(For Day 7 of NaPoWriMo, the prompt was for a perhaps outlandish poem explaining “why you are not a particular piece of art,” so I went a bit more cocky and risqué than usual.)

I can’t compare to a well-mixed drink,
Although I go down smooth.
I’m too impassioned to be Old-Fashioned,
But I can also soothe.

The life of a humble bartender
Is only as good as his roll.
The patrons need us for margaritas
So they can lose control.

Complexity is ecstasy,
So savor them, no rush.
Why, try my Mai Tai, and I swear
More than the sky will blush.

I’ll sling in Singapore, slide in mud,
And blow like a Hurricane too.
My expertise is in daiquiris
Or a Slow Comfortable Screw.

My Russians might, both black and white,
Remove your power of speech,
Till you taste some sherry, scream Bloody Mary,
And ask for Sex on the Beach.

Between the Sheets, sour or sweet,
Wallbangers, never wetter –
My cocktails, girl, are works of art,
But let’s face it… I’m better.
________________________

MPA rating:  R (mainly language)

In the long and storied career of Tom Cruise, Cocktail is considered one of the low points, what with its Razzie win for Worst Picture, but it’s not as big a misfire as I thought it might be. Cruise plays self-motivated Brian Flanagan, who takes up flair bartending after his dreams of entering the business world in the big city are dashed. Trained by Australian mentor/rival Doug Coughlin (Bryan Brown), Brian flaunts his natural charisma to get ahead, even to the detriment of his island romance with Jordan (Elizabeth Shue, lovely as always).

As reflected by the film’s financial success in the face of negative reviews, Cocktail is quite entertaining, in no small part due to Cruise himself, who went to bartending school to learn the flipping and throwing tricks seen in the movie. (He even recites a few poems as part of the show.) His and Brown’s characters are frustratingly self-centered for most of the film, though not without consequence, yet there’s still an appeal to want them to succeed. I think the film mainly falls apart toward the end, where its tonal shift from tragedy to crowd-pleaser happens way too fast and saps the film’s themes of their power. Even if Cocktail isn’t Cruise’s finest hour, there are far worse Razzie winners out there; plus, it’s nice to think that he bounced right back with Rain Man later that same year.

Best line: (Brian) “I’m willing to start at the bottom.”  (Job interviewer) “You’re aiming too high.”

Rank:  Honorable Mention

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