Then Carl Denham joins the scene and offers Ann the perfect role,
The female lead in his next film, the tools of which (turns out) he stole.
The film’s producers doubt his skill, and so, before they shut him down,
He leaves with Ann and his film crew aboard a freighter out of town.
 
He also tricks his “pal” Jack Driscoll, who’s a writer Ann admires,
Into staying on the ship to write the script that Carl requires.
The ship sails on to who-knows-where, according to a cryptic map
That Carl has, which leads to fortune or perhaps into a trap.
 
While Ann and Jack grow close on ship, the crew exhibits trepidation,
Particularly when they learn “Skull Island” is their destination.
Soon they run into some rocks and narrowly avoid a wreck.
When Carl’s crew then go ashore, the captain lets him risk his neck.
 
They meet some dark malicious natives, and they pay a bloody price,
But Englehorn, the captain, comes and stops the hostiles’ sacrifice.
They try to leave, but several natives come aboard and kidnap Ann.
She’s taken to a giant wall and lowered by the wicked clan.
 
A giant ape appears and takes her, just before her friends arrive,
So Englehorn sends out a group to quickly bring her back alive.
With Carl’s movie crew along to film what marvels may await,
The rescue team soon realizes this land holds creatures out-of-date.
 
The great gorilla shakes poor Ann and takes her to his cliffside haunt.
To keep him calm, the girl performs her vaudeville acts she hopes he’ll want.
He likes his toy but plays too rough, which prompts a firm, emphatic “No.”
He yells a bit but then departs, and Ann is unsure where to go.
 
Meanwhile, Jack and all the rest are facing jeopardy as well.
When Carl films some dinosaurs, a stampede shrinks their personnel.
A swampy cruise turns deadly too, and, once they’ve left the lethal bog,
They meet the dreaded ape himself, who shakes the humans off a log.
 
The island’s king then seeks his toy and finds Ann threatened by a rival.
He fights a V. Rex trio for her, and she joins him for survival.
A giant insect pit of death comes close to claiming Carl and Jack,
But Englehorn saves them again, though Carl’s film he can’t get back.
 
When Jack goes on to rescue Ann, he finds her with the mammoth brute,
And, with the help of giant bats, they flee, the ape in hot pursuit.
To make the journey all worthwhile, Englehorn and Carl try
To catch the beast; it’s dangerous, but, in the end, they get their guy.
 
Though Ann is sickened by it, Carl puts the giant on display
And turns “King Kong” into the biggest hit, a sellout on Broadway.
Ann’s stand-in and the camera lights turn out to be too much for Kong;
He breaks his chains and finds a world in which the beast does not belong.
 
His rampage trashes New York’s streets, as Kong goes searching for dear Ann.
She comes to him, and their odd friendship gets as touching as it can.
But then the army trucks arrive, and Kong takes Ann to lofty heights
And scales the tall Empire State Building so that they can see the sights.
 
The airplanes come and shoot at Kong, who’s not as mighty as he’s been.
He saves Miss Darrow from a fall, but, in the end, the airplanes win.
His body plummets to the ground, and people gather where he’s sprawled,
But Ann, who still has Jack, will miss the beast her beauty so enthralled.
___________________________
 

Some films are so classic that the mere thought of a remake is sacrilegious simply because there is no way for them to possibly be done better; such is the case for Gone with the Wind, The Wizard of Oz, or It’s a Wonderful Life. But if any old movie deserved, in fact demanded, a blockbuster makeover, it was 1933’s King Kong. The special effects in the original are certainly amazing and even manage to impress by today’s standards, but a modern version was certainly understandable, considering the mixed reviews garnered by Dino De Laurentiis’s 1976 remake. And who better but Peter Jackson to bring Kong to life and turn this 72-year-old story into an epic?

The whole film is a special effects extravaganza and is perhaps too much. The 1930s opening recreates that time very well, but it has a distinctly modern feel too; it looks like a modern reproduction of Depression-era New York rather than the actual thing. The acting is all right with the main standout being Naomi Watts, who manages to scream as effectively as and much less frequently than the original’s Fay Wray. Jack Black plays a good con artist in Carl Denham but seems out of place in the epic way Jackson presents the story (his final famous line falls FLAT as can be), and most of the other actors are just there basically to meet their uniquely grisly deaths on Skull Island. The biggest improvement over the original, besides the digital effects, is the relationship between Ann Darrow and Kong. It’s much less one-sided here than in the 1933 version, with Ann clearly caring for the ape almost as much as he cares for her, but in a more protector/damsel way rather than in a strange sexual way. Thus, it is more of a beauty-and-the-beast friendship than a romance.

The special effects are certainly the film’s biggest draw, with the sauropod stampede and the Kong vs. V. Rex fight being the jaw-dropping marvels of the film. The latter is one of the most exciting scenes in recent years for sure.

Despite all these pluses, the film drags on way too long. Considering what Jackson has done with The Hobbit of late, he maybe could have broken this film into three parts too. Nearly every scene, especially some unnecessary slow-motion ones, could have been trimmed in some way, shortening the film as a whole. Plus, the savage natives’ attack and the insect pit scene indulge too much in Jackson’s proven love of horror and are honestly hard to watch. Plus, there’s plenty of language, and the end is just sad, without any real moral aside from the fact they should have left Kong on the island. Still, for sheer spectacle, King Kong is a wonder to behold. Jackson made The Lord of the Rings so he could fund this film; it probably should have been the other way around.

Best line: (Carl) “Ann, I’m not that kind of person.”  (Ann) “Oh really, then what kind of person are you, Mr. Denham?”  (Carl) “I’m someone you can trust; I’m a movie producer.”

 
Artistry: 6
Characters/Actors: 5
Entertainment: 7
Visual Effects: 9
Originality: 5
Watchability: 6
Other (language and violence): -8
 
TOTAL: 30 out of 60
 

Next: #305: The Greatest Game Ever Played

© 2014 S. G. Liput

 

The African Queen (1951)

03 Monday Mar 2014

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When World War I had scarce begun
The Germans were superior
In Africa’s interior,
Where they assumed that they had won.
Their killing spree makes natives flee
Away from the Ulanga stream
And from a missionary team,
Two British siblings, scared but free.
 
The foes’ control does take its toll
On Samuel, who gets sick and goes
To God and leaves his sister Rose,
Who hates the Germans as a whole.
And yet Rose soon receives a boon
When Charlie Allnut joins the scene
Aboard his boat the African Queen
And rescues her that afternoon.
 
This British pair are quite aware
They’re in unfriendly territory,
But their steamboat’s inventory
Gives to Rose a plan to share.
Rose tells her host what matters most
Is, in this land of tropic beauty,
To do their patriotic duty,
And fight the Germans near the coast.
 
Her forceful vote is to devote
The ship to be a bomb of sorts,
In hopes their crazy mission thwarts
The Queen Louisa, a big gunboat.
Though Allnut doubts what she’s about,
He does agree to aid her quest,
And, with some coaxing, he is pressed
To sail down by a risky route.
 
They steam on fast and sail right past
The German guns at Shona’s fort
With minor damage to report,
And, after that, are not harassed.
The next speed bump for them to trump
Is rapids, three whitewater falls,
And, by the end, the paddle stalls,
Which throws their plan into a slump.
 
While they are stayed to fix a blade,
A romance clearly has begun.
The rapids turned out to be fun,
And they grow close in their crusade.
They next get stuck within some muck
Around the river’s delta mouth,
And their whole enterprise goes south,
As they are lost and out of luck.
 
A quick downpour saves them before
They meet their end, so Charlie then
Creates their planned torpedo when
They’re ready to engage the war.
Their plan embarks that night, but hark!
Their launch becomes a big mistake;
A storm blows up upon the lake
And sinks the Queen in rain and dark.
 
Charlie, then Rose are saved by foes
Aboard the target ship Louisa.
So Rose decides to quickly seize a
Chance to tell, so someone knows.
The girl’s harangue confirms they’ll hang.
The couple beg the captain to
First marry them before they do;
They then are ready, but then BANG!
 
The sunken Queen does intervene.
The two ships luckily collide,
And their bomb strikes Louisa’s side
And helps them get away unseen.
As Rose had vowed, they stood unbowed,
Prepared to die, but each survives
And they both plan to share their lives,
Now having done their country proud.
_______________________
 

The African Queen is a wartime adventure starring Katherine Hepburn and Humphrey Bogart in roles perfectly suited for them. While I like Katherine Hepburn on the whole, I’m not a big fan of Bogie, finding his typical presence so “iconic” that it’s rather boring. But his performance as Charlie Allnut here is out of type, rough and uncouth but still attempting to be a gentleman in his own way. Perhaps that’s why he won his only Oscar for The African Queen.

The two’s romance is well-handled, developing gradually from initial distant uneasiness to excited camaraderie as they share in the toils of their trek. I also admire the difficulties endured by the cast and crew as they withstood sickness and much difficulty shooting many parts of the film on location in central Africa. While the climax involving the African Queen’s “vengeance” of sorts is different from the ending of the book on which the film is based, I actually think it was a nice touch that helped compress several events, such as the couple’s marriage and the sinking of the Queen Louisa. Still, as with many old movies from the 1950s and earlier, I thought the film ended rather abruptly and could have used some additional scene, perhaps of Rose and Charlie making it to shore.

All in all, while it’s not quite as exciting as a description makes it sound, The African Queen nonetheless offers a wonderful blend of humor, action, and romance that the whole family can enjoy.

Best line: (the Louisa’s captain as he marries Rose and Charlie) “By the authority vested in me by Kaiser William II, I pronounce you man and wife. Proceed with the execution.”

 
Artistry: 5
Characters/Actors: 7
Entertainment: 5
Visual Effects: 3
Originality: 5
Watchability: 5
 
TOTAL: 30 out of 60
 

Tomorrow: #307: The Horse Whisperer

© 2014 S. G. Liput

War of the Worlds (2005)

22 Saturday Feb 2014

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A narrator reveals that hostile aliens are hard at work;
So let us watch their conquest through the eyes of Ray, a selfish jerk.
He’s immature and slovenly; his ex-wife knows this (hence the ex),
And when she leaves their kids with him, their presence only serves to vex.
Both Robbie and his sister Rachel aren’t too happy being there,
And Ray ignores them overall until a storm creates a scare.
 
The lightning strikes the same location twenty-six alarming times.
When Ray investigates the place, from underground a tripod climbs.
The giant alien machine starts zapping people left and right,
And Ray recovers both his kids and drives until it’s out of sight.
His ex-wife’s empty house is where they hide and try remaining calm.
The three are woken in the night by loud explosions, like a bomb.
 
The next day, Ray emerges to a sprawling field of plane debris,
And learns the foe is everywhere, at home and out across the sea.
The three set out for Boston, where they hope to find Ray’s former wife,
And dead or desperate folks abound and make them each fear for their life.
Their car is fiercely taken (since most vehicles no longer start).
They then attempt to take a ferry, which turns out to not be smart.
 
A tripod rises from the river, capsizing the ferryboat,
And tentacles reach down to snatch the men who dare to stay afloat.
Escaping from this massacre, they all continue on their quest,
But Robbie wants to join the fight to stop the uninvited guest.
He gives his father little choice, and Ray is sad to see him go,
But he and Rachel flee and join a man with shelter down below.
 
This Harlan Ogilvy soon proves that he has clearly gone insane,
And rants about survival and the chance to fight their own campaign.
They’re rattled by some narrow shaves with aliens and periscopes,
But Harlan’s thirst for vengeance and his folly threaten all their hopes.
He freaks out when he sees the foes collecting blood from human slaves,
And Ray feels he must silence him before his ranting digs their graves.
 
But Ray and Rachel still are found; a tripod lifts her in the air.
Her father follows with grenades and frees the captives from their snare.
Again with Rachel, Ray continues into Boston’s wrecked downtown,
And sees the aliens are dying, helping us to take them down.
He reconnects with his ex-wife and Robbie, whom he’s glad to see.
The narrator reveals that germs brought down the hostile enemy.
__________________________
 

Steven Spielberg’s War of the Worlds, the most advertised and successful of the three film adaptations released in 2005, is gripping, thrilling, frightening, insightful, and compelling. From the opening/closing narration by Morgan Freeman to the uniquely grainy cinematography to the inclusion of the very real threat of an EMP to wipe out all electronic devices, it’s a modern retelling of H. G. Wells’ classic story that is also the best adaptation I’ve seen so far. Tom Cruise is at his best as Ray Ferrier, and Dakota Fanning is entirely believable as his increasingly traumatized daughter Rachel. In the words of the judge from The Shawshank Redemption, Tim Robbins plays Ogilvy as “icy and remorseless,” but also with a wide-eyed edge when threatened. (It’s a shame he and Morgan Freeman never got a scene together.) The special effects and the design of the alien tripods are also well-done and often unnerving.

The drawbacks are the bad language (though it’s a bit more understandable under such extreme conditions) and, basically, the character’s story. The main goal of the film is to show this harrowing what-if situation through the eyes of a single American family, an objective that is mostly well-realized. The main problem is that the family the writers chose is unnecessarily dysfunctional, and Ray, as mentioned in the poem, is a juvenile jerk. While he has a positive character arc, particularly when he realizes what a poor father he is, unable to even sing his daughter a decent lullaby, I think the filmmakers could have chosen a more relatable guy who was less of a lowlife. He saves his daughter, but there’s little indication what his relationship with his kids is going to be like from now on. Plus, the subplot with Robbie wanting to abandon his sister to participate in a fight he can do little to help and somehow surviving it all is weak and makes Robbie even less likable than he already was. Also, the changes in the alien plot, adding in the burial of the tripods eons ago to be ready for the invasion here and now, is a little unbelievable, considering they must have learned on their first visit about the microorganisms that would later kill them. Still, War of the Worlds is an engaging, if rather morbid, feast for the eyes, and, in my opinion and my VC’s, creams the original 1953 version for special effects and entertainment value. (My VC would have it even higher on her list.)

Best line: (Robbie) “What is it? Is it terrorists?”
(Ray, speaking of the tripods) “These came from someplace else.”
(Robbie) “What do you mean, like, Europe?”
(Ray) “No, Robbie, not like Europe!”

 

Artistry: 6
Characters/Actors: 7
Entertainment: 7
Visual Effects: 8
Originality: 5
Watchability: 5
Other (language and weak elements): -8
 
TOTAL: 30 out of 60
 

Tomorrow: #312: Where the Wild Things Are

© 2014 S. G. Liput

The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997)

11 Tuesday Feb 2014

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A wealthy family’s pleasure cruise becomes a new occasion
For horror and for trauma of the dinosaur persuasion.
So businessman John Hammond, who has learned from his mistakes(?)
Has decided to dispatch a team for his creations’ sakes.
 
He tells ol’ Ian Malcolm (you remember him, of course)
That some dinos have survived and somehow found a lysine source.
But John’s nephew Peter Ludlow wants to profit from the brutes
And remove them from an island, where the beasts have put down roots.
 
Malcolm tells John that he’s crazy when John offers him a spot
In a survey expedition that still has an open slot.
But when Malcolm learns his girlfriend is already part of it,
He departs to rescue Sarah, who is too headstrong to quit.
 
Though he finds her in one piece, he nonetheless is horrified
When he finds his daughter Kelly has, in secret, hitched a ride.
But then, once they’re all together, a whole helicopter fleet
Drops off Ludlow and his hunters, who are not at all discreet.
 
Malcolm, Sarah, and two others help to free the poachers’ prey
And they take a baby T. rex, who’s too hurt to run away.
While they try to heal the infant, Mom and Dad arrive on edge.
Once they have him, they then push our heroes’ trailer off a ledge.
 
All survivors band together, both the bad guys and the good,
And the body count starts rising, as most viewers knew it would.
One is stepped on; one just walks into an open mouth (which shuts);
One is nibbled by what’s equal to a thousand paper cuts.
 
Yet eventually, they make it to a radio that works,
But a male T. rex is captured as the villain Ludlow smirks.
He then has it shipped by freighter to a San Diego dock,
But the boat arrives by crashing and is lifeless, to his shock.
 
Then the T. rex male emerges, and he’s frankly mad as heck,
And his rampage through the streets leaves San Diego in a wreck.
But, with baby Rex, both Ian and his girlfriend lure the beast
To the ship again, where Ludlow ends up being Junior’s feast.
 
They return the giant creature and its child to the isle,
And mankind at least will try to keep his distance…for a while.
___________________________
 

The Lost World: Jurassic Park, which has an oddly flipped title for a sequel, has the same kind of thrills, chills, and kills that made the original such a success, but it’s missing something, namely intelligent characters. I mean, honestly, except for Ian, everyone is way too stupid to participate in such a dangerous mission. From wandering off too far to go to the bathroom to freaking out over a snake when a T. rex is right on top of them, the hunters are just plain dumb. One supposed expert tells everyone not to wander into the tall grass, but, when everyone else does in panic, he follows them and pays with his life! Even the Velociraptors are dumbed down, having apparently lost their ability to open doors.

Still, a clever script, restrained language, and some impressive, if somewhat violent, creature effects help to move the story along at a brisk pace, and the action sequence with the T. rexes attacking a trailer is particularly riveting. I also believe this one is better than the third film, which suffered from a short length and recycled plot elements. After all, in that one, Sam Neill was too stupid to wait for a check to clear before journeying to a dino-infested island, a mistake Vince Vaughn was at least smart enough to not make in this film. Also, Lost World manages some originality, which other films later drew from. The aforementioned “long grass” scene was reimagined with pygmies in 2001’s The Mummy Returns, and the line “There’s a dinosaur in our backyard” seems suspiciously similar to “There’s a monster outside my room, can I have a glass of water?” in 2002’s Signs. While not perfect, The Lost World is still a worthy addition to the Jurassic Park franchise, and, as for the original film, readers may see it somewhere higher up on the list.

Best line: (Malcolm to Ludlow) “When you try to sound like Hammond, it comes off as a hustle. I mean, it’s not your fault. They say talent skips a generation. So, I’m sure your kids will be sharp as tacks.”

 
Artistry: 5
Characters/Actors: 4
Entertainment: 6
Visual Effects: 6
Originality: 6
Watchability: 5
Other (language and violence): -3
 
TOTAL: 29 out of 60
 

Tomorrow: #323: The Road to El Dorado

© 2014 S. G. Liput

 

Balto (1995)

03 Monday Feb 2014

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Balto’s just a wild mutt
To those who call Alaska home.
Half-wolf, half-dog, he is the butt
Of jokes and scorn all over Nome.
 
His comrade Boris, who’s a goose,
Has raised him since perhaps his birth,
And, though his warnings are profuse,
Balto wants to prove his worth.
 
He races well and angers Steele,
A lead sled dog and “glory hound,”
Who taunts his nemesis with zeal
Whenever Balto is around.
 
But Jenna and her human Rosy
Like poor Balto nonetheless.
When the two canines get nosy,
They learn Rosy’s in distress.
 
She and other kids in Nome
Have caught diphtheria, indeed.
A sled dog team must now bring home
The antitoxin that they need.
 
Steele’s the lead dog for the trek.
A blizzard causes them to stray,
Nearly brings about a wreck,
And hurts their musher, by the way.
 
As Rosy worsens, Balto goes
To find the team and be their guide,
But, when he does, he is opposed
By Steele’s resentful, selfish pride.
 
Yet Balto still does take the lead,
Though Steele attempts to get them lost.
The team braves dangers that impede
But pushes on at any cost.
 
Managing to bridge the gulf
Between his dog and lupine sides,
Balto taps his inner wolf
And proves himself the best of guides.
 
At last, the sled team makes it home,
And Balto’s hailed a hero true.
He saved the kids and proved to Nome
Just what an underdog can do.
_____________________
 

Balto, the last of Spielberg’s Amblimation films, is not nearly as well known as that other classic 1995 cartoon Toy Story, but it is still a lesser classic that I fondly remember from my childhood. The characters are rather stereotypical (the misunderstood hero, the sympathetic girlfriend, the silly comic relief sidekick, the arrogant antagonist), yet most of them are both lovable and memorable, and the voice actors bring them to life. The best aspect of the movie is its placing these familiar archetypes within the real-life story of Nome’s 1925 diphtheria outbreak and the origin of the Iditarod sled race. The stakes are set high as Rosy’s health is shown declining, and, though anyone who knows the tale will find the ending predictable, the journey is nonetheless fun and exciting. The best scene is easily the avalanche/ice cave/stalactite part, which might have provided some inspiration for similar scenes in Ice Age. Its live action beginning and end also serve to make it unique.

That being said, the story is nowhere near historically accurate (Balto was a purebred Siberian Husky and only ran part of the distance to Nome); this makes Balto one of the multiple animated films that have indulged in revisionist history, such as Anastasia, The Road to El Dorado, and Pocahontas. Though the animation is better than previous Amblin productions, like An American Tail and The Land Before Time, it was not up to Disney’s standards at the time. Despite these flaws, including some very unrealistic elements (how on earth did that medicine not break?), Balto is an adventure that can be enjoyed by the whole family and certainly has been by mine.

Best line: (Boris the goose, after a harrowing escape) “Balto, I was so scared. I got people bumps.”

VC’s best line: (Boris again, with advice) “Let me tell you something, Balto. A dog cannot make this journey alone. But maybe a wolf can.”

 
Artistry: 4
Characters/Actors: 6
Entertainment: 6
Visual Effects: 4
Originality: 4
Watchability: 5
 
TOTAL: 29 out of 60
 

Tomorrow: #331: WarGames

© 2014 S. G. Liput