Category Archives: Movies

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005)

18 Tuesday Feb 2014

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The famous Willy Wonka is
A master in the chocolate biz.
This misanthrope of candy stars
Has hidden things in chocolate bars.
Five golden tickets are dispersed,
And thousands flock to be the first
To find them, for they mean, you see,
A tour of Wonka’s factory.
 
Poor Charlie Bucket is a waif
Who nonetheless feels warm and safe
Because he loves his family dear.
He’s sweet, kind-hearted, and sincere.
He sighs as kids around the earth
Discover tickets and their worth.
But then he spots some cash alone
And finds a ticket of his own.
 
The claimants bring their tickets in
To see what they have chanced to win.
They’re met by one disturbing song
And Wonka, who’s been shut up long.
He leads them through his wonderland
With lots of candy close at hand,
But quickly they all see he’s weird,
And one by one the crowd is cleared.
 
Augustus Gloop, a chocolate pig,
Is first to go because he’s big.
He falls into a chocolate stream
And makes a nightmare of a dream.
Within a pipe, he will not budge,
But soon he’s off to turn to fudge.
The rest then take a river ride
Past rooms where odd techniques reside.
 
Miss Violet Beauregard is next,
Succumbing to the strange effects
Of gum. She chews it, so unwary,
And swells into a Violetberry.
Veruca Salt (her parents’ fault)
Demands a squirrel, but an assault
Of nutty rodents throws the brat
Into a smelly garbage vat.
 
At last, the violent Mike Teavee
Becomes the world’s first transportee.
Because of Mike’s hostile high jinks,
He teleports but also shrinks.
With that, young Charlie’s left, and so,
With Wonka and with Grandpa Joe,
He’s overjoyed, and, moments later,
They soar in Wonka’s elevator.
 
Then Charlie learns the big surprise,
That Wonka’s factory is his prize.
But Charlie balks when he does find
He’ll have to leave his folks behind.
When Wonka doesn’t know what’s next,
With Charlie’s help, he reconnects
With Dad, a dentist off the grid
Who traumatized him as a kid.
 
So Wonka, in the end, relents
And learns what family represents.
He lets the Buckets move inside
The factory he built with pride,
And Charlie helps the chocolatier
With new ideas to pioneer,
And everyone lives happily
In Willy Wonka’s factory.
_____________________
 

I’m a big fan of the original Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, but I must admit that this remake improves on it in many ways. There is so much that rivals or exceeds its predecessor, from the casting of the bratty kids and showing their ultimate fates to the Oompa-Loompa-that-is-many to the extravagant special effects that bring the chocolate factory to life. The songs, drawn from the book and sung by the versatile Danny Elfman, are at least just as good as Willy Wonka’s ditties and, as performed by Deep Roy, are much more varied and entertaining. (These songs also inspired the meter for the above poem.) While I prefer the first film’s Grandpa Joe, I actually like Freddie Highmore as Charlie better than Peter Ostrum. The minute changes in his character make him more noble and sweet, such as insisting they sell the golden ticket to help with the family’s finances. Indeed, he is the main draw as far as characters are concerned, making the change in the title from Willy Wonka to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory fitting, especially because Willy Wonka is the film’s main hang-up.

I cannot get over how Johnny Depp (and, by extension, Tim Burton) ruins so many parts of this film. His portrayal of Willy Wonka as not just eccentric, but as an effeminate, traumatized weirdo makes me appreciate Gene Wilder’s performance even more. Every scene Depp is in, from his initial disturbing song introduction to his bizarre flashbacks, is undercut by his strange mannerisms and wimpy laugh. His eccentricity works in some roles, such as Captain Jack Sparrow, but here it’s just plain annoying and creepy. While I can appreciate the film despite Depp’s strangeness, my VC finds him and the overly bratty kids a little too hard to ignore and dislikes the film as a whole. Still, the great musical numbers, special effects, and endearing depiction of Charlie Bucket make Charlie and the Chocolate Factory the only Tim Burton film to make it on my list.

Best line: (Grandma Georgina, when the glass elevator lands in the middle of the Buckets’ residence) “I think there’s someone at the door.”

 
Artistry: 6
Characters/Actors: 6
Entertainment: 6
Visual Effects: 8
Originality: 7
Watchability: 5
Other (Johnny Depp’s weirdness): -8
 
TOTAL: 30 out of 60
 

Tomorrow: #316: Chicken Run

© 2014 S. G. Liput

 

Planet of the Apes (1968)

17 Monday Feb 2014

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Four astronauts learn what deep space is
And journey to faraway places.
One doubts his own worth
In a message to earth
Before joining the others in stasis.
 
When Taylor and Landon awake
With Dodge once they crash in a lake,
One’s died in her sleep
And then sinks to the deep,
And the ship they are quick to forsake.
 
A wasteland is all that awaits
For the three, who are in dire straits.
They journey and climb
For a very long time,
In search of their uncharted fates.
 
Their trek has brought them to this planet,
Two thousand years since they began it.
The cynical Taylor
Declares mankind’s failure.
It can’t get much worse now, or can it?
 
They locate a jungle and men,
Who are savage and voiceless, but then,
They’re ambushed and hunted
And chased and confronted
By apes in an overgrown glen.
 
First Landon is knocked out and caught,
And Dodge is unluckily shot.
They catch Taylor too,
But he cannot speak due
To a neck injury that he got.
 
He’s caged, but a keen chimpanzee
Named Zira is startled to see
That he’s trying to talk,
But the leaders all balk
When she thinks about setting him free.
 
She talks to Cornelius, her beau,
Who has theories that few others know
Of man’s contribution
To ape evolution
That leaders refuse him to show.
 
When Taylor gets out and tries fleeing
To guard, shall we say, his wellbeing,
Every ape simply gawks,
When he’s caught, but he talks!
This generates much disagreeing.
 
Cornelius and Zira are thrilled.
Dr. Zaius, a chief, wants him killed.
Considered a freak
All because he can speak,
Poor Taylor remains yet strong-willed.
 
He’s tried to determine his fate,
But it’s quite a one-sided debate.
They all want him slain
Or to cut up his brain,
Like Landon, who’s now a blank slate.
 
Cornelius and Zira as well
Are threatened and so they rebel.
Helping Taylor escape
From this land that’s gone ape,
They all flee to where no one can dwell.
 
But Zaius and soldiers give chase
To an ancient prohibited place.
Cornelius tries telling
His theories compelling,
But Zaius wants all proof erased.
 
While Taylor’s allies don’t defect,
He leaves with his girlfriend unchecked.
He learns on a dime
This was Earth the whole time:
There’s the Statue of Liberty, wrecked!
_________________________
 

Planet of the Apes is a classic of the sci-fi genre and features one of Charlton Heston’s many iconic roles. I haven’t given much attention to the recent remakes because, while they can hype the story up with more impressive special effects, they probably can’t capture the classic moments and themes like the original. The ending is now one of those unsurprising surprises, but still carries much of the weight it did when the film was first released in 1968. Though certainly not up to today’s standards, the simian make-up is still impressive for the time, and the film is strengthened by some unique camera angles, a fitting score, and some thought-provoking concepts. Rod Serling’s involvement as a writer is actually quite obvious, since it plays like an extended episode of The Twilight Zone, complete with the shocker climax.

All that being said, it is weak in other areas. Many sequences run on too long, from the three survivors journeying through the desert to the drawn-out chase scene when Taylor tries to escape. I also don’t really care for the screenplay obviously comparing the dogmatic orangutans to fundamentalist Christians during the reimagined “Monkey Trial.” Also, for all its uniqueness, I find the core notion similar to a portion of Gulliver’s Travels, in which Gulliver arrives on an island of intelligent horses who look down upon savage humans called Yahoos. Even so, Planet of the Apes offers an interesting juxtaposition of man and animal that still manages to be engaging and provocative decades after its initial release.

Best line (and a famous one): (Taylor) “Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!”

 
Artistry: 7
Characters/Actors: 6
Entertainment: 5
Visual Effects: 4
Originality: 7
Watchability: 5
Other (long, somewhat boring parts): -4
 
TOTAL: 30 out of 60
 

Tomorrow: #317: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

© 2014 S. G. Liput

Sneakers (1992)

16 Sunday Feb 2014

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,

Cosmo and Marty are two hacker friends,
Who mess with some funds in 1969.
While Marty is out getting pizza, the feds
Arrest his pal Cosmo, but Marty is fine.
 
After two decades pass, Marty now has a team,
Who help him break into unbreakable banks.
He then offers tips to help make them secure,
Creating a job from what used to be pranks.
 
People Marty’s recruited include Donald Crease,
An ex-CIA with a serious streak;
And “Mother”, a rampant conspiracy theorist,
Who happens to be a technology geek;
 
“Whistler,” a blind man with sensitive ears;
And Carl, who’s young but as sharp as a tack.
They all have had scrapes with the law in the past,
But Marty has helped get their lives back on track.
 
Two men commission the “Sneakers” to find
A cryptic black box for the vague NSA.
They know Marty’s past, which he’s tried to escape,
And offer to wipe his slate clean and to pay.
 
Marty and friends reconnoiter the room
Of Janek, a mathematician, and they
Discover the box he has worked to develop
And break in to spirit the gadget away.
 
Partying after their lucrative sneak,
They talk of the things they will buy with the cash,
But Whistler discovers the box decodes codes
And can break into any network in a flash.
 
Still trusting their clients, they drop off the box
But flee when they find out that Janek’s been slain.
Though Marty accuses the Russians of this,
Their consul is killed before he can explain.
 
Marty is kidnapped and thrown in a trunk
And meets his pal Cosmo he thought died in jail.
His friend then reveals his new mafia ties
And proves he’s gone nuts in his former travail.
 
Using the box to destabilize banks
And countries, he plans to let anarchy reign.
Once Cosmo frames Marty for both of those murders,
He frees him, that Marty may soon know his pain.
 
Needing the box as a bargaining chip,
The “sneakers” plan carefully for their next theft.
With clever techniques and some devious means,
They breach Cosmo’s lair with what time they have left.
 
After some close calls, the jig’s about up
With Marty at gunpoint and Cosmo uptight.
While Cosmo won’t kill him, he does get the box
But finds it’s a decoy once Marty takes flight.
 
Marty and company then arbitrate
With Abbott, a man with the real NSA.
With promises made, they hand over the box
But keep its processor for some rainy day.
__________________________
 

As I said in my review for Entrapment earlier, I’m not a big fan of caper films simply because of the criminal nature of most of their plotlines. However, Sneakers manages to sidestep that issue for the most part by allowing the likable characters to put their formerly nefarious skills to a legal use: breaking into banks and such in order to help their security. Thus, until the last scene, which unfortunately shows that the “sneakers” are not completely on the straight-and-narrow, they use their expertise for (supposedly) reputable organizations or later to escape crimes they were either tricked into committing or for which they were framed. The legality of it all is still rather hazy, but at least they weren’t doing it to steal money or the like.

Sneakers has one of the best underrated ensembles, and the clever and laugh-out-loud script provides good lines and moments for every character. Dan Aykroyd as the conspiracy-spouting “Mother” and Sidney Poitier as Crease, the straight man, play off each other quite well, and David Strathairn is memorable as the blind but ever perceptive “Whistler,” as is Ben Kingsley as Cosmo, even if the villain’s ultimate fate is left up in the air. River Phoenix and Mary McDonnell round out the well-developed cast. As far as my VC is concerned, Robert Redford is reason alone to see it, and she also likes the sophisticated saxophone soundtrack played by Branford Marsalis. I also love James Earl Jones’s cameo at the end.

On top of all this, the methods used by Marty’s team are fascinating, from Whistler’s knack for hearing exactly what’s going on in distant rooms to Mother’s slow-moving tactic for outsmarting motion sensors. The 22-year-old film even manages to be up-to-date by involving the NSA, which has been in the news of late; particularly timely is the fake NSA agent’s insistence that Marty “trust” them. Despite some language and innuendo, Sneakers is an excellent mix of suspense and humor and a worthy member of the caper genre and my list.

Best line: (“Whistler”, while the team makes its demands to the NSA at the end) “I want peace on earth and goodwill toward men.”  (Abbott) “We are the United States Government! We don’t do that sort of thing.”

 
Artistry: 5
Characters/Actors: 7
Entertainment: 7
Visual Effects: 4
Originality: 6
Watchability: 7
Other (language and innuendo): -6
 
TOTAL: 30 out of 60
 

Tomorrow: #318: The Planet of the Apes (1968)

© 2014 S. G. Liput

 

#320: The Killing Fields (1984)

15 Saturday Feb 2014

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When Vietnam was falling to
The ever-spreading Communists,
Cambodia was next in line,
Braved only by some journalists.
 
One such is Sydney Schanberg, who’s
A writer for The New York Times,
And risks his life to detail both
American and local crimes.
 
His translator and colleague is
Cambodian Dith Pran, who aids
Syd’s efforts to expose the truth,
But then the enemy invades.
 
The U.S. embassy bugs out
Before the Khmer Rouge arrive.
Pran sends his family away
But stays and hopes he will survive.
 
When Sydney and some others are
Arrested fast and violently,
It seems they might be executed
Until Pran helps set them free.
 
The French take in the group, but Pran
Must stay, a fate that’s undefined.
Despite a forged passport for him,
It fails, and Pran is left behind.
 
While Sydney rakes in accolades
For stories of his work abroad,
His friend is forced into a camp
Where freedom’s dead and so is God.
 
The leaders teach the children there
To hate and murder many men,
And those who miss their former lives
Are caught and never seen again.
 
An act of mercy sets Pran free
To flee through dangerous unknowns.
His daunting journey ushers him
Through fields of bodies, pits of bones.
 
Enduring hell for four long years,
Pran sights Thailand and knows he’ll live.
He reunites with Sydney too
And says there’s “nothing to forgive.”
_______________________
 

The Killing Fields is an undeniably powerful story of Communist brutality and the human will to survive. For having never acted before, Dr. Haing S. Ngor does an incredible job as the persistent Dith Pran, and his Oscar-winning role is the main draw for a movie that puts a spotlight on a sad time in history.

I could compare The Killing Fields to that more recent Oscar winner about ethnic suffering Slumdog Millionaire. Both are extremely well-made films, but the bulk of their running time is, quite honestly, difficult to watch, though the endings of both are supremely satisfying and almost make up for all the heartache that preceded. However, while Slumdog Millionaire presented the squalid conditions in India just for the sake of showing them, The Killing Fields manages to be exciting and more thought-provoking in the process. The scenes showing the characters at gunpoint are so unnerving that my heart couldn’t help but beat faster. Also, while there are certainly some gruesome scenes, including some shocking executions, the violence for the most part is comparatively restrained.

Such restraint does not carry over to the language department, and several characters, especially John Malkovich, let F-words and profanity just roll off their tongues. Also, while Pran and, to a lesser extent, Sydney are very sympathetic (if unwise for remaining in Cambodia), my VC pointed out that the majority of the secondary characters have little backstory or character development. As with many powerful films, including some higher up on this list, The Killing Fields may not be very entertaining, but it is a film that needs to be seen, if only as a reminder so that such atrocities are never repeated.

Best line: (Pran’s voiceover while in the camp) “The wind whispers of fear and hate. The war has killed love. And those that confess to the Angka are punished, and no one dare ask where they go. Here, only the silent survive.”

 
Artistry: 7
Characters/Actors: 9
Entertainment: 4
Visual Effects: 6
Originality: 7
Watchability: 4
Other (violence and language): -7
 
TOTAL: 30 out of 60
 

Tomorrow: #319: Sneakers

© 2014 S. G. Liput

Hitchcock (2012)

14 Friday Feb 2014

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Hitchcock is the undisputed “Master of Suspense,”
The biggest man in Hollywood (in almost every sense).
Fresh off another grand success, he wants something unique,
Not just another rehash of his former winning streak.
 
Then he finds a book called Psycho, quite a horrifying tale,
All about Ed Gein, who murdered on a most disturbing scale.
Deciding that this nut will be his next film’s inspiration,
He pours into the project his macabre imagination.
 
But the bigwigs up at Paramount think Hitch has lost his touch
And, despite his past successes, don’t support him very much.
They agree to distribution of his next film, if, that is,
He can find the needed funds for this bizarre project of his.
 
With the help of Alma Reville, his dear wife and confidante,
Hitchcock mortgages his home so he can finance this new jaunt.
He chooses Joe Stephano, whom he trusts to write the script,
And then Alma does the rewrites, though her credit’s often skipped.
 
With Janet Leigh to play the lead (who meets a grisly fate),
The famed director has the parts to make his movie great.
But Alma seems to always be with Whit, a writer friend,
And Hitchcock’s clearly bothered by this ever-distant trend.
 
But he himself has problems: He’s a shameless peeping tom,
And he ogles female’s photos; Alma knows it but stays calm.
With the censor being stubborn and his wife perhaps unchaste,
Hitchcock’s anger makes his body and his movie start to waste.
 
When he’s sick in bed, however, Alma steps up to the front
And directs in place of Hitch and films as he would want.
The final cut is less than great and stays that way until
Both Hitch and Alma reconcile and fix it with their skill.
 
The score in place, the censor soothed, at last his Psycho plays,
And, thanks to genius marketing, the crowds line up for days.
The shower scene is shocking but admired nonetheless,
And both Hitch and Alma celebrate their stunning shared success.
__________________________
 

The fact that a movie about the making of Psycho is higher placed than the film itself probably says more about me than about the merit of the two films. Psycho is a masterpiece of filmmaking and was totally unique when it was released in 1960, terrifying audiences across the nation simply because they didn’t know what to expect. Now, 54 years later, though, I must admit that it has lost some of its power. Probably because we have been jaded by ever-worsening violence, Psycho is still fascinatingly disturbing, but it’s not the most grandly horrifying thing ever filmed, as it was decades ago. Thus, with its most compelling parts diminished in that sense, much of the film is slow and dated, to be honest; therefore, Hitchcock manages to be more entertaining as a whole than the original.

Also, while Anthony Perkins was perfect as the deranged momma’s boy Norman Bates, the rest of the cast were just okay for the most part. In Hitchcock, just about every actor is at the top of their game, making it a definite Triple A movie, since it’s All About the Acting. Anthony Hopkins may not exactly look and sound like the great director, but he vanishes into the Oscar-worthy role just as much as he did in Silence of the Lambs. Helen Mirren is also wonderful as she brings Hitch’s long-suffering wife to life, and her impassioned rebuff during the couple’s big argument is one of the great soliloquies in recent films, leaving her husband and the audience utterly speechless. While the film is a rather kind treatment of Alfred Hitchcock, who would probably have just been a dirty old man without his great contributions to cinema, it is a compelling and ultimately sympathetic biopic of the man behind the silhouette.

Best line: (Hitchcock) “I’m under extraordinary pressures on this picture, and the least you can do is give me your full support.”  (Alma) “Full support! We’ve mortgaged our house! I’m your wife! I celebrate with you when the reviews are good. I cry for you when they are bad! I put up with all those people who look through me as if I were invisible because all they see is the great and glorious ALFRED HITCHCOCK!”

 
Artistry: 6
Characters/Actors: 9
Entertainment: 6
Visual Effects: N/A
Originality: 5
Watchability: 4
 
TOTAL: 30 out of 60
 

Tomorrow: #320: The Killing Fields

© 2014 S. G. Liput

Ice Age (2002) & Ice Age: The Meltdown (2006)

13 Thursday Feb 2014

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I recently sat down with Sid,
Diego, Manny, and Scrat too,
To ask them of the good ol’ days
In Ice Age, movies one and two.
 
Sid:
“Yeah, I was just fine by myself,
A single sloth all on my own.
Oh, sure, my family migrated
And left me in the tree alone.
 
And, yeah, I ticked some rhinos off
And made them want to crush my head.
That’s why I teamed with Manny here,
Since I prefer not being dead.
 
A mammoth’s good to have, you know,
When you’re the food chain’s bottom rung.
He seemed a little standoffish
And didn’t have the nicest tongue.
 
But then we found a human boy,
A baby, all forlorn and such.
And then, what’s more, Diego came
And seemed to want it very much.
 
I love the guy, but didn’t then.
(You know how sabretooths can be.)
Together, we all took the boy
To bring him to his family.
 
I thought it was a great road trip,
Our trio braving miles of snow.
Diego didn’t eat me too.”
Diego:
“Don’t think I wasn’t tempted though.
 
I’ll take it from this point now, Sid.
I led the way, since I could track.
My plan, though, was to lead our group
Back to my waiting sabre pack.
 
The human men had hunted us,
So vengeance was our only goal.
Yet, as I went, I grew to like
The ankle biter, on the whole.
 
And then when Manny saved my life,
I couldn’t trick them anymore.
I told the truth and all of us
Outfoxed my former pack, all four.
 
Though I was hurt, my buddies here
Returned the squirt without a word.
But I rejoined them afterward.
Our motley bunch was now a herd.”
 
Manny:
“I’ve asked myself why ever since.
It’s one long headache with these two,
Mainly Sid. Why, once he tried
To start a camp for kids. It’s true.
 
Of course, they would have buried him
If I had not been there to save
His sorry hide. That’s ‘bout the time
We almost met a watery grave.
 
The ice was melting all around.
We had to journey to a boat
Because a flood was coming soon,
And mammoths don’t exactly float.
 
See, I was feeling rather down.
I thought perhaps I was the last.
I once had had a family,
But that was in the painful past.
 
Then, Ellie dropped down from a tree,
Another mammoth! That was awesome.
And yet I was a bit perplexed
To see she thought she was a possum.
 
Apparently, she’d been alone,
And possums raised her from her youth.
Though first she was oblivious,
Eventually she saw the truth.
 
Her stubborn streak, and mine as well,
Got in the way of love at first.
But when the flood caught up to us,
I helped to get her through the worst.”
 
Scrat:
“All of you have had your time
To talk about your silly herd,
But I, through four whole Ice Age films
Have never said a single word.
 
But I feel I must say my peace.
I only ever sought a nut,
Which always has been swept away
By glaciers, floods, and who-knows-what!
 
I have been stepped on, shocked, and stretched,
Squished and thrown and frozen too,
That acorn still just out of reach.
I don’t know how I’ve lived; do you?
 
Why, I remember this here flood
These other three have spoken of.
I broke a wall to let it drain
And had a vision from above.
 
A lovely wonderland of nuts,
An acorn heaven void of strife,
Was to be mine, but then this sloth
Came by and brought me back to life!
 
I want a nut! Is that too much
For some filmmaker to arrange?
Why, even now it’s out of reach.
I tell ya, some things never change.”
__________________________
 

Ice Age is a franchise that has spanned a decade, and, while it may have gone on a bit too long for some people, there’s no denying the charm and entertainment value of the original. True, the animation is lackluster and the story is derivative, drawing from previous films like Dinosaur and Monsters, Inc., and it falls prey to the he’s-dead-no-wait-never-mind cliché. But, as with The Road to El Dorado, the main appeal is in the characters and their voice actors. Ray Romano as Manny, Denis Leary as Diego, and especially John Leguizamo as Sid become such endearing characters that it’s easy to see why the film spawned three sequels. Not to mention Scrat, one of the greatest slapstick characters of recent years.

I myself have only seen the first film and its immediate follow-up Ice Age: The Meltdown, which I like just about as much. Blue Sky Studios’ animation had greatly improved by then, and the action, laughs, and lovable characters were still plentiful, even if some elements are inexplicable, such as the existence of that MacGuffin of a Noah’s ark and the sudden appearance of the other mammoths at the end. I have thus grouped the films together since they are more of a piece than some franchises, but both films are definitely list-worthy.

I will also say at this point that this review marks the end of my long string of animated films. These films are all worthwhile, but I felt that better, more adult movies deserved a higher place. Thus, these were somewhat clumped together. Thanks to those still hanging with me.

Best line (from the first): (Manny, when Diego has Sid in his mouth) “Diego, spit that out. You don’t know where it’s been.” (Diego complies)
(Sid) “For a second there, I actually thought you were gonna eat me.” (Diego) “I don’t eat junk food.”

 

Artistry: 3
Characters/Actors: 8
Entertainment: 7
Visual Effects: 3
Originality: 3
Watchability: 6
 
TOTAL: 30 out of 60
 

Tomorrow: #321: Hitchcock

© 2014 S. G. Liput

 

The Road to El Dorado (2000)

12 Wednesday Feb 2014

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El Dorado is a city made, they say, of solid gold.
1519 is the year in which these escapades unfold,
In which two crooks make a journey to the New World from the Old.
 
Winning bets with loaded dice, Miguel and Tulio scam a map
Of the wonders of the New World from a less than pleasant chap.
When their cheating is discovered, they escape…into a trap.
 
Captives on Cortés’s vessel, they are baffled for a while,
Till Cortés’s horse Altivo lets them out in clever style.
All three end up in a lifeboat, floating mile after mile.
 
When they reach the New World’s beaches (with the map still close at hand),
They go on a grand adventure through this new, exotic land,
And they locate El Dorado, though not quite as they had planned.
 
They are taken to the city by the natives through a cave
And mistaken for two deities, omnipotent and brave,
So they play along and act as they think gods perhaps behave.
 
Chel, a native girl who’s willing to share all she knows about,
Sees the two are only faking, but agrees to help them out
If they also take her with them on their quick departure route.
 
Tannabok, the friendly chief, provides festivities that night,
While a priest named Tzekel-Kan thinks gods desire a bloody rite,
And his only wish is sacrificing everyone in sight.
 
Tulio just wants to lie low, but not so with brash Miguel.
He runs off into the city to have fun and thinks it’s swell,
While his partner Tulio begins to fall in love with Chel.
 
When an armadillo helps them win a hip-ball kind of sport,
Tzekel-Kan sees through their subterfuge and cuts their party short
By attacking with a giant metal jaguar of some sort.
 
Once he’s fallen in a whirlpool and has found Cortés to praise,
Our two heroes disagree and choose to go their separate ways.
Tulio decides to leave with Chel; his former buddy stays.
 
News arrives that Tzekel-Kan is guiding that conquistador
To the city, so the duo quickly gain back their rapport.
They want nobody to threaten El Dorado anymore.
 
So they sacrifice their gold and all the servants and the praise,
And they lock out Tzekel-Kan, Cortés, and all their violent ways,
And our heroes ride away to find another trail to blaze.
_______________________________
 

The Road to El Dorado is a musical adventure that attempts to be another Tarzan or Prince of Egypt, with some good music, exciting action, and some more mature content than most cartoons, but only halfway succeeds. It follows Tarzan’s example in having most of the Elton John/Tim Rice songs being sung by a singing narrator and only one number actually sung by the characters. While these songs are fun and enjoyable, they all end up sounding similar and don’t have the distinct memorableness of the artists’ work in The Lion King. Still, they clarify the mood for many scenes and complement the lively and colorful animation, which is almost as good as in the much more acclaimed The Prince of Egypt. The real pleasure of the film is in the two leads. Kenneth Branagh as Miguel and Kevin Kline as Tulio play off each other so well and their voices and unique inflections so fit their characters that the movie would suffer without them. They make some already humorous lines hilarious and turn the film into a “Road” movie worthy of Bob Hope and Bing Crosby’s classics.

While many reviewers objected to the weak plot and secondary characters, I take issue with its rewriting of history. The film presents the natives of El Dorado, who I can only assume are Aztecs, as peace-loving folk under the tyranny of a single bloodthirsty high priest. It lightly references the ritual killings of thousands of innocents and totally ignores the hostile lifestyle of the real Aztecs, who actively captured victims from neighboring areas for their sacrifices. Not to mention, there are some obvious flaws, such as Chel’s New York-ish accent, the isolated El Doradoans somehow speaking the same language as the visiting Spaniards, or the existence of a map to a legendary city that has supposedly never been discovered. Despite these weaknesses, The Road to El Dorado is another fun family film that, like many of the animated movies on the list lately, deserved a better box office turnout than it received.

Best line: (Tulio to Miguel) “The little voice, remember? Just imagine for a moment that you have one. Now, what would it be saying about Chel?”  (Miguel) “Um…” [he purrs romantically]

VC’s best line: (Tulio) “Your horse bit me in the butt!” (said as only Kevin Kline could say it)

 
Artistry: 4
Characters/Actors: 6
Entertainment: 6
Visual Effects: 6
Originality: 5
Watchability: 5
Other (aforementioned flaws): -2
 
TOTAL: 30 out of 60
 

Tomorrow: #322: Ice Age

© 2014 S. G. Liput

 

The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997)

11 Tuesday Feb 2014

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A wealthy family’s pleasure cruise becomes a new occasion
For horror and for trauma of the dinosaur persuasion.
So businessman John Hammond, who has learned from his mistakes(?)
Has decided to dispatch a team for his creations’ sakes.
 
He tells ol’ Ian Malcolm (you remember him, of course)
That some dinos have survived and somehow found a lysine source.
But John’s nephew Peter Ludlow wants to profit from the brutes
And remove them from an island, where the beasts have put down roots.
 
Malcolm tells John that he’s crazy when John offers him a spot
In a survey expedition that still has an open slot.
But when Malcolm learns his girlfriend is already part of it,
He departs to rescue Sarah, who is too headstrong to quit.
 
Though he finds her in one piece, he nonetheless is horrified
When he finds his daughter Kelly has, in secret, hitched a ride.
But then, once they’re all together, a whole helicopter fleet
Drops off Ludlow and his hunters, who are not at all discreet.
 
Malcolm, Sarah, and two others help to free the poachers’ prey
And they take a baby T. rex, who’s too hurt to run away.
While they try to heal the infant, Mom and Dad arrive on edge.
Once they have him, they then push our heroes’ trailer off a ledge.
 
All survivors band together, both the bad guys and the good,
And the body count starts rising, as most viewers knew it would.
One is stepped on; one just walks into an open mouth (which shuts);
One is nibbled by what’s equal to a thousand paper cuts.
 
Yet eventually, they make it to a radio that works,
But a male T. rex is captured as the villain Ludlow smirks.
He then has it shipped by freighter to a San Diego dock,
But the boat arrives by crashing and is lifeless, to his shock.
 
Then the T. rex male emerges, and he’s frankly mad as heck,
And his rampage through the streets leaves San Diego in a wreck.
But, with baby Rex, both Ian and his girlfriend lure the beast
To the ship again, where Ludlow ends up being Junior’s feast.
 
They return the giant creature and its child to the isle,
And mankind at least will try to keep his distance…for a while.
___________________________
 

The Lost World: Jurassic Park, which has an oddly flipped title for a sequel, has the same kind of thrills, chills, and kills that made the original such a success, but it’s missing something, namely intelligent characters. I mean, honestly, except for Ian, everyone is way too stupid to participate in such a dangerous mission. From wandering off too far to go to the bathroom to freaking out over a snake when a T. rex is right on top of them, the hunters are just plain dumb. One supposed expert tells everyone not to wander into the tall grass, but, when everyone else does in panic, he follows them and pays with his life! Even the Velociraptors are dumbed down, having apparently lost their ability to open doors.

Still, a clever script, restrained language, and some impressive, if somewhat violent, creature effects help to move the story along at a brisk pace, and the action sequence with the T. rexes attacking a trailer is particularly riveting. I also believe this one is better than the third film, which suffered from a short length and recycled plot elements. After all, in that one, Sam Neill was too stupid to wait for a check to clear before journeying to a dino-infested island, a mistake Vince Vaughn was at least smart enough to not make in this film. Also, Lost World manages some originality, which other films later drew from. The aforementioned “long grass” scene was reimagined with pygmies in 2001’s The Mummy Returns, and the line “There’s a dinosaur in our backyard” seems suspiciously similar to “There’s a monster outside my room, can I have a glass of water?” in 2002’s Signs. While not perfect, The Lost World is still a worthy addition to the Jurassic Park franchise, and, as for the original film, readers may see it somewhere higher up on the list.

Best line: (Malcolm to Ludlow) “When you try to sound like Hammond, it comes off as a hustle. I mean, it’s not your fault. They say talent skips a generation. So, I’m sure your kids will be sharp as tacks.”

 
Artistry: 5
Characters/Actors: 4
Entertainment: 6
Visual Effects: 6
Originality: 6
Watchability: 5
Other (language and violence): -3
 
TOTAL: 29 out of 60
 

Tomorrow: #323: The Road to El Dorado

© 2014 S. G. Liput

 

Doctor Dolittle (1967)

10 Monday Feb 2014

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In England, there’s a Doctor John Dolittle,
Who would rather be with animals than men.
He learns just how best to greet them
And comes up with ways to treat them,
And refuses too to eat them,
Though he’s tempted now and then.
 
This doctor earns the scorn of many people,
Such as Emma Fairfax, who believes him rude.
Emma’s uncle just abhors him,
Doctor Dolittle ignores them,
But one Matthew Mugg adores him,
Thinks the doctor’s wise and shrewd.
 
The good doctor seeks a giant pinkish sea snail,
Whose existence many scholars disbelieve.
Though he’s friend to fowl and bunny,
And the bees could offer honey,
All his patients don’t have money
So he can’t afford to leave.
 
Then a colleague ships to him a pushmi-pullyu,
Quite a rarity with two connected heads.
To the circus he displays it,
And they cannot help but praise it.
Any price, the public pays it,
And to John the money spreads.
 
Then the doctor sees a seal that seems unhappy;
She is homesick (this he knows because he heard her).
So he hides her with devotion,
And then, singing with emotion,
Doctor throws her in the ocean,
Which onlookers think is murder.
 
Though he proves that he is innocent of bloodshed,
An asylum still the justice recommends.
Of the charges, he’s acquitted,
But he’s nonetheless committed,
But his escorts are outwitted
By his animalian friends.
 
When the Doctor finds that Emma has decided
To go with them once their voyage has set sail,
He does not at first approve her,
But by then he can’t remove her,
So he thinks work will behoove her,
As he searches for the snail.
 
Once a thunderstorm destroys their flimsy vessel,
They all make it to a nearby floating isle.
Though each native’s educated,
All their laws are sadly dated,
And, for Dolittle, it’s stated
He must die in dreadful style.
 
But a whale he spoke with moves the floating island
Till it merges with the mainland once again.
There’s a ruling for this portent,
And it does not call for torment
So the punishment is shortened,
And they free the girl and men.
 
Doctor Dolittle then finds the fabled sea snail
And insists his friends go back beneath its dome.
News from home, for him, is splendid:
For his sake, beasts are offended
So his sentence is rescinded,
And he rides a moth back home.
___________________________
 

Doctor Dolittle is an old musical featuring Rex Harrison, not a forgettable Eddie Murphy comedy. This original 1967 version of Hugh Lofting’s classic book series comes closest to capturing the spirit of the books and manages to be a decent musical as well. True, Doctor Dolittle is nothing compared with other classic musicals, such as The Sound of Music, Oliver!, or even Rex Harrison’s My Fair Lady three years earlier.

The story tends to ramble and the Oscar-winning special effects look rather dated, but, nevertheless, it excels in one area in particular – the lyrics. Since I already love poetry, I enjoy musicals for their poetic use of lyrics to move a story along, and Doctor Dolittle definitely has some of the best. Whether delivering an ASPCA-worthy harangue over man’s inhumanity to animals (which inspired the above poem’s rhyme scheme) or crowing a jubilant ditty about the uniqueness of a two-headed llama (my favorite song in the film, sung by Richard Attenborough), lyricist Leslie Bricusse of Willy Wonka fame really outdid himself, and the songs well fit Anthony Newley’s Irish lilt and Rex Harrison’s speaking-with-rhythm style of singing. Granted, the slower tunes are less successful, like Samantha Eggar’s song and the song where the doctor realizes his (somewhat mismatched) feelings for Emma. The humorous script is also outstanding.

The best word to describe the film as a whole would be charming, even if it is a tad silly and overly long and a definite step down for the great Rex Harrison. My VC, on the other hand, loves almost everything about it, the film being a lifetime favorite of hers. Anthony Newley is particularly well cast, in her opinion. While there are many musicals I like better (as continuing readers will see), Doctor Dolittle definitely deserves a spot on my list.

Best line: (Dolittle) “If one place is as good as any other, it’s high time we decided. Otherwise when we get there, we won’t know we’ve arrived.” (a maddening line that could easily have been uttered by Captain Jack Sparrow)

 
Artistry: 4
Characters/Actors: 5
Entertainment: 5
Visual Effects: 3
Originality: 6
Watchability: 4
Other (songs): +2
 
TOTAL: 29 out of 60
 

Tomorrow: #324: The Lost World: Jurassic Park

© 2014 S. G. Liput

 

Rise of the Guardians (2012)

09 Sunday Feb 2014

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On a frigid winter’s night,
A boy arises from the ice.
He can’t remember anything,
But he can fly without a wing
And play with ice, but at a price:
No one sees him or his plight.
 
Years go by, and poor Jack Frost,
Who has not gained his memory back,
Causes blizzards, ice, and snow.
None believe in Jack Frost, though.
One day, Jack’s thrown in a sack,
And, through a portal, he is tossed.
 
Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy,
Easter Bunny and Sandman,
The Guardians of Childhood,
Protecting kids both bad and good,
Have summoned Jack to help their plan
And join their group so legendary.
 
The Boogeyman, Pitch Black’s returned
To threaten children everywhere.
The Moon has chosen Jack to be
A Guardian, surprisingly.
Jack doesn’t care for such fanfare
And tells them all he’s unconcerned.
 
Nonetheless, Jack tags along
When Tooth is raided by bad dreams
That Pitch has sent, so that the sprite
Cannot fulfill her rounds that night.
As morning gleams, to kids it seems
Their hopes for fairy gifts were wrong.
 
Tooth reveals kids’ memories
Are hidden in their pearly whites.
So Jack thinks, if they stop Pitch fast,
The teeth he stole will show Jack’s past.
The latter night, the whole team fights
To gather teeth, which one boy sees.
 
The Sandman falls to Pitch’s blade,
And, though they all help to prepare
For Easter, Pitch beguiles Jack
By giving him his ivories back,
And fills the hare with great despair
By crushing all the eggs he made.
 
Children round the world begin
To think our heroes are not real.
Their powers fade as Pitch’s grow,
And they cannot defeat the foe.
Pitch seals the deal with evil zeal,
Finds a hole, and drops Jack in.
 
There Jack opens up his tooth
And sees his boyhood way back when.
He fell and drowned beneath the lake,
For his fretting sister’s sake,
He saved her then, can save again,
And learns his purpose with this truth.
 
Helping children not to grieve,
The Guardian’s efforts start to pay.
Sandman returns to beat up Pitch,
On whom the tables start to switch.
His fears that day drag him away,
And all the kids can now believe.
_______________________
 

Another box-office disappointment on the list, Rise of the Guardians turns the most beloved characters of childhood imagination into a legendary A-Team. The CGI animation and voice acting are excellent, and the filmmaker’s own imaginations run wild with clever concepts applied to explain the “secrets” of these mythical Guardians. Such innovations include an army of hummingbird-like fairies to gather teeth for the Tooth Fairy, wormhole-producing snow globes to justify Santa’s one-night travel around the earth, and magical “tunnels” summoned by the Easter Bunny as if he had an Aperture portal gun. All these concepts and the fantastical worlds of the various characters are introduced at such a rapid pace most of the film just washes over the viewer, creating a sense of wonder, the obvious goal of the entire film.

I’ll admit that, for the most part, the climax seems to repeat what came before, and, by then, the prolonged scenes of “wonder” start to drag. After the poignant revelation of Jack’s tragic backstory, the action and wonder seem recycled from previous scenes, with the exception of Pitch being dragged to hell(?), a la Ghost. It also falls prey to a cliché I notice in a lot of movies, particularly animated ones: the he’s-dead-no-wait-never-mind conceit involving the Sandman. The most glaring fault, though, is that it completely ignores the true meaning of Easter and Christmas, mentioning “hope” and little else. Granted, the Man in the Moon stands in for God in many scenes and this is a secular film, but it seemed obvious that the filmmakers were trying to step around that elephant in the room.

Though the Tooth Fairy fares best in this regard, Rise of the Guardians creates a version of these characters, not the iconic version that it might have been. Still, with some funny lines, impressive animation, and that all-important foundation of wonder, it’s a worthy family film that should have performed better in theaters than it did.

Best line: (Santa) “Merry Christmas!”  (Easter Bunny) “Happy Easter!”  (Tooth Fairy) “And don’t forget to floss!”

 
Artistry: 5
Characters/Actors: 5
Entertainment: 5
Visual Effects: 9
Originality: 4
Watchability: 5
Other (ending drags) -4
 
TOTAL: 29 out of 60
 

Tomorrow: #325: Doctor Dolittle (1967)

© 2014 S. G. Liput