American Graffiti (1973)

20 Thursday Feb 2014

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The year of this tale is 1962,
And many remember it fondly; do you?
The young Curtis Henderson and his pal Steve
Are planning tomorrow to finally leave
Modesto for college as two cool hot shots,
But Curt, unlike Steve, has some real second thoughts.
 
Steve’s dating Curt’s sister, but Laurie’s withdrawn 
When Steve wants to date other girls while he’s gone.
Steve loans his Impala to Terry the “Toad,”
A nerd who will care for his ride on the road.
There’s also John Milner, a local skirt-chaser,
Whose yellow deuce coupe makes him quite a good racer.
 
First, Terry the “Toad” begins cruising the street
And picks up a girl who seems shallow but neat.
He lies to this Debbie and says it’s his car,
And his fictions of grandeur are working so far.
At Debbie’s insistence, he gets some hard booze
From a liquor store thief who has nothing to lose.
 
Both Terry and Debbie go parking, but soon
The Impala gets swiped by the light of the moon.
They regain their wheels when they get back in town,
But Steve takes it right back to track Laurie down.
The “Toad” tells the truth about all that he’d done,
But Debbie decides that they both still had fun.
****
Meanwhile, Steve’s having some issues with Laurie,
Who’s mad over Steve’s plans of college-bound glory.
She wants him to stay so that he can stay hers.
At the sock hop, she snubs him, and feuding occurs.
He woos her somewhat, but it’s soon clear to him
That their love, if he leaves, will look more and more grim.
 
When Laurie gets mad, she kicks Steve from her car
And hitches a ride with a new racing star.
She sits with Bob Falfa, who races ol’ John.
When his car overturns, she is angry and wan.
But Steve, who has gotten his car back from “Toad,”
Consoles her and says he will not hit the road.
****
Meanwhile, John Milner is going through heck
When he picks up a 12-year-old pain-in-the-neck.
Young Carol wants action that she rarely gets.
Not letting John leave her, she keeps making threats
That she’ll scream or cry rape if he won’t let her stay,
So he does, and some fondness grows from his dismay.
 
They trash someone’s car for a water balloon,
And cruise around town by the street lights and moon.
John drives her home, though she at first had objected,
By offering more “action” than she’d expected.
He then races Falfa, who crashes with style
But survives, and John knows he’s still king for a while.
****
Meanwhile, Curt doubts if he should leave so fast,
But he sees a cute blonde in a T-bird drive past.
For the rest of the night, he obsesses about
That girl, and his longing replaces his doubt.
He also becomes a hostage for a time
By the Pharaohs, a gang that he helps with a crime.
 
Curt earns their respect, as uncouth as they are,
And rips the rear axle right off a cop car.
When freed, he then visits the great Wolfman Jack,
The famous DJ, who is glad to give back.
The Wolfman says hi for him over the air
To that blonde who he thinks is listening somewhere.
 
Curt gets a brief call from this girl he has dreamed,
But she stays as elusive as she ever seemed.
In the end, he decides to fly off and leave town,
And below is the T-bird when Curt glances down.
Curt leaves, and Steve stays, and “Toad” scores, and John wins,
And they’ll each have that night as their new life begins.
_______________________
 

American Graffiti is a classic, plain and simple, and it is a perfect snapshot of what it meant to be a teenager in 1962, at least seen through the eyes of the pre-Star Wars George Lucas. Starring many marvelous before-they-were-famous actors, the casting is perfect, with Ron Howard as Opie – I mean Steve –, Richard Dreyfuss as Mr. Holland – I mean Curt –, Cindy Williams as Shirley – I mean Laurie –, and Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones – I mean Bob Falfa. Charles Martin Smith, Candy Clark, and Mackenzie Phillips also shine in roles perfectly suited for them. Much of the film’s realism is owed to George Lucas, who left in several apparent goofs in order for the proceedings to seem more believable. His editing is also wonderful, switching seamlessly between the four stories that I had to separate in order to translate into a coherent poem.

The main issue once again is the language, which seems a bit more frequent than I would expect for 1962, even if the moral carryover from the ‘50s was dying out. Watching several scenes, such as John Milner and Carol attacking the car of the water balloon culprit, I also can’t help but think how juvenile many events in the film are. Still, it is that youthful immaturity that is so fondly remembered by those who recall those days of cruising and parking. These two matters are the only real drawbacks of a film that has one of the best soundtracks ever, made up of pre-Beatles rock ‘n’ roll, and is deservedly on many other top film lists as well.

Best line: (Debbie, at the end of the night) “I really had a good time. I mean, you picked me up, and we got some hard stuff, saw a holdup, and then we went to the canal, you got your car stolen, and then I got to watch you get sick. And then, you got in this really bitchin’ fight. I really had a good time.”  (Terry the “Toad”) “Yeah, well, I guess I have a pretty good time just about every night.”

 
Artistry: 8
Characters/Actors: 9
Entertainment: 6
Visual Effects: 3
Originality: 7
Watchability: 5
Other (language and immaturity): -8
 
TOTAL: 30 out of 60
 

Tomorrow: #314: The Secret of Kells

© 2014 S. G. Liput

 

Chicken Run (2000)

19 Wednesday Feb 2014

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Within the Tweedys’ chicken farm,
The chickens aren’t content to scrape.
They know they’ll only come to harm,
And so they always plan escape.
 
When all their tactics go awry,
Their leader Ginger gets the blame.
She never hesitates to try,
But all her schemes end up the same.
 
The failure’s hard on everyone,
Until a rooster falls with style
Into the Tweedys’ chicken run
And brings to Ginger’s face a smile.
 
This Yankee rooster Rocky Rhodes,
Although his wing is rather bruised,
Becomes their proof that other modes
Of getting out can still be used.
 
Though Rocky’s cocky (and it shows),
The chicks are awed that he can fly.
He says he’ll teach them all he knows,
If Ginger hides him, so they try.
 
The circus rooster guides them through
Some odd and silly exercise.
Days later, none seem closer to
Their plan of taking to the skies.
 
Although the hens had always been
Producing eggs the Tweedys sold,
Their owners’ profits have grown thin,
And selling eggs has gotten old.
 
So Mrs. Tweedy sees an ad
And buys a giant loud machine.
Since loud machines are always bad,
The chicks don’t know what it may mean.
 
The Tweedys’ plan is chicken pies,
And they choose Ginger on a whim!
But Rocky saves her, or he tries,
And Ginger ends up saving him.
 
They sabotage the pie machine
And buy themselves some time to fly.
They practice harder, still unseen,
Since no one wants to be a pie.
 
But Rocky knows the truth of it
And leaves the chicken run that night.
When he departs, he does admit
A cannon helped him with his “flight.”
 
At first, the chickens feud and cry,
But Ginger has one last idea.
They build a plane to help them fly,
Their much-awaited panacea.
 
Once the Tweedys have repaired
Their tool, they try to stop their hens.
But Rocky comes back undeclared
And helps to save his threatened friends.
 
So Mrs. Tweedy’s caught inside
A giant gravy mushroom cloud,
While all the chickens now reside
In open spaces, free and proud.
_____________________
 

Unlike many of the poorly received animated films on my list recently, Chicken Run was quite a success and is currently the highest grossing stop-motion feature. Fusing parodies of old POW movies like The Great Escape with an untold number of chicken-related puns, the film creates a surprisingly fresh and funny take on material that could have devolved into unentertaining silliness. Chicken Run stars Mel Gibson (before his descent from popularity) along with a host of less familiar British actors who, along with the skilled puppeteers, create unique and lovable characters out of clay figurines. I also love the score by the great Harry Gregson-Williams and John Powell, which is more instantly recognizable than memorable.

While the animation is seamless, it’s a tad distracting in its unrealism. Unlike real chickens, more “meat” is put into the animated chickens’ thighs rather than their breasts (for obvious reasons, considering it’s a family film), and my VC doesn’t care for Aardman Animations’ habit of giving the characters large mouths that stick out on either side. Despite this, with a hilarious script and some instantly classic scenes, such as the trip through the pie machine, Chicken Run is my favorite stop-motion film, outdoing other works like Wallace and Gromit and The Pirates: Band of Misfits, which are good and entertaining but can’t rival the imaginative genius of this film.

Best line: [the plane is being dragged down by Mrs. Tweedy] (Ginger) “Great Scott, what was that?” (the Scottish hen Mac, after a string of Star Trek references) “A cling-on, Cap’n, and the engines can’t take it.”
 
VC’s best lines (she can’t make up her mind): (Ginger) “Listen. We’ll either die free chickens or we die trying.”  (Babs) “Are those the only choices?”
and
(Bunty, the negative hen) “Oh, face the facts, ducks. The chances of us getting out of here are a million to one.”  (Ginger) “Then there’s still a chance.” 

 

Artistry: 4
Characters/Actors: 6
Entertainment: 7
Visual Effects: 7
Originality: 5
Watchability: 6
Other (aforementioned look of the animation): -5
 
TOTAL: 30 out of 60
 

Tomorrow: #315: American Graffiti

© 2014 S. G. Liput

 

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005)

18 Tuesday Feb 2014

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The famous Willy Wonka is
A master in the chocolate biz.
This misanthrope of candy stars
Has hidden things in chocolate bars.
Five golden tickets are dispersed,
And thousands flock to be the first
To find them, for they mean, you see,
A tour of Wonka’s factory.
 
Poor Charlie Bucket is a waif
Who nonetheless feels warm and safe
Because he loves his family dear.
He’s sweet, kind-hearted, and sincere.
He sighs as kids around the earth
Discover tickets and their worth.
But then he spots some cash alone
And finds a ticket of his own.
 
The claimants bring their tickets in
To see what they have chanced to win.
They’re met by one disturbing song
And Wonka, who’s been shut up long.
He leads them through his wonderland
With lots of candy close at hand,
But quickly they all see he’s weird,
And one by one the crowd is cleared.
 
Augustus Gloop, a chocolate pig,
Is first to go because he’s big.
He falls into a chocolate stream
And makes a nightmare of a dream.
Within a pipe, he will not budge,
But soon he’s off to turn to fudge.
The rest then take a river ride
Past rooms where odd techniques reside.
 
Miss Violet Beauregard is next,
Succumbing to the strange effects
Of gum. She chews it, so unwary,
And swells into a Violetberry.
Veruca Salt (her parents’ fault)
Demands a squirrel, but an assault
Of nutty rodents throws the brat
Into a smelly garbage vat.
 
At last, the violent Mike Teavee
Becomes the world’s first transportee.
Because of Mike’s hostile high jinks,
He teleports but also shrinks.
With that, young Charlie’s left, and so,
With Wonka and with Grandpa Joe,
He’s overjoyed, and, moments later,
They soar in Wonka’s elevator.
 
Then Charlie learns the big surprise,
That Wonka’s factory is his prize.
But Charlie balks when he does find
He’ll have to leave his folks behind.
When Wonka doesn’t know what’s next,
With Charlie’s help, he reconnects
With Dad, a dentist off the grid
Who traumatized him as a kid.
 
So Wonka, in the end, relents
And learns what family represents.
He lets the Buckets move inside
The factory he built with pride,
And Charlie helps the chocolatier
With new ideas to pioneer,
And everyone lives happily
In Willy Wonka’s factory.
_____________________
 

I’m a big fan of the original Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, but I must admit that this remake improves on it in many ways. There is so much that rivals or exceeds its predecessor, from the casting of the bratty kids and showing their ultimate fates to the Oompa-Loompa-that-is-many to the extravagant special effects that bring the chocolate factory to life. The songs, drawn from the book and sung by the versatile Danny Elfman, are at least just as good as Willy Wonka’s ditties and, as performed by Deep Roy, are much more varied and entertaining. (These songs also inspired the meter for the above poem.) While I prefer the first film’s Grandpa Joe, I actually like Freddie Highmore as Charlie better than Peter Ostrum. The minute changes in his character make him more noble and sweet, such as insisting they sell the golden ticket to help with the family’s finances. Indeed, he is the main draw as far as characters are concerned, making the change in the title from Willy Wonka to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory fitting, especially because Willy Wonka is the film’s main hang-up.

I cannot get over how Johnny Depp (and, by extension, Tim Burton) ruins so many parts of this film. His portrayal of Willy Wonka as not just eccentric, but as an effeminate, traumatized weirdo makes me appreciate Gene Wilder’s performance even more. Every scene Depp is in, from his initial disturbing song introduction to his bizarre flashbacks, is undercut by his strange mannerisms and wimpy laugh. His eccentricity works in some roles, such as Captain Jack Sparrow, but here it’s just plain annoying and creepy. While I can appreciate the film despite Depp’s strangeness, my VC finds him and the overly bratty kids a little too hard to ignore and dislikes the film as a whole. Still, the great musical numbers, special effects, and endearing depiction of Charlie Bucket make Charlie and the Chocolate Factory the only Tim Burton film to make it on my list.

Best line: (Grandma Georgina, when the glass elevator lands in the middle of the Buckets’ residence) “I think there’s someone at the door.”

 
Artistry: 6
Characters/Actors: 6
Entertainment: 6
Visual Effects: 8
Originality: 7
Watchability: 5
Other (Johnny Depp’s weirdness): -8
 
TOTAL: 30 out of 60
 

Tomorrow: #316: Chicken Run

© 2014 S. G. Liput

 

Planet of the Apes (1968)

17 Monday Feb 2014

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Four astronauts learn what deep space is
And journey to faraway places.
One doubts his own worth
In a message to earth
Before joining the others in stasis.
 
When Taylor and Landon awake
With Dodge once they crash in a lake,
One’s died in her sleep
And then sinks to the deep,
And the ship they are quick to forsake.
 
A wasteland is all that awaits
For the three, who are in dire straits.
They journey and climb
For a very long time,
In search of their uncharted fates.
 
Their trek has brought them to this planet,
Two thousand years since they began it.
The cynical Taylor
Declares mankind’s failure.
It can’t get much worse now, or can it?
 
They locate a jungle and men,
Who are savage and voiceless, but then,
They’re ambushed and hunted
And chased and confronted
By apes in an overgrown glen.
 
First Landon is knocked out and caught,
And Dodge is unluckily shot.
They catch Taylor too,
But he cannot speak due
To a neck injury that he got.
 
He’s caged, but a keen chimpanzee
Named Zira is startled to see
That he’s trying to talk,
But the leaders all balk
When she thinks about setting him free.
 
She talks to Cornelius, her beau,
Who has theories that few others know
Of man’s contribution
To ape evolution
That leaders refuse him to show.
 
When Taylor gets out and tries fleeing
To guard, shall we say, his wellbeing,
Every ape simply gawks,
When he’s caught, but he talks!
This generates much disagreeing.
 
Cornelius and Zira are thrilled.
Dr. Zaius, a chief, wants him killed.
Considered a freak
All because he can speak,
Poor Taylor remains yet strong-willed.
 
He’s tried to determine his fate,
But it’s quite a one-sided debate.
They all want him slain
Or to cut up his brain,
Like Landon, who’s now a blank slate.
 
Cornelius and Zira as well
Are threatened and so they rebel.
Helping Taylor escape
From this land that’s gone ape,
They all flee to where no one can dwell.
 
But Zaius and soldiers give chase
To an ancient prohibited place.
Cornelius tries telling
His theories compelling,
But Zaius wants all proof erased.
 
While Taylor’s allies don’t defect,
He leaves with his girlfriend unchecked.
He learns on a dime
This was Earth the whole time:
There’s the Statue of Liberty, wrecked!
_________________________
 

Planet of the Apes is a classic of the sci-fi genre and features one of Charlton Heston’s many iconic roles. I haven’t given much attention to the recent remakes because, while they can hype the story up with more impressive special effects, they probably can’t capture the classic moments and themes like the original. The ending is now one of those unsurprising surprises, but still carries much of the weight it did when the film was first released in 1968. Though certainly not up to today’s standards, the simian make-up is still impressive for the time, and the film is strengthened by some unique camera angles, a fitting score, and some thought-provoking concepts. Rod Serling’s involvement as a writer is actually quite obvious, since it plays like an extended episode of The Twilight Zone, complete with the shocker climax.

All that being said, it is weak in other areas. Many sequences run on too long, from the three survivors journeying through the desert to the drawn-out chase scene when Taylor tries to escape. I also don’t really care for the screenplay obviously comparing the dogmatic orangutans to fundamentalist Christians during the reimagined “Monkey Trial.” Also, for all its uniqueness, I find the core notion similar to a portion of Gulliver’s Travels, in which Gulliver arrives on an island of intelligent horses who look down upon savage humans called Yahoos. Even so, Planet of the Apes offers an interesting juxtaposition of man and animal that still manages to be engaging and provocative decades after its initial release.

Best line (and a famous one): (Taylor) “Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!”

 
Artistry: 7
Characters/Actors: 6
Entertainment: 5
Visual Effects: 4
Originality: 7
Watchability: 5
Other (long, somewhat boring parts): -4
 
TOTAL: 30 out of 60
 

Tomorrow: #317: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

© 2014 S. G. Liput

Sneakers (1992)

16 Sunday Feb 2014

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Cosmo and Marty are two hacker friends,
Who mess with some funds in 1969.
While Marty is out getting pizza, the feds
Arrest his pal Cosmo, but Marty is fine.
 
After two decades pass, Marty now has a team,
Who help him break into unbreakable banks.
He then offers tips to help make them secure,
Creating a job from what used to be pranks.
 
People Marty’s recruited include Donald Crease,
An ex-CIA with a serious streak;
And “Mother”, a rampant conspiracy theorist,
Who happens to be a technology geek;
 
“Whistler,” a blind man with sensitive ears;
And Carl, who’s young but as sharp as a tack.
They all have had scrapes with the law in the past,
But Marty has helped get their lives back on track.
 
Two men commission the “Sneakers” to find
A cryptic black box for the vague NSA.
They know Marty’s past, which he’s tried to escape,
And offer to wipe his slate clean and to pay.
 
Marty and friends reconnoiter the room
Of Janek, a mathematician, and they
Discover the box he has worked to develop
And break in to spirit the gadget away.
 
Partying after their lucrative sneak,
They talk of the things they will buy with the cash,
But Whistler discovers the box decodes codes
And can break into any network in a flash.
 
Still trusting their clients, they drop off the box
But flee when they find out that Janek’s been slain.
Though Marty accuses the Russians of this,
Their consul is killed before he can explain.
 
Marty is kidnapped and thrown in a trunk
And meets his pal Cosmo he thought died in jail.
His friend then reveals his new mafia ties
And proves he’s gone nuts in his former travail.
 
Using the box to destabilize banks
And countries, he plans to let anarchy reign.
Once Cosmo frames Marty for both of those murders,
He frees him, that Marty may soon know his pain.
 
Needing the box as a bargaining chip,
The “sneakers” plan carefully for their next theft.
With clever techniques and some devious means,
They breach Cosmo’s lair with what time they have left.
 
After some close calls, the jig’s about up
With Marty at gunpoint and Cosmo uptight.
While Cosmo won’t kill him, he does get the box
But finds it’s a decoy once Marty takes flight.
 
Marty and company then arbitrate
With Abbott, a man with the real NSA.
With promises made, they hand over the box
But keep its processor for some rainy day.
__________________________
 

As I said in my review for Entrapment earlier, I’m not a big fan of caper films simply because of the criminal nature of most of their plotlines. However, Sneakers manages to sidestep that issue for the most part by allowing the likable characters to put their formerly nefarious skills to a legal use: breaking into banks and such in order to help their security. Thus, until the last scene, which unfortunately shows that the “sneakers” are not completely on the straight-and-narrow, they use their expertise for (supposedly) reputable organizations or later to escape crimes they were either tricked into committing or for which they were framed. The legality of it all is still rather hazy, but at least they weren’t doing it to steal money or the like.

Sneakers has one of the best underrated ensembles, and the clever and laugh-out-loud script provides good lines and moments for every character. Dan Aykroyd as the conspiracy-spouting “Mother” and Sidney Poitier as Crease, the straight man, play off each other quite well, and David Strathairn is memorable as the blind but ever perceptive “Whistler,” as is Ben Kingsley as Cosmo, even if the villain’s ultimate fate is left up in the air. River Phoenix and Mary McDonnell round out the well-developed cast. As far as my VC is concerned, Robert Redford is reason alone to see it, and she also likes the sophisticated saxophone soundtrack played by Branford Marsalis. I also love James Earl Jones’s cameo at the end.

On top of all this, the methods used by Marty’s team are fascinating, from Whistler’s knack for hearing exactly what’s going on in distant rooms to Mother’s slow-moving tactic for outsmarting motion sensors. The 22-year-old film even manages to be up-to-date by involving the NSA, which has been in the news of late; particularly timely is the fake NSA agent’s insistence that Marty “trust” them. Despite some language and innuendo, Sneakers is an excellent mix of suspense and humor and a worthy member of the caper genre and my list.

Best line: (“Whistler”, while the team makes its demands to the NSA at the end) “I want peace on earth and goodwill toward men.”  (Abbott) “We are the United States Government! We don’t do that sort of thing.”

 
Artistry: 5
Characters/Actors: 7
Entertainment: 7
Visual Effects: 4
Originality: 6
Watchability: 7
Other (language and innuendo): -6
 
TOTAL: 30 out of 60
 

Tomorrow: #318: The Planet of the Apes (1968)

© 2014 S. G. Liput

 

#320: The Killing Fields (1984)

15 Saturday Feb 2014

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When Vietnam was falling to
The ever-spreading Communists,
Cambodia was next in line,
Braved only by some journalists.
 
One such is Sydney Schanberg, who’s
A writer for The New York Times,
And risks his life to detail both
American and local crimes.
 
His translator and colleague is
Cambodian Dith Pran, who aids
Syd’s efforts to expose the truth,
But then the enemy invades.
 
The U.S. embassy bugs out
Before the Khmer Rouge arrive.
Pran sends his family away
But stays and hopes he will survive.
 
When Sydney and some others are
Arrested fast and violently,
It seems they might be executed
Until Pran helps set them free.
 
The French take in the group, but Pran
Must stay, a fate that’s undefined.
Despite a forged passport for him,
It fails, and Pran is left behind.
 
While Sydney rakes in accolades
For stories of his work abroad,
His friend is forced into a camp
Where freedom’s dead and so is God.
 
The leaders teach the children there
To hate and murder many men,
And those who miss their former lives
Are caught and never seen again.
 
An act of mercy sets Pran free
To flee through dangerous unknowns.
His daunting journey ushers him
Through fields of bodies, pits of bones.
 
Enduring hell for four long years,
Pran sights Thailand and knows he’ll live.
He reunites with Sydney too
And says there’s “nothing to forgive.”
_______________________
 

The Killing Fields is an undeniably powerful story of Communist brutality and the human will to survive. For having never acted before, Dr. Haing S. Ngor does an incredible job as the persistent Dith Pran, and his Oscar-winning role is the main draw for a movie that puts a spotlight on a sad time in history.

I could compare The Killing Fields to that more recent Oscar winner about ethnic suffering Slumdog Millionaire. Both are extremely well-made films, but the bulk of their running time is, quite honestly, difficult to watch, though the endings of both are supremely satisfying and almost make up for all the heartache that preceded. However, while Slumdog Millionaire presented the squalid conditions in India just for the sake of showing them, The Killing Fields manages to be exciting and more thought-provoking in the process. The scenes showing the characters at gunpoint are so unnerving that my heart couldn’t help but beat faster. Also, while there are certainly some gruesome scenes, including some shocking executions, the violence for the most part is comparatively restrained.

Such restraint does not carry over to the language department, and several characters, especially John Malkovich, let F-words and profanity just roll off their tongues. Also, while Pran and, to a lesser extent, Sydney are very sympathetic (if unwise for remaining in Cambodia), my VC pointed out that the majority of the secondary characters have little backstory or character development. As with many powerful films, including some higher up on this list, The Killing Fields may not be very entertaining, but it is a film that needs to be seen, if only as a reminder so that such atrocities are never repeated.

Best line: (Pran’s voiceover while in the camp) “The wind whispers of fear and hate. The war has killed love. And those that confess to the Angka are punished, and no one dare ask where they go. Here, only the silent survive.”

 
Artistry: 7
Characters/Actors: 9
Entertainment: 4
Visual Effects: 6
Originality: 7
Watchability: 4
Other (violence and language): -7
 
TOTAL: 30 out of 60
 

Tomorrow: #319: Sneakers

© 2014 S. G. Liput

Hitchcock (2012)

14 Friday Feb 2014

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Hitchcock is the undisputed “Master of Suspense,”
The biggest man in Hollywood (in almost every sense).
Fresh off another grand success, he wants something unique,
Not just another rehash of his former winning streak.
 
Then he finds a book called Psycho, quite a horrifying tale,
All about Ed Gein, who murdered on a most disturbing scale.
Deciding that this nut will be his next film’s inspiration,
He pours into the project his macabre imagination.
 
But the bigwigs up at Paramount think Hitch has lost his touch
And, despite his past successes, don’t support him very much.
They agree to distribution of his next film, if, that is,
He can find the needed funds for this bizarre project of his.
 
With the help of Alma Reville, his dear wife and confidante,
Hitchcock mortgages his home so he can finance this new jaunt.
He chooses Joe Stephano, whom he trusts to write the script,
And then Alma does the rewrites, though her credit’s often skipped.
 
With Janet Leigh to play the lead (who meets a grisly fate),
The famed director has the parts to make his movie great.
But Alma seems to always be with Whit, a writer friend,
And Hitchcock’s clearly bothered by this ever-distant trend.
 
But he himself has problems: He’s a shameless peeping tom,
And he ogles female’s photos; Alma knows it but stays calm.
With the censor being stubborn and his wife perhaps unchaste,
Hitchcock’s anger makes his body and his movie start to waste.
 
When he’s sick in bed, however, Alma steps up to the front
And directs in place of Hitch and films as he would want.
The final cut is less than great and stays that way until
Both Hitch and Alma reconcile and fix it with their skill.
 
The score in place, the censor soothed, at last his Psycho plays,
And, thanks to genius marketing, the crowds line up for days.
The shower scene is shocking but admired nonetheless,
And both Hitch and Alma celebrate their stunning shared success.
__________________________
 

The fact that a movie about the making of Psycho is higher placed than the film itself probably says more about me than about the merit of the two films. Psycho is a masterpiece of filmmaking and was totally unique when it was released in 1960, terrifying audiences across the nation simply because they didn’t know what to expect. Now, 54 years later, though, I must admit that it has lost some of its power. Probably because we have been jaded by ever-worsening violence, Psycho is still fascinatingly disturbing, but it’s not the most grandly horrifying thing ever filmed, as it was decades ago. Thus, with its most compelling parts diminished in that sense, much of the film is slow and dated, to be honest; therefore, Hitchcock manages to be more entertaining as a whole than the original.

Also, while Anthony Perkins was perfect as the deranged momma’s boy Norman Bates, the rest of the cast were just okay for the most part. In Hitchcock, just about every actor is at the top of their game, making it a definite Triple A movie, since it’s All About the Acting. Anthony Hopkins may not exactly look and sound like the great director, but he vanishes into the Oscar-worthy role just as much as he did in Silence of the Lambs. Helen Mirren is also wonderful as she brings Hitch’s long-suffering wife to life, and her impassioned rebuff during the couple’s big argument is one of the great soliloquies in recent films, leaving her husband and the audience utterly speechless. While the film is a rather kind treatment of Alfred Hitchcock, who would probably have just been a dirty old man without his great contributions to cinema, it is a compelling and ultimately sympathetic biopic of the man behind the silhouette.

Best line: (Hitchcock) “I’m under extraordinary pressures on this picture, and the least you can do is give me your full support.”  (Alma) “Full support! We’ve mortgaged our house! I’m your wife! I celebrate with you when the reviews are good. I cry for you when they are bad! I put up with all those people who look through me as if I were invisible because all they see is the great and glorious ALFRED HITCHCOCK!”

 
Artistry: 6
Characters/Actors: 9
Entertainment: 6
Visual Effects: N/A
Originality: 5
Watchability: 4
 
TOTAL: 30 out of 60
 

Tomorrow: #320: The Killing Fields

© 2014 S. G. Liput

Ice Age (2002) & Ice Age: The Meltdown (2006)

13 Thursday Feb 2014

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I recently sat down with Sid,
Diego, Manny, and Scrat too,
To ask them of the good ol’ days
In Ice Age, movies one and two.
 
Sid:
“Yeah, I was just fine by myself,
A single sloth all on my own.
Oh, sure, my family migrated
And left me in the tree alone.
 
And, yeah, I ticked some rhinos off
And made them want to crush my head.
That’s why I teamed with Manny here,
Since I prefer not being dead.
 
A mammoth’s good to have, you know,
When you’re the food chain’s bottom rung.
He seemed a little standoffish
And didn’t have the nicest tongue.
 
But then we found a human boy,
A baby, all forlorn and such.
And then, what’s more, Diego came
And seemed to want it very much.
 
I love the guy, but didn’t then.
(You know how sabretooths can be.)
Together, we all took the boy
To bring him to his family.
 
I thought it was a great road trip,
Our trio braving miles of snow.
Diego didn’t eat me too.”
Diego:
“Don’t think I wasn’t tempted though.
 
I’ll take it from this point now, Sid.
I led the way, since I could track.
My plan, though, was to lead our group
Back to my waiting sabre pack.
 
The human men had hunted us,
So vengeance was our only goal.
Yet, as I went, I grew to like
The ankle biter, on the whole.
 
And then when Manny saved my life,
I couldn’t trick them anymore.
I told the truth and all of us
Outfoxed my former pack, all four.
 
Though I was hurt, my buddies here
Returned the squirt without a word.
But I rejoined them afterward.
Our motley bunch was now a herd.”
 
Manny:
“I’ve asked myself why ever since.
It’s one long headache with these two,
Mainly Sid. Why, once he tried
To start a camp for kids. It’s true.
 
Of course, they would have buried him
If I had not been there to save
His sorry hide. That’s ‘bout the time
We almost met a watery grave.
 
The ice was melting all around.
We had to journey to a boat
Because a flood was coming soon,
And mammoths don’t exactly float.
 
See, I was feeling rather down.
I thought perhaps I was the last.
I once had had a family,
But that was in the painful past.
 
Then, Ellie dropped down from a tree,
Another mammoth! That was awesome.
And yet I was a bit perplexed
To see she thought she was a possum.
 
Apparently, she’d been alone,
And possums raised her from her youth.
Though first she was oblivious,
Eventually she saw the truth.
 
Her stubborn streak, and mine as well,
Got in the way of love at first.
But when the flood caught up to us,
I helped to get her through the worst.”
 
Scrat:
“All of you have had your time
To talk about your silly herd,
But I, through four whole Ice Age films
Have never said a single word.
 
But I feel I must say my peace.
I only ever sought a nut,
Which always has been swept away
By glaciers, floods, and who-knows-what!
 
I have been stepped on, shocked, and stretched,
Squished and thrown and frozen too,
That acorn still just out of reach.
I don’t know how I’ve lived; do you?
 
Why, I remember this here flood
These other three have spoken of.
I broke a wall to let it drain
And had a vision from above.
 
A lovely wonderland of nuts,
An acorn heaven void of strife,
Was to be mine, but then this sloth
Came by and brought me back to life!
 
I want a nut! Is that too much
For some filmmaker to arrange?
Why, even now it’s out of reach.
I tell ya, some things never change.”
__________________________
 

Ice Age is a franchise that has spanned a decade, and, while it may have gone on a bit too long for some people, there’s no denying the charm and entertainment value of the original. True, the animation is lackluster and the story is derivative, drawing from previous films like Dinosaur and Monsters, Inc., and it falls prey to the he’s-dead-no-wait-never-mind cliché. But, as with The Road to El Dorado, the main appeal is in the characters and their voice actors. Ray Romano as Manny, Denis Leary as Diego, and especially John Leguizamo as Sid become such endearing characters that it’s easy to see why the film spawned three sequels. Not to mention Scrat, one of the greatest slapstick characters of recent years.

I myself have only seen the first film and its immediate follow-up Ice Age: The Meltdown, which I like just about as much. Blue Sky Studios’ animation had greatly improved by then, and the action, laughs, and lovable characters were still plentiful, even if some elements are inexplicable, such as the existence of that MacGuffin of a Noah’s ark and the sudden appearance of the other mammoths at the end. I have thus grouped the films together since they are more of a piece than some franchises, but both films are definitely list-worthy.

I will also say at this point that this review marks the end of my long string of animated films. These films are all worthwhile, but I felt that better, more adult movies deserved a higher place. Thus, these were somewhat clumped together. Thanks to those still hanging with me.

Best line (from the first): (Manny, when Diego has Sid in his mouth) “Diego, spit that out. You don’t know where it’s been.” (Diego complies)
(Sid) “For a second there, I actually thought you were gonna eat me.” (Diego) “I don’t eat junk food.”

 

Artistry: 3
Characters/Actors: 8
Entertainment: 7
Visual Effects: 3
Originality: 3
Watchability: 6
 
TOTAL: 30 out of 60
 

Tomorrow: #321: Hitchcock

© 2014 S. G. Liput

 

The Road to El Dorado (2000)

12 Wednesday Feb 2014

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El Dorado is a city made, they say, of solid gold.
1519 is the year in which these escapades unfold,
In which two crooks make a journey to the New World from the Old.
 
Winning bets with loaded dice, Miguel and Tulio scam a map
Of the wonders of the New World from a less than pleasant chap.
When their cheating is discovered, they escape…into a trap.
 
Captives on Cortés’s vessel, they are baffled for a while,
Till Cortés’s horse Altivo lets them out in clever style.
All three end up in a lifeboat, floating mile after mile.
 
When they reach the New World’s beaches (with the map still close at hand),
They go on a grand adventure through this new, exotic land,
And they locate El Dorado, though not quite as they had planned.
 
They are taken to the city by the natives through a cave
And mistaken for two deities, omnipotent and brave,
So they play along and act as they think gods perhaps behave.
 
Chel, a native girl who’s willing to share all she knows about,
Sees the two are only faking, but agrees to help them out
If they also take her with them on their quick departure route.
 
Tannabok, the friendly chief, provides festivities that night,
While a priest named Tzekel-Kan thinks gods desire a bloody rite,
And his only wish is sacrificing everyone in sight.
 
Tulio just wants to lie low, but not so with brash Miguel.
He runs off into the city to have fun and thinks it’s swell,
While his partner Tulio begins to fall in love with Chel.
 
When an armadillo helps them win a hip-ball kind of sport,
Tzekel-Kan sees through their subterfuge and cuts their party short
By attacking with a giant metal jaguar of some sort.
 
Once he’s fallen in a whirlpool and has found Cortés to praise,
Our two heroes disagree and choose to go their separate ways.
Tulio decides to leave with Chel; his former buddy stays.
 
News arrives that Tzekel-Kan is guiding that conquistador
To the city, so the duo quickly gain back their rapport.
They want nobody to threaten El Dorado anymore.
 
So they sacrifice their gold and all the servants and the praise,
And they lock out Tzekel-Kan, Cortés, and all their violent ways,
And our heroes ride away to find another trail to blaze.
_______________________________
 

The Road to El Dorado is a musical adventure that attempts to be another Tarzan or Prince of Egypt, with some good music, exciting action, and some more mature content than most cartoons, but only halfway succeeds. It follows Tarzan’s example in having most of the Elton John/Tim Rice songs being sung by a singing narrator and only one number actually sung by the characters. While these songs are fun and enjoyable, they all end up sounding similar and don’t have the distinct memorableness of the artists’ work in The Lion King. Still, they clarify the mood for many scenes and complement the lively and colorful animation, which is almost as good as in the much more acclaimed The Prince of Egypt. The real pleasure of the film is in the two leads. Kenneth Branagh as Miguel and Kevin Kline as Tulio play off each other so well and their voices and unique inflections so fit their characters that the movie would suffer without them. They make some already humorous lines hilarious and turn the film into a “Road” movie worthy of Bob Hope and Bing Crosby’s classics.

While many reviewers objected to the weak plot and secondary characters, I take issue with its rewriting of history. The film presents the natives of El Dorado, who I can only assume are Aztecs, as peace-loving folk under the tyranny of a single bloodthirsty high priest. It lightly references the ritual killings of thousands of innocents and totally ignores the hostile lifestyle of the real Aztecs, who actively captured victims from neighboring areas for their sacrifices. Not to mention, there are some obvious flaws, such as Chel’s New York-ish accent, the isolated El Doradoans somehow speaking the same language as the visiting Spaniards, or the existence of a map to a legendary city that has supposedly never been discovered. Despite these weaknesses, The Road to El Dorado is another fun family film that, like many of the animated movies on the list lately, deserved a better box office turnout than it received.

Best line: (Tulio to Miguel) “The little voice, remember? Just imagine for a moment that you have one. Now, what would it be saying about Chel?”  (Miguel) “Um…” [he purrs romantically]

VC’s best line: (Tulio) “Your horse bit me in the butt!” (said as only Kevin Kline could say it)

 
Artistry: 4
Characters/Actors: 6
Entertainment: 6
Visual Effects: 6
Originality: 5
Watchability: 5
Other (aforementioned flaws): -2
 
TOTAL: 30 out of 60
 

Tomorrow: #322: Ice Age

© 2014 S. G. Liput

 

The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997)

11 Tuesday Feb 2014

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A wealthy family’s pleasure cruise becomes a new occasion
For horror and for trauma of the dinosaur persuasion.
So businessman John Hammond, who has learned from his mistakes(?)
Has decided to dispatch a team for his creations’ sakes.
 
He tells ol’ Ian Malcolm (you remember him, of course)
That some dinos have survived and somehow found a lysine source.
But John’s nephew Peter Ludlow wants to profit from the brutes
And remove them from an island, where the beasts have put down roots.
 
Malcolm tells John that he’s crazy when John offers him a spot
In a survey expedition that still has an open slot.
But when Malcolm learns his girlfriend is already part of it,
He departs to rescue Sarah, who is too headstrong to quit.
 
Though he finds her in one piece, he nonetheless is horrified
When he finds his daughter Kelly has, in secret, hitched a ride.
But then, once they’re all together, a whole helicopter fleet
Drops off Ludlow and his hunters, who are not at all discreet.
 
Malcolm, Sarah, and two others help to free the poachers’ prey
And they take a baby T. rex, who’s too hurt to run away.
While they try to heal the infant, Mom and Dad arrive on edge.
Once they have him, they then push our heroes’ trailer off a ledge.
 
All survivors band together, both the bad guys and the good,
And the body count starts rising, as most viewers knew it would.
One is stepped on; one just walks into an open mouth (which shuts);
One is nibbled by what’s equal to a thousand paper cuts.
 
Yet eventually, they make it to a radio that works,
But a male T. rex is captured as the villain Ludlow smirks.
He then has it shipped by freighter to a San Diego dock,
But the boat arrives by crashing and is lifeless, to his shock.
 
Then the T. rex male emerges, and he’s frankly mad as heck,
And his rampage through the streets leaves San Diego in a wreck.
But, with baby Rex, both Ian and his girlfriend lure the beast
To the ship again, where Ludlow ends up being Junior’s feast.
 
They return the giant creature and its child to the isle,
And mankind at least will try to keep his distance…for a while.
___________________________
 

The Lost World: Jurassic Park, which has an oddly flipped title for a sequel, has the same kind of thrills, chills, and kills that made the original such a success, but it’s missing something, namely intelligent characters. I mean, honestly, except for Ian, everyone is way too stupid to participate in such a dangerous mission. From wandering off too far to go to the bathroom to freaking out over a snake when a T. rex is right on top of them, the hunters are just plain dumb. One supposed expert tells everyone not to wander into the tall grass, but, when everyone else does in panic, he follows them and pays with his life! Even the Velociraptors are dumbed down, having apparently lost their ability to open doors.

Still, a clever script, restrained language, and some impressive, if somewhat violent, creature effects help to move the story along at a brisk pace, and the action sequence with the T. rexes attacking a trailer is particularly riveting. I also believe this one is better than the third film, which suffered from a short length and recycled plot elements. After all, in that one, Sam Neill was too stupid to wait for a check to clear before journeying to a dino-infested island, a mistake Vince Vaughn was at least smart enough to not make in this film. Also, Lost World manages some originality, which other films later drew from. The aforementioned “long grass” scene was reimagined with pygmies in 2001’s The Mummy Returns, and the line “There’s a dinosaur in our backyard” seems suspiciously similar to “There’s a monster outside my room, can I have a glass of water?” in 2002’s Signs. While not perfect, The Lost World is still a worthy addition to the Jurassic Park franchise, and, as for the original film, readers may see it somewhere higher up on the list.

Best line: (Malcolm to Ludlow) “When you try to sound like Hammond, it comes off as a hustle. I mean, it’s not your fault. They say talent skips a generation. So, I’m sure your kids will be sharp as tacks.”

 
Artistry: 5
Characters/Actors: 4
Entertainment: 6
Visual Effects: 6
Originality: 6
Watchability: 5
Other (language and violence): -3
 
TOTAL: 29 out of 60
 

Tomorrow: #323: The Road to El Dorado

© 2014 S. G. Liput