Monthly Archives: January 2014

Howl’s Moving Castle (2004)

11 Saturday Jan 2014

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Howl’s Moving Castle is set in a land that is normal but also enchanted,
Where battleships fly and where wizards and witches are feared and yet taken for granted.
This land’s on the verge of war mainly because a neighboring realm lost its prince.
Though some welcome war, a suave wizard named Howl can just shake his head and wince.
He once broke the heart of the Witch of the Waste and now she desires his own.
He rescues a hat girl named Sophie one day from her henchman, who seep out of stone.
An innocent bystander, shy and old-fashioned, young Sophie is cursed nonetheless
As a 90-year-old by the Witch of the Waste, who is gratified by her distress.
In the hope of removing her spell, Sophie goes to the Wastes on the outskirts of town;
There she rescues a scarecrow she names Turnip Head who’s bewitched and was trapped upside-down.
She then finds Howl’s castle, which walks on four legs, and, since she’s in places unmapped,
She enters and meets with a small fire demon named Calcifer, who’s also trapped.
The next day, she cleans the whole castle for Howl, who regrets her great zeal for the chore.
He later sends her in his stead to the king, who has summoned Howl there for the war.
Sophie goes and is joined by the Witch of the Waste, because she’s been invited as well,
But Sophie soon sees it’s a trap when the Witch is depowered and sapped by a spell.
Howl then comes to the rescue and helps them escape, and later, with Calcifer’s aid,
He magically transforms their home (now in town) to keep them all safe from a raid.
He flies as a bird every night to inhibit the warships that cause such destruction,
But Sophie’s afraid he’ll be terribly hurt by his treasonous wartime obstruction.
She removes Calcifer from the castle, which causes the whole cluttered thing to collapse,
But the Witch of the Waste thinks that Calcifer must have Howl’s heart, which can be hers perhaps.
In the chaos that follows, his fire is doused, and Sophie falls out on her own
And has an odd vision of Howl in his youth, which shows what before was unknown.
When she finds Howl and Calcifer, Sophie gives back the heart that Howl shared with the sprite.
This frees the fire demon and saves injured Howl and sets about everything right.
But also, then Turnip Head gets a small kiss from Sophie, which takes off his spell:
Turns out he’s the prince who had just disappeared so he bids the whole party farewell
And ends the dumb war; so then Sophie and Howl fly off, because all now is well.
_______________
 

Howl’s Moving Castle, Hayao Miyazaki’s followup to the more acclaimed Spirited Away, is a much more enjoyable film to watch, with imagination standing in for Spirited Away’s weirdness. This film is so ridiculously inventive and so beautifully drawn that I think it is more deserving of an Oscar than the one that did win. Plus, with its elderly protagonist and moving fortress, one can see how it inspired Pixar’s Up. The amazingly detailed scenes make Howl’s Moving Castle, along with the films of the Disney Renaissance, a high water mark for hand-drawn animation. My VC, who actually braved half of the movie before falling asleep, loved the gorgeous mountain scenery.

However, the plot stumbles irrevocably in the third act. All the interesting elements Miyazaki put together, from Turnip Head and the war to the Witch of the Waste’s desire for Howl’s heart, are just not resolved in a satisfying way. While it has an interesting take on war that I didn’t get when I first saw it (men turning themselves into monsters for their king and losing their humanity in the process), the war is resolved within seconds, making it all seem completely pointless, which may have been Miyazaki’s point. I also don’t care for the ambiguous talk about sorcery and demons being potentially good; maybe that makes more sense in Japan. With a time travel element that is poorly explained in the scheme of things and everything tied up in a nice little bow within the last five minutes, the end of Howl’s Moving Castle knocks it down to #356 on the list. Still, it’s well worth seeing, if only for the characters and visuals.

Best line: (Markl) “Are you sure you’re not a witch, Sophie?”  (Sophie) “Oh, yes, I’m the worst kind of witch ever, the kind that cleans.”

VC’s best line: “When you’re old, all you want to do is stare at the scenery.”
 
Artistry: 5
Characters/Actors: 7
Entertainment: 6
Visual Effects: 10
Originality: 7
Watchability: 5
Other (poor ending): -8
Other (ambiguous witchcraft): -5
 
TOTAL: 27 out of 60
 

Tomorrow: #354 – The Spongebob Squarepants Movie

© 2014 S. G. Liput

One Hundred and One Dalmatians (1961)

10 Friday Jan 2014

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Pongo is a bachelor, Dalmatian too by breed,
Who sees his human Roger has a very special need.
Without a female presence, all is apathy and sloth.
So the dog resolves to find some girls to satisfy them both.
He sees some in the park, and, though his plan does not excel,
Considering they marry, I would say it went quite well.
Now Roger’s a musician, mainly loved by wife Anita,
And Pongo soon has puppies with Anita’s dog Perdita.
With fifteen newborn puppies, they’re all jubilant until
A visit from Anita’s “friend” named Cruella De Vil.
Obsessed with furs, this smoking fiend insists she buy each pup,
But Roger’s firm, unyielding “No” just gets her dander up.
They all rejoice, although Cruella’s temper is enflamed,
And all the puppies grow a bit, though only six are named.
 
But then two robbers barge in once the couples both have left
And steal the pups for Cruella, who’s behind the awful theft.
Once human means bear no results, the dogs go to the park
And spread the word of what’s been stolen, through the twilight bark.
Through barks and woofs and howling too, the somber news is spread.
(They also get ‘most everyone in London out of bed.)
A ways away near Suffolk, once the dreadful news is heard,
A dog and cat investigate and find what was plundered,
The fifteen puppies, yes, but others, ninety-nine in fact,
All guarded by the thieves, who wait to do a heinous act.
Cruella’s stashed these puppies in this country house remote
To skin them all and have enough to make a dog-skin coat!
With help from Tibs the cat, they flee, but, when they’re almost caught,
Both Pongo and Perdita come, alerted of the plot.
Retreating through the snow, they try to lose the thieves outdoors
And finally escape upon a truck as Labradors.
Cruella and the thieves are left behind as they depart,
And all the dogs are welcomed by Anita and Roger’s heart.
They pledge to take the lot away and set up a plantation
For all one hundred one of their beloved new Dalmatians.
_____________
 

One Hundred and One Dalmatians has a very ‘50s/’60s feel to it, in addition to its many British colloquialisms which make it unique. The animation is in that “just okay” time period between Disney’s golden age and its Renaissance, but it’s obvious that much effort went into it, especially the scenes with all the puppies. As a cat lover, my favorite character is Sergeant Tibs, but everyone is likable, if not particularly memorable. And of course, Cruella De Vil is one of the classic Disney villains with a most vain and horrendous master plan, skinning dogs in the name of a spotted fur coat. Pure evil. The accompanying song also makes One Hundred and One Dalmatians a Disney classic, just not their best.

Best line: (Cruella) “You got any chloroform?”
(Jasper) “Not a drop.”
(Horace) “And no ether, ei-ther.”
(Jasper) “Eye-ther!”
(A fun riff on British pronunciations)
Artistry: 4
Characters/Actors: 5
Entertainment: 5
Visual Effects: 4
Originality: 4
Watchability: 5
 
TOTAL: 27 out of 60
 

Tomorrow: #355: Howl’s Moving Castle

© 2014 S. G. Liput

Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939)

09 Thursday Jan 2014

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Sam Foley, senator, suddenly dies,
And his state’s governor has to just improvise
When he’s caught between voters and James Taylor too,
A tycoon who owns him and says what to do.
They now need a stooge to replace dear old Sam,
Who won’t get in the way of a scandalous dam.
To avoid inquisitions and pleading the fifth,
They go with the unwitting Jefferson Smith.
 
Beloved by Boy Rangers, Smith seems quite the choice,
So naïve (they think) that he won’t have a voice.
While Taylor and most politicians are realists,
Jeff Smith is among the few wide-eyed idealists.    
Jeff goes on a tour when he comes to D.C.,
And leaves people searching for the green absentee.
He turns up at last at his office, unwary,
And meets a Miss Saunders, his own secretary.
He speaks with the press, but he loses his cool
When they twist his words, making him look like a fool.
Then Senator Paine, whom Jeff holds in esteem,
Suggests he should write a bill to realize his dream
Of a national boys’ camp set up by a stream.
 
Jeff writes it with Saunders, but Taylor’s men wilt
When they hear it’s the stream where that dam’s to be built.
Some scrutiny might just expose Taylor’s graft,
So he offers to bribe Jeff or give him the shaft.
When Jeff learns the truth and will not let it lie,
Paine, who’s in Taylor’s pocket, becomes the bad guy.
He lies to the Senate, accusing Smith wrongly
Of graft himself, spouting his calumny strongly.
Paine set Jeff up well, for his name is defamed,
And his anger and shock make him look most ashamed.
The Senate’s about to expel Smith to jail,
But Saunders and he will not let lies prevail.
Smith takes to the floor, and, with all he can muster,
He makes the truth known in a great filibuster.
Jeff’s boys fight for him against the Taylor machine,
Who won’t let the truth of Jeff’s speeches be seen.
Even when Jeff’s at the end of his rope,
When Paine has tried all to demolish his hope,
Smith says he’ll fight on, but he can’t help but wilt.
It’s then that Paine’s filled with such terrible guilt,
That he comes clean, insisting that Smith’s in the right.
Although he’s unconscious, Smith still wins the fight.
_________________
 

Considering that Mr. Smith Goes to Washington is one of the great 1939 movies and is in the top 30 on AFI’s list of the greatest films, it might seem strange for me to put it at #358. It’s a very well-made film, but, despite its exceptional cast and message, it angers me more than any film should. The scenes where Jeff is publicly shamed by Taylor’s lies enrage me because such things still happen in today’s politics, such as with Ted Cruz and Sarah Palin. This realism detracts from the film’s entertainment value and makes Paine’s sudden turnaround at the end unlikely and unrealistic. Nevertheless, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington is a classic of classics with a bravura performance from Jimmy Stewart. The powerful scenes at the Lincoln Memorial and during Smith’s filibuster are worth “the price of admission”, so to speak.

Best line: “Liberty is too precious a thing to be buried in books, Miss Saunders.” Amen!

VC’s best line: “You had faith in something bigger than that. You had plain, decent, everyday common rightness, and this country could use some of that.” Double Amen!!
 
Artistry: 7
Characters/Actors: 8
Entertainment:  5
Visual Effects: N/A
Originality: 5
Watchability: 4
Other (unrealistic ending): -2
 
TOTAL: 27 out of 60
 

Tomorrow: #356: One Hundred and One Dalmatians (1961)

© 2014 S. G. Liput

Panic Room (2002)

08 Wednesday Jan 2014

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Meg Altman, a divorcee, and daughter Sarah too
Are looking for apartments, and they go to see a few.
One spacious, multi-level dwelling catches their attention;
It has a hidden panic room for robbery prevention.
They stake their claim and move right in, but, on their premier night,
Three robbers, who don’t know they’re there, give Meg an awful fright.
She gets her daughter in the room, and, locked within its walls,
They watch on some surveillance screens the house’s rooms and halls.
The thieves attempt to break inside and fail, but do not leave.
It seems the panic room holds cash they came there to retrieve.
They try to gas the owners out; that plan comes down in flames.
(Before I go on anymore, I ought to give their names.)
The “mastermind” behind the crime is Junior, who lets out
There may be more to steal than he had told his pals about.
He tries to leave, but then Raoul, a psycho in a mask,
Shoots him dead and tells the other to get back to his task.
This Burnham, who installs these rooms, is just a desperate guy,
Who finds he’s in over his head but is forced to still comply.
When Meg’s ex-husband, whom she called before the line went dead,
Shows up, he’s taken prisoner and pummeled in the head.
When diabetic Sarah needs a shot of glucagon,
Meg tries to go retrieve it when she thinks the thieves are gone.
But that is when they sneak inside and now lock Meg without,
So she locks door, preparing only one departure route.
Once Burnham kindly gives the shot to Sarah, who responds,
He locates several million dollars’ worth of bearer bonds.
Raoul and he attempt to flee the home when Meg attacks,
But bad Raoul fights back and almost kills her in her tracks.
It’s Burnham, though, that saves them when he sees they won’t prevail.
That’s when police arrive and take the remaining thief to jail.
So in the end, the bonds are lost to both good and bad guy,
And Meg and Sarah seek another home (I wonder why).
________________
 

Since Panic Room is the first R-rated film on this list, I feel I must point out that I abhor foul language. I mention this because, in addition to several other profanities, there are about 70 F-bombs in Panic Room, every single one of which was totally unnecessary. As a Christian, profanity bothers me personally as an affront to God, but, as a film lover, I also think it cheapens the film as a whole, showing a lack of imagination on the part of the writers since they can’t think of anything better to say than F this and F that. All it does is alienate a potential audience (young people and people like me) and distract from what is otherwise an excellent film.

The plot is suspenseful throughout, especially whenever Meg ventures out of the panic room, but, what could easily have been a simply told tale of three robbers sitting outside a room trying to think of a way inside is given surprising depth, mainly from Forest Whitaker as Burnham, who never wanted anyone to get hurt. As the most sympathetic of the thieves (and in the end, the “hero”), he makes the audience sad that a guy just trying to take care of his kids made such poor choices. The other two get what’s coming to them as the real antagonists.

The cinematography and direction are superb with long computer-generated camera shots sweeping through walls and impossibly small spaces, creating a feeling analogous to the house, spacious yet simultaneously claustrophobic. Several parts are fascinating to watch, from the elevator scene when Meg initially tries to escape with Sarah, to the propane scene where the camera follows the ventilation shaft to the panic room. The characters are entirely believable as well, with Jodie Foster as a distressed but resourceful mother and Kristin Stewart proving she was a better actor before she grew up. Forest Whitaker is nevertheless the best thespian of the bunch.

All that said, it is not without flaws. Watching it, my VC and I couldn’t help but wonder why two people needed such a big “townstone” in the first place. Plus, the police rushing in at the last minute was poorly convenient with little explanation as to why they suddenly returned with a SWAT team. I also thought that it could have ended on a better note, perhaps with Meg thanking Burnham and Burnham apologizing. Still, despite the violence and language, it’s an excellent thriller. I first saw a cut version on TV, and I would suggest others see it that way. It’s much more entertaining without the foul mouths.

Best line: (Meg to Sarah) “It’s disgusting how much I love you.”
 
Artistry: 7
Characters/Actors: 6
Entertainment: 6
Visual Effects: 6
Originality: 4
Watchability: 5
Other (Language): -7
 
TOTAL: 27 out of 60
 

Tomorrow – #357: Mr. Smith Goes to Washington

© 2014 S. G. Liput

Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band (1978)

07 Tuesday Jan 2014

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In a European village called what else but Fleu de Coup
In the war, one Sergeant Pepper brought morale to every troop.
He and Lonely Hearts Club Band together (yes, this makes no sense)
Played their music in their wholesome town with magic instruments.
 
He died, but grandson Billy Shears has come to try his hand
With the Bee Gees as the new, more groovy Lonely Hearts Club Band.
In Heartland U.S.A, they play for good and decent crowds
And Billy’s girl, Strawberry Fields, looks on with head in clouds.
The band gets noticed by a wealthy record company
And travel to Los Angeles and get all wild and free.
They play some nifty Beatles tunes and shoot to sudden fame,
But back in Heartland U.S.A., things aren’t at all the same.
A mean old Mr. Mustard has corrupted that sweet town;
He’s working for some F.V.B. to bring all goodness down.
Strawberry comes to seek her man and friends at any cost
And find their stolen instruments before all hope is lost.
They locate them rather quickly and retrieve them one by one,
The cornet from Dr. Maxwell, the tuba from Father Sun.
They play a concert benefit for Heartland, then forthwith,
They fight the Future Villain Band (which sounds like Aerosmith).
Our heroes win, but Strawberry has the rotten luck to perish,
And Billy Shears is lost without his lovely girl to cherish.
He almost kills himself as well, but then a weathervane
Of Sgt. Pepper comes to life and sets things right again.
He brings Strawberry back to life and tries all wrongs to mend.
Then lots of famous people sing around the words “The End.”
________________
 

This really is an awful movie, so why do I like it? It’s corny, campy, horribly acted, terribly plotted, and just plain bad. And yet, it’s quite a piece of work to watch. Basically an excuse to cram as many Beatles songs as possible into a single film, there’s no dialogue, save for George Burns’s narration (which sounds a lot like Peter Falk in The Princess Bride). Peter Frampton plays Billy Shears, and it’s rather obvious why he and the Bee Gees never acted again. Sandy Farina is lovely as Strawberry Fields, while British comedian Frankie Howerd is over the top as Mean Mr. Mustard. Steve Martin’s humor shines, though, as a giddily wicked Dr. Maxwell.

But casting aside, the music is definitely what saves the film. Frampton and the Bee Gees have great harmony, and most of the songs are almost as good as the original versions, particularly “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds,” “A Day in the Life,” and “Here Comes the Sun.” I would even go so far as to say I like a few of the film’s versions better, like “Strawberry Fields,” “Come Together” (my VC’s favorite), and especially Billy Preston’s rendition of “Get Back.” On the other hand, the film also butchered a couple as well, such as “Because” whined out by Alice Cooper and the way overly long “I Want You.”

Despite its abundant flaws (I’m lookin’ at you, hokey female robots), all the goings on are obviously tongue-in-cheek and, if not hilarious, at least amusing throughout. Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band was not that “generation’s Gone with the Wind,” as producers had hoped, but it’s the only movie on this list that is so bad that it’s good.

Best line: George Burns says, after Billy is zapped by Father Sun’s electrical system, “Could Billy survive 10,000 volts? It was a lot more than normally came through his guitar. Frankly, he was shocked.” 🙂

 
Artistry: 1
Characters/Actors: 1
Entertainment: 7
Visual Effects: 1
Originality: 3
Watchability: 6
Other (Music): 7
 
TOTAL: 26 out of 60
 

Tomorrow – #358: Panic Room

© 2014 S. G. Liput

#360: Eragon (2006)

06 Monday Jan 2014

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In the land of Alagaesia (which you might have read about),
Noble Dragon Riders prospered till a traitor stamped them out.
Now this Galbatorix rules the kingdom with an iron fist,
While the Varden, freedom fighters, still have courage to resist.
 
A farmer lad named Eragon, while hunting, finds a stone,
Which turns out to be a dragon egg (whoever would have known?).
Their minds are linked by a single touch, which really rather hurt.
His dragon learns to fly and sprouts in one big growing spurt.
Saphira (that’s her name) takes Eragon upon her wing
And saves him when his farm’s attacked by Ra’zac from the king.
Then Brom, a storyteller, comes and spirits them away
And says the Varden need them now; besides, they cannot stay.
He trains the boy in fighting and in magic and in flight,
And they kill the dreaded Ra’zac in a thrilling forest fight.
But Eragon has visions of an elf who needs his aid,
So leaves to save this Arya from a strong and wicked Shade.
He finds her, yet his mentor Brom, who also was a Rider,
Is wounded, but Saphira comes, and they escape astride her.
When Brom is dead, and Arya needs some medical attention,
They find the Varden’s hideout (with a guy I didn’t mention).
The Varden greet the villain’s troops with arrow and with blade,
While Eragon and dragon too fight Durza (that’s the Shade).
They win, but both are badly hurt yet manage to survive,
And all sing songs about the two who’ve kept their hope alive.

________

Eragon was a divisive movie when it came out in 2006 because it wasn’t particularly well-received by critics or fans of the book, and, as a lover of the Inheritance cycle (pretty much everything except the end), I can see why. As a film adaptation, it moves as fast as it can through the source material, which is several hundred pages long, while glossing over the details that fans especially loved (no were-cat with Angela the fortune-teller, no romantic interest for Roran, no visit to Teirm or Dras-Leona). As a film by itself, it feels much too rushed, for the same reason mentioned above. So much happens in a short time that there’s little room for character development or anything that does not immediately add to the plot. Plus, the script is pretty poor, and, like Willow, the plot bears much resemblance to Star Wars.

All that being said, Eragon is not without its good points, which earn it inclusion on this list. The Hungarian scenery (as opposed to Peter Jackson’s New Zealand) is spectacular, and the special effects are fantastic, especially Saphira, the finest movie dragon till Smaug recently came on the scene. Although most of the cast is rather wasted with roles that should have been bigger (and were in the book), Jeremy Irons stands out as best embodying his character. His presence heightens every scene he’s in, making Brom’s death truly sad. Saphira’s carrying him aloft that he may die “as a Dragon Rider” was the one improvement over the book. Rachel Weisz’s lovely voice as Saphira also brings the dragon to life beautifully. Since the filmmakers obviously left some plot lines open, it’s a shame they never made the sequels into films.

My VC likes the film even more than I and would probably have it higher on her list.

Best line (not much good to choose from): “Better to ask forgiveness than permission.”

Artistry: 3
Characters/Actors: 3
Entertainment: 5
Visual Effects: 7
Originality: 2
Watchability: 6
TOTAL: 26 out of 60

Tomorrow – #359: Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band (yes, that’s right)

© 2014 S. G. Liput

Megamind (2010)

05 Sunday Jan 2014

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Megamind and Metro Man are aliens (from space),
Who are sent to Earth as babies so to join the human race,
Since their planets were demolished and their parents had the plan
Thus to save their little children (sounds a lot like Superman).
Metro Man’s a hero, since he lands in wealth and ease,
While jailbirds raise the other and pass on their expertise.
Megamind, head blue and swollen with a giant intellect,
Grows into a super-villain (what else would one expect?).
They face off time and time again, the hero and the sinner,
And, despite the latter’s brilliant mind, good always is the winner.
 
Until one day when evil wins (?!) and Metro Man is slain,
And Megamind (with sidekick Minion) celebrates his brain.
They cause some damage, wreak some havoc, but, when all is done,
Megamind feels strangely empty; by itself, bad isn’t fun.
He resolves to make a hero who can fill the empty void
And can bring him back the rivalry he always had enjoyed.
By accident, he gives the powers of his former foe
To Hal, a nerdy cameraman, and tells him what to know.
But the villain has a soft spot for one Roxanne Ritchi too,
A reporter who might like him if he wasn’t bad and blue.
 
Since Hal (who’s nicknamed Titan) is now someone not to pity,
He turns bad and lords his power over helpless Metro City.
It turns out Metro Man had faked his death some clever way.
He insists that he’s retired now and will not save the day.
It’s up to Megamind to prove, regardless of the past,
He can be more than a villain, yes, a hero at long last.
The day is saved, and Megamind gives hero work a whirl.
For the first time, he’s victorious and finally gets the girl.
 
____
 

I was pretty skeptical about Megamind since it was released without much fanfare, and the trailers didn’t look all that interesting. Still, having seen it twice now, it’s a much better movie than I had expected so it’s a shame it came and went so quickly. My VC was also pleasantly surprised since she wasn’t very keen on seeing it at all.

Granted, it isn’t Dreamworks’ best work, with characters and situations that, while humorous, aren’t really laugh-out-loud funny. Also, none of the action scenes really stick out as being noteworthy, aside from the impressive flinging of an entire tower.

Nevertheless, with decent animation, a catchy soundtrack aimed more at the parents than the kids, a wonderful voice cast (though I have no love for Will Ferrell, nor does my VC for Brad Pitt), and a pretty good moral (growing beyond how you were raised and who you thought you had to be), it’s certainly list-worthy.

Best line:  “What’s the good of being bad when there’s no one good to stop you?”

Artistry – 3
Characters/Actors – 4
Entertainment – 5
Visual Effects – 4
Originality – 5
Watchability – 5
 
TOTAL:  26 out of 60
 

Tomorrow:  #360 – Eragon

© 2014 S. G. Liput

Willow (1988)

04 Saturday Jan 2014

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Willow Ufgood is a hobbit—I mean Nelwyn—in a land
Where tall people called Daikinis will dismiss them out of hand.
In this world of tricks and fantasy, a baby girl is born
Who is destined to dethrone old Queen Bavmorda. Thus she’s sworn
That this child with the mark upon its arm will not outlive her,
But the girl is saved and sent adrift upon a rushing river.
Willow’s family finds the baby, and they keep her fed and clean,
Till it’s clear that she’s a danger, being wanted by the queen.
It’s decided then that Willow, though he’s weak and rather teeny,
Must take the child out and give her to the right Daikini.
(Before he leaves, the village sage, who gave to him this mission,
Lets Willow know he has a chance to be a great magician.)
 
The first Daikini Willow meets makes him wish to start again,
For it’s a scoundrel in a cage who calls himself Madmartigan.
When no one else will listen to a peck (a Nelwyn slur),
Willow gives the girl to him because he says he’ll care for her.
A brownie steals the girl from Mad (it wasn’t very hard),
And captures Willow too and puts him under tiny guard.
But then a fairy frees him (she is floating, ghostly sorta)
And says he must protect the girl from evil Queen Bavmorda.
He takes Elora Danan (that’s the girl if you haven’t guessed)
And meets with ol’ Madmartigan, who can’t resist a quest.
With two rambunctious brownies, Willow finds one Fin Raziel,
A sorceress enchanted as a possum by a spell.
They’re captured then by Sorsha, who’s the daughter of the queen,
But escape once in the mountains in a quite exciting scene.
Madmartigan and Sorsha, thanks in part to magic dust,
Find they each might love the other, whom they once held in disgust.
In a thrilling castle battle, the adventure won’t relent,
As they fight trolls and a dragon Willow makes by accident.
In spite of Sorsha’s joining them, Elora is abducted
By a general who takes her to Bavmorda, as instructed.
 
Willow, Sorsha, and Madmartigan, Raziel, some soldiers too
Travel to Bavmorda’s castle to at least attempt rescue.
There they try to think of some way to get past the enemy line,
But Bavmorda laughs at everyone and turns them into swine.
But Willow, who protects himself, now finally succeeds
In transforming Fin Raziel back to the human form she needs.
She cuts the animal army’s sudden transformation short,
And the next day, by a skillful bluff, they storm the enemy fort.
Though Bavmorda tries to send Elora to the netherworld,
Willow, Sorsha, and Raziel come in to save the baby girl.
When Bavmorda seems victorious and only Willow stands,
He employs a trick to make Elora vanish from his hands.
Bavmorda then is livid and attempts to cast a spell,
When lightning strikes her magic wand and sends the queen to…hell?
 
Thus Willow is the hero, and Elora’s safe and sound,
And Sorsha and Madmartigan share in love newfound.
Willow’s honored by his village for his part in their land’s freeing
And his chance to be the sorcerer he’s always dreamed of being.
______
 

Willow is an action-adventure-romance-comedy-fantasy, combining a story by George Lucas with Ron Howard’s direction. Having seen it again, it probably deserves a higher place on the list because it’s a pretty good member of the fantasy genre. Yet for all its exciting scenes and groundbreaking (at the time) special effects, it’s also strangely forgettable.

It’s really a great movie, with a lovely James Horner score and some terrific action scenes, particularly the snow toboggan sequence, which may have inspired a similar scene in Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas. And yet for all its apparent originality, it also feels rather derivative. Bavmorda’s campaign to kill a newborn monarch is reminiscent of King Herod in the Bible. Likewise, Elora’s being set adrift on the river recalls Moses in the basket. The banter about being heroes makes Willow and Meegosh sound like Sam and Frodo in The Lord of the Rings, while their capture by brownies mirrors a similar scene in Gulliver’s Travels. The Lord of the Rings especially feels like an inspiration (a small person comes upon something of great worth and must go on a quest, proving that no one is too small to be a hero).

George Lucas’s involvement offers another point of comparison that is more and more obvious when you think about it. It’s Star Wars meets Lord of the Rings, with a little Harry Potter thrown in long before J. K. Rowling began her series. Willow is Luke Skywalker, with sorcery standing in for the Force; Bavmorda is the seemingly unconquerable emperor; Madmartigan is the skillful, roguish Han Solo; the brownies are the comic relief droids; Airk is the friend-at-arms Lando; Fin Raziel is the elderly sage Obi-wan Kenobi; the two-headed dragon looks a little like the space worm in Empire Strikes Back; Kael with his skull helmet is Darth Vader (I almost expected Kael to start wheezing); and Sorsha is the princess Leia, though her changing from bad to good is a notable difference. (I did think that her turning against her mother just for the sake of love was a bit forced. An explicit moment of her realizing Bavmorda’s villainy would have been welcome.)

All that being said, Willow is an impressive precursor to modern fantasy and a testing ground for morphing technology, which was perfected in The Abyss and Terminator 2. The scenery is spectacular, and the score is nice, though not as memorable as others. The babies playing Elora Danan have adorable and very expressive faces that make for some hilarious looks. The brownies are both annoying and funny at once, offering cute characters for children, but the dragon’s head exploding makes Willow not quite kiddie fare. Still, as a fan of fantasy, I had to put it on the list.

Best line (from the brownies, of course): “Your mother was a lizard!”

Artistry: 4
Characters/Actors: 4
Entertainment: 6
Visual Effects: 4
Originality: 2
Watchability: 6
 
TOTAL: 26 out of 60
 

Tomorrow – #361: Megamind

© 2014 S. G. Liput

Millennium Actress (2001)

03 Friday Jan 2014

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Chiyoko Fujiwara is an actress of renown,
Whose star once shone out brightly but for decades has been down.
She lives now in seclusion in the home where she withdrew
Till a filmmaker named Genya comes to seek an interview.
He’s a fan of all her movies, and they settle down to talk,
As the cameraman records them and encounters quite a shock.
As Chiyoko tells the duo of her years of love and strife,
They see the woman’s memories appear and come to life.
They see her as a girl and, through her memories, relive
The time she met a handsome man, a wanted fugitive,
An artist, whom she helped escape, who left behind a key
To something quite important, but he leaves it with her free.
 
So to find him, she decided that an actress she would be,
In the hopes that she might see him and return his precious key.
She later sees the artist, not too long before the war,
Arrested and imprisoned by an agent with a scar.
Though she’s separated from him, she still acts and keeps her hope.
Through the wartime desolation, that small key helps her to cope.
In her movies, she’s a woman, pining for her absent men,
Roles that mirror her desire to be with him once again.
But she grows yet ever older, and she cannot find him still;
She is haunted by the possibility she never will.
After marriage, she misplaces the key given by her prince,
And then steps out of the limelight for the three long decades since.
But Genya used to work at the same studio as she
And found it and is there now to return her missing key.
He remembers how the scarred man that Chiyoko did despise
Had once come there to tearfully try to apologize.
Chiyoko did not know it, but Genya heard him say
That the scarred man killed the artist all those years ago that day.
 
An earthquake sends the actress to a lone hospital room,
And the doctors give to Genya no good news, only gloom.
Chiyoko then thanks Genya for returning the old key,
Which opened up a quite important thing, her memory.
And, like an astronaut role Genya was so fond of,
She launches in a spaceship in search of her lost love.
______________

Millennium Actress is probably the weirdest movie on this list. It is a Japanese anime, which I’ve only seen with subtitles, that combines the present-day interviewers with Chiyoko’s past and mixes in her film roles such that it is hard to distinguish fact from fiction. Seeing it for the second time, I was better able to understand what was going on and the depth it carried, though some scenes went on too long, and there is a lot of running.

Anime is a touchy subject in my family. I grew up on “Pokémon” and “Yu-Gi-Oh!,” but have since gotten tired of the childish cartoons with silly faces and constant yelling. I do like Hayao Miyazaki’s films, one of which is the point of contention over anime. When Spirited Away won an Academy Award for Best Animated Feature, my mom and dad and I saw it, expecting great things and were turned off by the bizarreness of the characters and circumstances. I have since gotten over it, but my parents have not. My VC also has sworn off Japanese animation, so she didn’t see Millennium Actress with me.

Millennium Actress, which came out the same year as Spirited Away, also has many weird elements, but the weirdness succeeds in making it unique rather than bizarre. I’d rather have a cameraman being in the middle of a flashback (and commenting on the fact) in this movie than green decapitated heads rolling around a bathhouse of spirits in Spirited Away. (For the record, I would have preferred Treasure Planet win the Oscar that year. Spirited Away was not Miyazaki’s best, but I guess they gave him the Oscar for his whole body of work.)

I will separate Millennium Actress’s artistry from its animation, since they’re on completely different levels. The story being told is one of lost love and searching for the unattainable, using metaphors and previous events in a way that heightens the emotions and is often quite beautiful (though I liked the cameraman’s funny comments throughout, which kept Millennium Actress from getting too serious). The Madhouse animation, on the other hand, is just okay. It’s obvious that more effort went into certain scenes, such as the train station scene and the “carriage ride through time,” while many crowd scenes have only one character moving while all the background characters are frozen. Still, it was good enough to evoke the requisite emotions felt by the characters.

Despite my preference for more serious anime, I’m also not a fan of gratuitously violent cartoons that are sadly abundant in Japan. I was very wary of Millennium Actress at first since its director Satoshi Kon was previously known for the gory Perfect Blue, which I have no desire to see. Still, I’m glad I gave Actress a try because Kon used considerable restraint, not including any extreme content. Kon died of pancreatic cancer in 2010 at the age of 46, and it’s a shame more of his films weren’t as relatively clean as this one.

Lastly, I just want to mention my End Credits Song Hall of Fame, where great music over the end credits will be celebrated. The score overall was pretty good, but the credits song “Rotation” is excellent head-banging music, even if the lyrics are in Japanese and don’t mean much even when translated.

Best line (and last line): “After all, it’s the chasing after him I really love.” (one of my favorites)

Artistry – 8
Characters – 3
Entertainment – 3
Visual Effects – 2
Originality – 7
Watchability – 2
TOTAL:  25 out of 60
 

Tomorrow – #362: Willow

© 2014 S. G. Liput

The Devil Wears Prada (2006)

02 Thursday Jan 2014

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The Devil Wears Prada not only concerns
A vain fashionista and those whom she spurns;
It’s also about how worldly demands
Can distract from the fact that our fate’s in our hands.
 
Andrea Sachs needs a job in Manhattan,
Which she finds with the Meryl Streep version of Patton,
Miranda Priestly; what more can one say
Of the editor-in-chief of the Vogue-like Runway?
Poor Andy must cope at the chic magazine
As the new co-assistant of Streep the ice queen.
She’s at first overwhelmed; there’s no training or such.
All the calls and demands are quite simply too much.
Emily Charlton, her fellow assistant,
Does not assist her, but Andy’s persistent.
At last when she’s sick of the insults and hurt,
Of being continually treated like dirt,
She chooses to join them, the fashion-crazed crowd,
And after some months, her wardrobe’s well-endowed.
She makes some mistakes, but corrects them with style,
And soon is experienced and versatile.
But as her star rises (and Emily’s falls),
She puts off her beau for Miranda’s phone calls.
She flirts with a writer, an arrogant fop,
And finds she’s depressed even though she’s on top.
 
Miranda decides to bring Andy along
To Paris for fashion week, but something’s wrong.
She doesn’t want Emily; Andy’s preferred.
Sachs can either be fired or pass on the word.
She chooses to go, but, while there, finds out
That Miranda will soon be replaced, no doubt.
She fails telling her, but then sees to her shock
That Miranda knew well in advance of such talk
And will stay there in power, but part of her plan
Involved crushing the dreams of her own right-hand man.
That’s when Andy sees that she’s on the wrong side
And casts her coveted position aside.
And when she goes elsewhere for her vocation,
She finds from Miranda a recommendation.
Miranda may not quite agree with her choice,
But still she respects Andy using her voice.
So Emily returns to Miranda’s good graces,
And Andy is free to choose where her own place is.

_____

Review:

Let me just preface this review by saying that I know literally nothing about fashion. Most of the clothes and names in this movie meant nothing to me, and, if the people involved with them are anything like the characters, I want it to stay that way. The Devil Wears Prada is a comedy with some drama and romance mixed in for good measure, and it is mainly on the list for its valuable moral lesson.

Concerning its artistic merit, it’s certainly a clean, well-made film which is surprisingly down-to-earth, despite the imperiousness of most of the characters. Some of the best scenes are the musical montages, particularly the opening with “Suddenly I See” (one of those songs that just won’t get out of my head), and an incredibly fluid scene involving multiple wardrobe changes with Andy walking to work (over several days).

The characters are the main sticking point with The Devil Wears Prada. As the title suggests, Miranda Priestly (Meryl Streep) is cruel, vain, manipulative, and derogatory to nearly everyone she meets. Emily Charlton (Emily Blunt) and Nigel (Stanley Tucci) aren’t much better, with their constant jabs and insults of Andrea’s clothes and clothing size. The main high point is Anne Hathaway as Andy, who remains relatable throughout, even while alienating her boyfriend. With the patience of Job, she is a model of persistence in difficult circumstances, but, when she realizes how close she’s come to becoming like Miranda herself, she has the good sense to get out while she can. I will say that the actors do an excellent job with their roles, evoking myriad emotions (much more successfully than most of the actors in Thor did), but the simple fact is that, even when we’re meant to feel sorry for the characters, it’s a bit hard to get over the fact that they’re all still stuck-up snobs.

Entertainment value is another issue, again due to the characters. Who can say that watching someone getting insulted for over an hour is entertaining? There are some funny scenes, but, since I don’t usually find insults humorous, the comedy was hit-and-miss.

There were no notable visual effects that I could see. So aside from the aforementioned walk-to-work scene, that’s a moot point.

While it’s based on a novel by Lauren Weisberger (which I have not read), I thought it made quite a good jump to the screen, so that’s a plus for originality. I enjoyed the relative lack of sexual scenes and language, though they had to throw in a little profanity and suggestive dialogue to get the PG-13 rating.

As far as watchability, it falls short in my book. As I said, all the insults don’t make it a movie I’d want to see often, but Andy’s forsaking of her path to darkness was a great scene that made it all worthwhile.

 

Best line: Miranda – “You’re very fetching, so go fetch.” (Perfectly sums up Andy’s transformation)

VC’s favorite line: Andy – “I’m trying to get you a flight, but no one is flying out because of the weather [hurricane].”   Miranda – “Please.  It’s just–I don’t know–drizzling [huge thunderclap, palm trees wildly waving in the background].”

Artistry – 3
Characters/Actors – 5
Entertainment – 2
Visual Effects – 2
Originality – 4
Watchability – 3
Other (Moral) – 6
TOTAL:  25 out of 60

Tomorrow — #363: Millennium Actress

© 2014 S. G. Liput